Don’t Save Your Joy for Tomorrow. Enjoy Your Day Today.

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G-d wants you to be happy. Look at the great world He created. Someone asked a question – why did G-d create sharks? What do they do? One answer is – if the world did not have sharks – the world would feel like it is missing something.

The world is perfect the way it is today. Yes – we are WorldPerfect. So what’s with all the crime? Wars? Sadness? It is an involved answer – but it is there to balance the world and to motivate us to improve the world. If we act properly – doing our Mitzvot in life – we make this world better and reduce the need for all the negative factors to motivate us to do good.

But that’s not the point. The point is that many people say – “I’ll be happy when…” Fill in the blanks. Don’t try to be happy just for tomorrow. Be happy today.

How?

Count your blessings. You’re alive. You have friends. You can breath. You have family. You have money. You have food. You have clothes. You have a home. You have abilities to allow you to find a job. You are unique. The list goes on.

You choose to be happy. You just have to want it. Choose life today.

Dextox Your Brain – How to Reboot to Serenity

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I was on a flight back from Los Angeles. I avoid watching movies and TV. The written word is more educational – in general – I feel. But at times the screen of people seated ahead of me caught my glance. They were watching some action movies. A far cry from when I was young. The scenes were fast paced. Switching from one clip to another in 3 seconds or less. Extreme movement and violence.

Wow. That’s the entertainment of today. Thank you. I’ll pass. I’d rather live my life with meaningful relationships than staring at screens. Though I admit that I should cut down my computer and phone time as little as it may be in comparison to the common man.

After the flight – these images flashed in my mind. Explosions. Superheros. Violent fighting. Car Crashes. Got to get it out of my system I thought.

The solution. Simple. Stop watching for a period of time. G-d gave us the blessing of forgetting. It is also a gift so that a person will not dwell on difficult situations on the past. Eventually they will forget. It takes about 7 years to forget completely the feeling of a past loved one. After a year it seems distant.

Once Baba Sali – a great sage – accidentally saw an immodestly dressed woman. I believe fe fasted for 30 days to remove the image from his mind.

I’m not on that level. But I avoid sights – that contain violence. I filter my internet. I take precautions that what I view is filtered. I guess taking a break from viewing is a good start. Reading instead of watching is also good. Learning Torah is also good.

Just like detoxing from certain foods and hard drinks will make you feel more physically healthy – detoxing from media will make you feel emotionally and spiritually lighter.

Give Yourself more time to devote to self-improvement and enjoying your relations with others.

The Proper Response to Mazal Tov or Any Blessing for that Matter

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Words have power.

Jewish people are constantly giving blessings. A boy or girl is born. “Mazal Tov!” / A good fortune!  An engagement! “You should have lots of Nachas / Nachat!” (Satisfaction) or “Build a Bayit Ne’eman Be Yisrael” / faithful home among the people of Israel!

When they meet. “Hatzlacha! / Success!” You hear someone got a new job. “Mazal Tov! Parnassa Tova!” / A good income! A Bar Mitzvah! “He should grow up to be a big Talmid Chacham!” / Torah Scholar. At a Brit / Bris Milah / Circumcision! She Yizkeh leGodlo beTorah, Huppah UMaasim Tovim. You should merit bring him up with Torah, Marriage and good Deeds.

What is a common answer to a blessing? “Thank You!” or “You Too.”

What is this like – A person gives you a check for $1,000,000. You say thank you very much. You don’t deposit it. You don’t endorse it. You don’t use it. One day you wake up and find the check hidden at the end of your office supplies drawer. “Wow I never deposited it?” You look at the date – 6 Months have passed. You don’t remember the giver. You really need the money. I guess you’ll learn for next time.

A Blessing has the power to affect the positive or negative. Prayer to G-d / Hash-m will have some kind of positive effect – either on the person you pray for or another person.

But you can make it more effective by “endorsing the check.” A blessing is a bit like a check – if you endorse and deposit it, it will appear in your account.

