A Couple Forever
A couple in Judaism is a couple forever. Once one marries – the couple will remain together usually even after death. Together they are to sail the ship of life to arrive at the purpose that G-d deemed appropriate for them based upon their strengths. The Torah is the key for them to reach this destination.

The Best Business
Onkelus son of Kolonikus, the nephew of the Emperor Titus, converted to Judaism.

The Caesar asked “why did you convert to Judaism?”

“I was just listening to your advice” he replied

Very surprised, he responded “I need never gave you such advice.”

“My dear Caesar when I asked to regarding what I can do to be successful in business, you told me to buy goods that are of low value but afterwards the price will go up high. Today the Jews are persecuted and despised, but their merchandise is very valuable and I am sure in the future it’s value will rise and I will reap great profit.” (See the whole story here)

A Secret for Success
A Secret for success is to know the true value of an item. If you can buy it inexpensively but it has tremendous worth – that is the product you should buy.

The wisdom of success in business is knowing to find what has value – or what will have value in the future.

Torah Study has Unimaginable Award.
The value of doing one Mitzvah is inestimable. A person can’t really receive complete reward for a mitzvah in this world – because the value of one mitzvah has a greater value than all that this world contains.

Every word of Torah – learned is as if a person did all the 613 commandments. Multiply that by all the words said when learning Torah and one receives a tremendous amount of reward.

The woman receives the same reward as her husband for the Mitzvot he does. The couple’s relationship according to Judaism continues after they go to the next world and they reap their rewards for the Mitzvot they did there.

Torah is the Key to Reaching One’s Potential
The Torah holds the answer to what one’s potential and purpose is in life. When a man studies Torah, he becomes closer to his purpose in life. It becomes clearer to him. His wife helps him by patiently awaiting for him to come home from learning Torah. This is one of the roles of a woman – to help her husband reach his potential. She has this ability and responsibility. It also gives him great pleasure.

Opportunity Cost
In economics we learn about opportunity cost. The classic example that they give is exchanging guns for butter. Meaning if you had $1000 to spend – guns cost $10 a piece and butter costs one dollar a pound. You could buy either thousand pounds of butter or 100 guns. The more guns that you buy the less butter you could buy. The more butter you buy the less guns you can purchase.

This concept is relevant when calculating what to do with our time. Our time can be spent achieving life or escaping from it. Time – in Judaism – can be used as a means to produce inestimable reward.

The Value of Time
Perceptive parents appreciate the value of the time of each individual of the family. They could be doing things that are productive or not. Even things that seem unproductive can be useful – for instance a person needs some time to recharge. The recharging is productive because it helps a person to produce. Sometimes the person through play helps others to cheer them up or give them a good time.

Value of Torah
The value of Torah is not only measured in terms of spiritual reward – but in the value of it guiding and directing the family in a beneficial and loving manner. Torah learning provides positive benefits like the improvement of the character traits of the person learning it and being a source of meaning and satisfaction.  When a wife realizes the value of learning Torah she will encourage her husband to dedicate some time regularly to learn Torah with the group or with an individual or at the synagogue.

A business  person realizes the value of time – that it’s productivity can be maximized and that worlds can be gained by a few moments.

An Encouraging Attitude
With tact, a wife can encourage her husband to learn Torah. We now understand why some women demand their husbands learn Torah all day – while they do what they can to support the family. They recognize the value of the benefits accrued to those who learn and observe Torah values.

Upholding the World
But it is not only this they realize – they realize that Torah study also upholds the world. Pirkei Avot says “Upon three things does the world stand: Upon Torah, Upon Divine Service (prayer) and on doing acts of Kindness.”

Even if a woman can’t get her husband to learn all day – a few minutes regularly daily is also good.

An Extra Requirement When Searching for a Mate
A single woman – also can gain by searching for a mate that has an interest and a desire to learn Torah.