How do you endorse a blessing? You say “Amen.”

To return the blessing – we usually reply – “Vekhen LeMar” וכן למר

This means “and also for the master” implying the person who made the blessing.

So you receive the Blessing. You say “Amen. VeKhen Lemar.”

Now since they are recieving the same blessing of “Vekhen LeMar” The person who initially gave the blessing should also respond “Amen.”

 

Let’s Call a Spade a Spade – Don’t Call a Child “It”

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Boys will be boys. Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice – that’s what Girls are made of.

The School of Political Correctness

Time to burn your Mother Goose books. Sorry did I say Mother Goose? “Mother” discriminates against the father. I mean Parent Goose.

No “parent” is also derogatory – just because they are older and gave birth to you should we discriminate against children and call them by this name? Let’s call them “adult caretakers”. No. “Adult” is discriminating against children. They should be equals. Let’s call them “older humans”. No that is discriminating. Why should we discriminate against the young. Let’s call them “big humans”. No that is discrimination because you discriminate against the small humans. Let’s call them just “humans”. No that is discriminating against animals. Lets just call humans and animals “it.”

Now that is a solution. Don’t call a president “president”. That is discriminating against those below him. You dare to call a person a principal? How dare you! That means that teachers are inferior. “Teacher?” – what an insult to the students. Please be politically correct. Just call everybody “it” and it will all be fine. “You”? that is discriminating against me. A Manhole? What kind of racism is that – call it a sewer hole. Sewer is a derogatory term – you are insulting the hole. Call it a cleaner thing. The ithole. Now you’re talking.

Manhattan? Let’s be correct and call it ithatten. That’s better. Manchester. Itchester. One small step for man one large leap for Mankind. Please edit that. One small step for it one large leap for itkind.

Parent teacher conference? Sorry. The It It conference. PTA? IIA! “The principal wants to meet with parents and teachers of children who have animals.” G-d forbid. “It wants to meet with its and its of its who have its.” Much better.

I hope you get the point.

Some people want to eliminate the terms “boy” and “girl”, “man” and “woman” – because it might be offensive to others and make them feel uncomfortable. It unlikely might insult this tremendously small part of the population.

Insulting the Many not to insult the minority

What bigger insult than calling a person made in G-d’s image “it”? So should we insult 99.999% of the population – to possibly not insult .001%. Sorry my friend. Doesn’t make sense to me.

But let’s put that point aside.

Calling People Neutral Names Lessens appreciation for others

Calling everybody by a non-gender or a neutral terminology will make people be less appreciated. If I call a principal “it” – it reduces my appreciation for all the work he or she went through to reach this position. If I call a parent “it” – it reduces my appreciation for all the toil they went through to bring up their children. If I call a teacher “it” – it reduces my appreciation for the hard work and sweat and dedication to the students.

If I call a girl or a “pink” an “it” – it reduces my appreciation for her unique qualities and her strengths. If I call a boy “it” or a “blue” – it reduces my appreciation for his unique qualities and his strengths. Calling a person an “it” – equates a person to an object. Women don’t like to be treated as objects. Rightfully so. Why Should children be treated as such?

Judaism says call everyone by their name. Don’t call them nicknames – that may be derogatory and make people feel uncomfortable. Act with Respect towards everyone. Appreciate them as a person. Appreciate their strengths. Be tolerant towards their differences. Call a Boy a Boy and appreciate them. Call a girl a girl and appreciate their uniqueness. Make them feel good by you validating them as a person. Don’t treat them as an object.

Decadence Masquerading as Political Correctness

Many years ago – our forefather Abraham – ridiculed idol worship. People would sacrifice children because they treated their children as objects to satisfy their lust for idolatry. Children should not be sacrificed today – for decadence masquerading as  “political correctness.”

Save Your Children. Appreciate them for who they are.

Don’t Let Your Tears Go to Waste on Others

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Babies cry. Adults cry. A baby cries when hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable or in pain. An adult cries more often because of emotional pain.