Reward of Women
The main reward of a woman will be through the Mitzvah of encouraging her husband to learn and sending her kids to a Torah day school – like it says in the Talmud (Berachot).

For places to learn Torah see the Links Section or Join our Five Alive Learning program where we learn with a person five minutes over the phone a week.

The reason we were brought to this world is to achieve our purpose in life. The Torah was given not only for the commandments that guide us to act with propriety but also to guide us on a path of purposeful pleasure – like doing acts of kindness – to help us achieve our purpose in life. Only through Torah Observance and regular Torah study will a person learn and achieve the purpose that their soul was brought down to achieve.

A woman is the crown of her husband and the Queen of the house. She is the foundation of the home. Through her mitzvot – being Tzanuah / modest according to Torah, following laws of family purity, enrolling her children in Torah day schools, encouraging her husband to learn Torah – she builds a bedrock foundation for the family for the future generations. She is more appreciated by her husband. She achieves her purpose and finds happiness in all her toil – for it is to help build the Jewish nation.

When Selecting a Proper Life-Mate, the Torah advises that one should act like a King – Melech. (Mem, Lamed, Chaf)

Mem – First One Should Use their Moach / Mind to reflect upon the qualities one is searching for in a mate, see if the potential mate is Jewish, has solid Torah values, wants to grow in Judaism, Has Good Character traits, & are attractive. Once all considerations are in order, one can marry.

Lamed – After marriage comes love coming from Lev – heart

Chaf – Caved – Liver – the Initiator of Passion.

One Should not do the Opposite, First Have Passion, then Have feelings for the other and then Think if this is the right mate. At that point one is no longer completely rational or impartial for feelings taint the decision. If one does follow this order – Caf, Lamed, Mem. They become kalem – embarrassed.

One Reason that Intermarriage is disallowed in Judaism is because the way to achieve one’s purpose is through Torah. The spiritual growth of the family is dependant on Torah observance. When both members of the couple are Jewish – the family can have a common bearing point to grow – the Torah. If they are not it leads to confusion of the children, lack of achieving one’s purpose in life and stress between in-laws and grandparents. Those that are already intermarried can at least have the non-Jewish spouse convert.

Chosing a life of purposeful pleasure is the way of the Torah. Let’s not squander precious years of life pursuing pleasure without purpose by following infatuation. The Torah says to choose Life – Life of the Torah.

The peaceful sleep of a child. No worries. No anger. No Problems.

The Tractate Berachot says that a person sometimes dreams what they saw during the day.

Nighmares develop sometimes by the thoughts of the day. Thus it makes sense for parents to disallow programs, videos or other media that will scare the children. If you think about it, even the News could be a possible source of bad dreams.

There are ways in Judaism to quell nightmares.

The Torah prescribes that we recite the Shema Yisrael before retiring at night. Reciting it reduces nightmares and allows children and adults to have a pleasent night’s sleep.

For a Free Shema Yisrael Card see:
Jerusalem Life Freebies & Judaica

Many times in life we follow a path. As we become wiser or are taught by the lessons of life, we change the way we think in life and realize our successes and our mistakes.

Is there a way to make amends? Judaism says it is not only possible to make repair to our past misdeeds but even change the bad – into good – through a process called Teshuva.

Teshuva / Repentance
Teshuva translated as repentance – literally means returning. It means returning to the source of all good – Hash-m (G-d). Returning to the path of the Torah. Returning to our own souls. It is not necessarily that we were bad and are becoming good – it is that we are returning to the beautiful and happy path of the Torah that was taken for thousands of years by our ancestors.

If we do teshuva because of fear of G-d, our slate is wiped clean. If we do teshuva for the love of G-d, our transgressions become Mitzvot (merits). There are two sorts of commandments: Those between man and G-d, and those between man and man. If we hurt someone – even though we did teshuva for the transgression – we still must apologize and appease the one we hurt.

In Teshuva, three things we are to be concerned.

Torah’s Message on Personal Purpose in Life:
When a person passes on to the next world he will encounter three angels. They will each take an accounting of your life. One will count the Mitzvot that you accomplished. The other will count the Transgressions. And the third will calculate the Torah you accomplished.

The question is – why do we need the third angel? Isn’t his Job the same as that of the first angel?

The answer is: It is true that we must accomplish all the Mitzvot (commandments) and avoid the transgressions – but we are also responsible for a third thing in life: to achieve our purpose. This is the main reason why we came to this world – to achieve our purpose in life.

An analogy was given by Rabbi Avigdor Miller:

Delivering the Package
Once a person was hired to deliver a package to California. He was told: Be careful. Follow the road signs, don’t go to fast. Fill the truck with oil and the best gas. Check the tires. When the delivery man came back the man asked him – “how was the trip?” He responded: “I did just like you told me. I followed the road signs. I filled the truck with good gas and oil. I checked the Tires.” “Yes” the man said “But did you deliver the package?” The delivery man – very embarrassed – replied “Oh. I am sorry I forgot to deliver the package.”

Our main purpose in life is to achieve our purpose. Each one of us is unique and based upon our qualities and strengths – will our purpose be related.

Great people also sin
The Rambam says that Abraham made a great transgression when he hid his wife Sarah from the Egyptians – he should have had faith in Hash-m’s power to save them from any harm. The question is why is he saying this? One reason is to teach us that even though he sinned, he did achieve his purpose in life.

There were 4 people in the world that never sinned.

– Binyamin – The Son of Yaakov Avinu / Jacob our Forefather
– Amram – the Father of Moshe Rabbeinu / Moses our Teacher
– Yishai – The Father of King David,
– Calev – the son of David.

If you think of the people who had the most positive impact on the world – one might think of Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaak, Jacob, Moses, King David. They are not part of those that never sinned. But are viewed as the greatest people of all time.

We are human
Those four never sinned – meaning that the rest of the entire world did. When G-d Created the world – He initially wanted to create it with a – the letter Aleph – which has the numerical equivalent of 1. There would only be one way of acting. But now we have freedom of choice. The strength of the evil inclination is greater than that of the righteous inclination.

Rectification of Transgression
We all make mistakes in life. The importance is to recognize our faults, regret them and correct them. If we make a mistake – G-d will forgive us if we do proper and sincere teshuva (repentance / returning to the path of the Torah). When we do return – G-d will erase our sins.

If we return to Torah out of the love we have for our creator – for all that he does for us – our sins will become merits.

Here are some articles on Teshuva:

The Teshuva process consists of:
– Regret
– Abandoning the Sin
– Doing Good in its place – as it says in the Torah “Remove Yourself from bad and Do good.” (It is understood each person should progress at their own steady pace.) (see Spirituality in Judaism)
– Determining and Finding one’s purpose – See Mesilat Yesharim – first chapter on how to determine one’s purpose. Your purpose will likely have to do with focusing on a particular Mitzvah in the Torah – like giving charity, helping others, teaching Torah, setting up Torah institutions, etc.

Sometimes a person feels so badly about their sins that they fall into depression. However, according to Torah Once a person decides to do or does sincere Teshuva – he or she is like a new person and should be happy. Our normal disposition should be one of happiness.
(We offer a card that mentions why you are special in any case here)

When one unloads the extra baggage – and starts doing good – one starts feeling better about themselves and becomes closer to their true selves.

Every day is a new day. Every day we can start over. We can wipe the slate clean and be deemed a new person with a bright future. We just have to take the first steps.

—
Sources:
Reaching potential in life is a topic well discussed in Judaism. I recently heard two audios on the Reaching Potential. Both had a similar message. One was by Rabbi Akiva Tatz and one was by Rabbi Shafier from the Shmuz
Rambam – Bereishit 12:10

Doing What We Can to Bring the Redemption – One Person at a Time

How it Started
It started when the Jews were to enter into the land of Israel in the Desert. When they heard the report of the Spies about the land, they started crying. The Jewish people fell for the report of the spies. The spies used dishonest reporting tactics to evoke fear in the people.