Although the gates of prayer were locked, the gates of tears remain open (see Talmud :Berachot 32b) . Thus we have another way to get our prayers answered. Tears.

What happens? A person needs a shoulder to cry upon. They relieve their hearts of their burdens by speaking with another individual or to Hash-m. They relieve their burden, but they forget to ask for salvation.

Yes – tell your troubles to Hash-m. But don’t stop there. Cry out & pray to Hash-m for what you need. “Hash-m give me strength, patience & wisdom to deal with this class of rowdy students.” “Hash-m, please help me to find the best job to support my family in a dignified manner that will also let me dedicate time to learning Torah.”

Use your tears to improve your lot. Don’t use them to destroy someone else’s lot. You might be angry at another that brought you to tears. You have a choice to pray for their detriment or for your uplift. Pray for your uplift. G-d will listen.

You gain not by someone’s downfall. You do gain from your uplift. Use your emotional pain to thrust your tefilot / prayers to heaven.

Be specific in your prayers. Don’t just say Hashem – find me a mate. Pray, please Hash-m find me a mate that has good middot / character traits, from a good family, that learns Torah & will be able to support a family by the end of the month. You fill in your requirements.

Even tears of gratitude, or just verbal gratitude to Hash-m, should be accompanied by prayer. Once you say thank you – you insinuate that you are satisfied with the outcome. Ask for more benedictions, even when you say thank you.

G-d will turn your tears of pain into tears of joy. Amen.

The Missed Opportunity – Why You Should Throw Your Phone Out the Window & Other Tech Junk While You’re at it

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You’re at the dinner table. Your kid is there munching some cake. “Got to check my whatsapp for two minutes”. The kid finishes eating and walks away. You lift your head from the phone. “Where is he?”

You lost. You lost the opportunity to connect with one of the most important people in your life – your child. Why? For some video that someone with nothing to do sent you. Worth it?

Just Once? Not.

More than Once? Of Course Not.

A Tree Falls in Yorktown, New York – the Ripple Effect

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A fun family activity is picking apples. Go to the farm. Buy a bag. Pick whatever can fit into the bag. There is a picking farm in Yorktown, New York. Recently there, I was told by the old woman selling the bags, that just the other day she was thinking of cutting the tree she pointed out to me. Before having a chance – the tree fell on its own.

I told her she should have said “It would be good to win the lotto.” Perhaps that would have come true instead.

She mentioned the time. 11:00 am yesterday. I was saddened. It reminded me of a tragedy that occurred at that same time. Perhaps when a negative thing happens – a ripple effect occurs.

If a negative thing causes a ripple effect. Doing something positive also causes a ripple effect of good.

It says it clearly in Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers (4:2) “A Mitzvah Causes a Mitzvah. A sin causes a sin.” :

Good causes Good & Evil, Evil

2. Ben A’zzai says: “Run to [do] a simple Mitzvah (like for a weighty one) & run away from the sin for a Mitzvah causes a Mitzvah & a sin causes a sin; for the compensation of a Mitzvah is a Mitzvah & the compensation for a sin is a sin.”

Another reason to only do good.

The Ripple Effect.

Jerusalem Life Back Online

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After Adding more features (Plugins) to the Ohr Binyamin Supersite – Jerusalem Life – crashed last week. Apparently one of them caused it to fall. After a Brief Hiatus – Barukh Hash-m / thank G-d, we’re back online.

The question remains – What is the lesson? What can I & we learn from it?

Well, restoring it I learned a lot of computer things like about Linux (operating system), SSH, FTP, WHM, cPanel, WordPress, Mysql, backups & restoring, DNS and more. Great things to put on a resume. I like computers, math & Talmud. Each involves logical thinking.

Would G-d put me through all that sweat – to help me become more computer savvy? Perhaps.

The lesson is probably a bit deeper than that. Another thing I learned is – more & newer is not necessarily better. Think before you do.