Because the people cried then, So G-d said “Since you cried for nothing, then I will give you a reason to cry.” On the 9th of Av many tragedies occurred. The first Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed. The Second Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed. World War I started.

Learning More
Here are some links that might make you feel the magnitude of the day. Learning about it – we can appreciate it more.
Tisha B’Av: The Secret to feeling the Mourning.
Tisha B’Av – General articles

Improving our Self-Esteem
Apparently, the reason why the Jewish people cried was because they lacked confidence in themselves to overcome their enemy. Lack of confidence in ourselves was also a reason for the sin of the Golden Calf. These two incidents are related.

We must look at ourselves as members of an important and Holy Nation – chosen by Hash-m to teach the world the beautiful messages and way of life of the Torah – through our actions. We have to have confidence in ourselves as a nation and as individuals – for we are the children of the King of Kings – veritable Princes and Princesses. (order the Free “You are Special Card”)

When we see that we are the King’s Children and we are trodden upon, insulted, hated, and disrespected – it in itself is a reason to mourn.

Teshuva / Repentance
The fasting is to be able to feel the seriousness of the day and to do sincere Teshuva (repentance).
(Some Articles on Repentance)

Teshuva translated as repentance – literally means returning. It means returning to the source of all good – Hash-m. Returning to the path of the Torah. Returning to our own souls. It is not necessarily that we were bad and are becoming good – it is that we are returning to the beautiful and happy path of the Torah that was taken for thousands of years by our ancestors.

Make Peace
There is another aspect of life that we ways should work on – having peaceful relations with others. The first Beit Hamikdash (Temple) was destroyed because of preponderance of the three major Sins: Improper Relations (ie, Adultery, etc.), Murder and Idol Worship. The Second Temple was destroyed because of preponderance of Gratuitous hatred. These sins are equivalent in a sense.

Thus we should work on creating more peaceful relations between us and our co-workers, us and our families, us and our friends. When we focus on gratuitous love instead of gratuitous hatred – This is a when Hash-m will send his anointed one – the Messiah – to redeem us from the subjugation of the nations.

Remember there is a time for mourning and sadness, but afterward there is a time for renewal and happiness. Our normal disposition should be – happy.

Let us remember and mourn for they say that the one who mourns for Jerusalem will merit to see it being be rebuilt. It Should be rebuilt Soon, in Our Days. Amen.

Now we are like the King’s children banished from his table – but soon we will lift our heads in pride again.

One can find much beauty in Judaism.

Every act has a purpose.

Each one can be made into a Mitzvah

Eating allows you to sustain your body and remain in good health and remain alive. Do it to be able to properly serve G-d and you receive a Mitzvah.

Going to work allows you to feed your family. Do it to be able to help them live a happy and spiritually rewarding life in Judaism, get another Mitzvah.

Playing sports and exercise is good for keeping in shape. Do it to be in good health because the Torah says we should be healthy – get another Mitzvah.

Every act can be used for connecting with the Creator.

Eating and drinking, we recite blessings to thank Hash-m for the food. These blessings not only serve to express our deep appreciation to Hash-m for the food, but to create a relationship with Him. It also brings great spiritual benefits to the world.

So, when you are ready to take a sip of the ice-cold Snapple (no they are not paying us for this) say the bracha for a beverage, drink and get a Mitzvah. (to know the proper text for Brachas / blessing on food click here)

Another way to develop your spirituality is by reading some of the “Real Facts” under the cap that deal with nature. Many are impressive. By appreciating nature, going on outings, recognizing it’s beauty and recognizing that it is the awesome work and kindness of Hash-m – you have another opportunity to connect.

xwnjklqw nxuiu nx dj asd lkjasd lkju wq8uh009,,90we,c90ic9,j09,aikj,oijecoi,lakm lk jklsd c;lk ;;lk lka c8iu 3 kljf s;lak ;a i rjiq wqrij weoij e nfajkn jncasn9up [8i 8we k; i,mcqwioemjpoi ioj wqeoij qwcmkm coi iwe jwc n jqnf uhqwerfubi bp 8we 89mdas im asdk oni34uu c uhq08 dcmnklja sk ds mads;k djk lnasd newuhn[wehff j nmddchvequ qew adsjaviua asd;kjasdnk asdjksad u uajsd dasf jnsdads.kj ndaskj ds njkasdl yug sddniadsffu adsj asdouidsf uasd jasd n wuidcndnjsad sadu idskjnxjkads asdi8 klsf d;kj sad ;sdako a;lk dfifoiweoi cioc nijncjhncds jkasdckjn c dscjkadcn ods oidcoi nadsc nasduioncasduiweiybhrfraei auiddhn hcxcuih sadndf fuiwf oinasdmn asd nm ;asdijs dajn c ncduionsd jkjn cdsdnm asd nsdjk asdn ui[8ihj dfasnweiou23j9fds nlkjl nkjasdd lsadkjn sdakjdj niusd 8dvcjk asdlknasdkj nasdkjsdln f 89ua d8jflkjsand kljsadf 8sad hjihjasdf jnsadkjnadsu9haubasdh bew8uh9 sadu f hbjadskjlasdnlsdni8usd98xvnjauhwef8iu jf 89asd8 dsaiuoj sdfi8asd juifwiuhsuifgkjcvxz lkja ihjzdjn dfuh dfvf uy kuyg

—
random typing.

does evolution
or atheism
– development of all the beauty and intricacy of nature by randomness –
still make sense to you?

Question:
I am searching for more spirituality in life. Since I am Jewish, I guess it makes sense to start investigating Judaism. What do you suggest for me in my search to bring more spirituality into my life?

Answer:
The Path to Judaism is a Path to Finding Oneself.

A Person is composed of a body and a soul. The Soul is our essence, so discovering and searching for things that please the soul bring happiness, because you become your true self.

Thus people say “I want to be happy, I want to be me.” Deep down a person knows that when one will be themselves they will be happy.

The question people grapple with is “what is their true self.” Some think sometimes what Madison Avenue and the media portray as fun or funny is their self. But after trying what they propose, they might be amused but not necessarily satisfied. Why? Because pleasing the body and ignoring their soul, rarely brings lasting satisfaction. Pleasures that please the soul are those that ultimately bring happiness.

The goal of the soul is to be close with G-d. Anything that brings it closer to Hashem (G-d) will make the soul happy. Anything that distances it from G-d will sadden it. Thus pleasures that bring the soul closer to G-d will make a person happy. Pleasures that distance it from G-d will make it sad. Here is an audio that talks about the subject.

For a Jew, what pleases the Soul are pleasures that are congruent with the Torah and The Mitzvot

For a Gentile, what pleases their soul is to follow the Seven Noahide Commandments:

In Judaism Spirituality is Achieved through the Material and Physical World – ie, saying Brachas on Food, Eating a Shabbat Meal, Learning Torah.

Everybody’s path in discovering who they are is unique. For some it takes months, for some it takes years. Some never find out who they are because they are stuck in “follow the crowd” mode. Discovering Judaism and yourself is a lifetime pursuit – Every day is another opportunity to become better.

It’s better to take small, gradual steps to observe the Mitzvot and stick to them than to accept too much and fall backwards.

Each person is unique. And each person’s path to discover themselves is unique and special. Based upon the path I took to discover Judaism, here are some Suggestions:

Enjoy a Shabbat Meal:
Try to Spend a Shabbat Meal with an Observant Family in Your Neighborhood. A Shabbat with an observant family gives you a taste of what it is to enjoy spirituality through delicious food, pleasant company, singing and words of Torah.