For every incident and situation Hash-m / G-d sends us we have 1) a lesson and 2) something good that comes from it. Due to the crash – I thought of ways of developing some more new features and ideas and ways to implement them quicker and easier.

NEW FEATURES

We are adding new features to Jerusalem Life. In the Marriage Section – We have a Sub-Section called “Fast Track to Getting Married.” It is based upon a daily whatsapp sent out to a broadcast group. It gives advice to people to find their mate fast.

In the Donate Section – we started posting Pictures from some of our activities.

We will also be developing other sister websites – like Hashem Loves You and TorahKids.org.

Please Don’t Change. Become a Better You.

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I talk to people. I sometimes teach them about Torah. Some answer “I’m good.” As to say – I don’t need to learn I’m already good. Apparently everybody is good in their own eyes. Torah is compared to salt. Just as salt brings out the taste of the food by pulling it out – the Torah pulls out the good of the person. The Torah asks more from us than just to be good. It asks for us to become better daily.

G-d made you unique for a purpose. With your particular traits, you can change the world for the better. The question is ” How can I do that?

A good starting point is to read Pirkei Avot. It will give you the basic foundations of being a good person. That’s a good starting point.

Another is to ask the question at home, at work in general – “What can I do to help?” Can you help at home. Can you help others on the job? Can you help your friends? Your family? the world?

Apparently – you become a better you when you become a bigger giver. The Torah teaches us how to give, what to give, what not to give, what to teach, what not to teach, what philosophies, outlook and values are for the ultimate good of yourself and society.

Become a better giver.

Help others.

Social Media Advice for the Marriage Minded

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Social Media Advice for the Marriage Minded

Just like with a simple face to face conversation, you find out good things and where a person’s head is – so is true by social media. Two aspects to consider are your own usage in the eyes of others and the usage of a prospective mate in your eyes.

Relying on Photos – a Caveat

Today it is easy to get information on people. Some people hear of a prospect match and reject dates because of a photo. That may not be prudent because meeting a person gives a much more accurate idea of the person. Also the picture you see may not be a good picture of that person.

Some peruse pictures – searching for a match. It much is more lucrative to call Rabbis to seek someone that has similar hashkafot / Torah outlook and values, good middot / character traits, and aspirations – than to waste time perusing photos. You marry a personality not a picture.

Are You a FB Person

Whether the person uses Facebook or not already gives an indication about the person. Non usage may indicate their refraining from technology to avoid temptation or being involved in things more productive or in more productive relations with actual people – rather than with a computer screen.

It might be better to avoid social media – like it says in Pirkei Avot (1:17):

The Value of Silence & Action

17. Shimo’n, his son, says: All my life I grew among the [Torah] sages & I found nothing better for the body than silence. And that learning is not the priority rather it is the [putting it to] action [that is the priority] & whoever who is excessive in words brings [upon themselves] transgression.

It’s not for nothing that people take the fifth in court.

Be careful what you post.
Usage of social media reveals people’s views and personality.  A person’s home page pictures reveals their interests. I know people who lost Job and shidduch / potential matches opportunities because of what they posted on the social media.  Over-usage of social media also tells about a person.  People might think – doesn’t this person have better things to do than posting constantly their political views, selfies, etc. Be careful what you post. It might come back against the person.

Some have to give their opinions on every news item. If that’s you,  then it might be time to do a self evaluation of your attitude and your posts – and work on improving both. Perhaps in expressing your opinions, people are forming a non-flattering opinion about you. If one has a very critical attitude – people might shy away from introducing you to others. People shy away from critical people. If one’s hashkafot – Torah outlook – are controversial – that also may also be a turn off for prospective mates with a good hashkafa.

Relevance of information.
The time of the post might also help you to decide how relevant is info. For instance if you see a post from a person’s teenage years – it may or may not reveal what their interests are today.

Make a small effort to start the momentum to find a marriage mate.  Each call becomes easier.

When Hashem sees us making a concerted and consistent effort – obviously accompanied by prayer – He sends his blessing.

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