Shabbat.com is a site that will help you find a hospitable family that will have you over for a Shabbat meal.

Go to a Shabbaton or Jewish Retreat:
Gateways offers Retreats and classes
Arachim USA – offers getaways and Weekend Retreats

Or if you want to try Shabbat in your own home – order a Free Shabbat Candle Lighting Kit / Care Package from us here. It explains how to conduct a Shabbat at home.

Attend a Discovery Seminar:
Discovery shows scientific and logical evidence that correspond to what the Torah says.
Discovery Seminar
North America Seminars

Visit Sites:
The Aish HaTorah site that has a Judaism 101 – section. It’s a great site overall to learn about Judaism.

You can also search the site for topics such as : Prayer, belief in G-d. The comments are also usually insightful as well.

The recommended links section is a good place to start for your search to learn about Judaism.

If you appreciate the style of a particular audio or article that suits sou, you can look up more by that same author.

There are a lot of Jewish sites that are not always “kosher”. the ones mentioned above are kosher. At the sites, see which subjects interest you and go from there.

Inspire Yourself in Israel
Our Site Jerusalem Life’s initial main objective was to guide people where to find spirituality in Israel. Here is the Link to Programs there.

Think:
G-d gave you a brain to think. It is good that you are using it to find out about your heritage. A person that does not will not fulfill their potential. One of our purposes of life – is to achieve a unique goal. Even if in the past we have failed, we always have a new chance. G-d is good and accepts sincere repentance.

Ask Questions:
The Torah encourages questions. If you have questions please feel free to ask them. Find an Orthodox Rabbi or Wife of a Rabbi that you feel comfortable with that you can contact with your questions.

Attend Services and Lectures:
To learn more about Judaism go to an orthodox Synagogue to listen to lectures. Speak with an Orthodox Rabbi or an Orthodox Jew. They will steer you in the right direction. If you could go to a Yeshiva (for men) or a Seminary (for Women) to learn Torah that is also good.

Try a New Mitzvah
Each Mitzvah helps you to create a relationship with the Creator of the Universe. Some people start with saying the Shema twice a day, saying prayers, lighting the Shabbat candles, saying the blessings on food. You decide.

Get FREE Judaica:
There are many FREE Judaica products available at the Jerusalem Life Site Like:
Aleph-Bet Cards – that have the Hebrew Alphabet Explained
Bracha Cards – that have the Blessings for eating
Good Health Card – that has the blessing said to thank G-d for the proper functioning of the body.
Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers – A Booklet that has beautiful ways to live a more fulfilling life
FREE Kiruv Judaica & Jewish Outreach Materials

Read Jewish Books:
Some good sites to purchase Jewish books are:
artscroll.com and feldheim.com

I would suggest you start off by learning Pirkei Avot -Ethics of the Fathers. Artscroll has a nice edition. Here are their best sellers:

Use Logic:
Spirituality is basically a feeling of closeness to a Higher Power – closeness to G-d. What Better source is there to become close to G-d than the Torah. It was the only document ever given by G-d to Man whose giving was witnessed by a nation of millions of people. Judaism is the only religion that makes this claim. No other religion does.

The greatest source of spirituality is Judaism. All the Great and lofty ideas of others are taken from Judaism.

What seems to be appealing to the heart is not a proof whether it is right or wrong. Many things seem appealing but are not proper – like excessive alcohol. Unfortunately, some go to the Far East or other religions seeking spirituality because it is appealing to the eye, when Judaism contains all the heights and lofty ideals they seek.

To find the truth you must use logic, not take a census of how many people adhere to a religion. If a billion people said 2 + 2 = 19 would you believe it? Also any religion’s point of view is a minority view – according to the rest of the world.

JL has a post that discusses What Jewish People Believe – the Foundations of Judaism & a post on How does one find G-d? – which talks about the path that Abraham, our Forefather took, to find G-d

Get Family & Friends Support:
For thousands of years, Judaism was the center of life of the Jewish People. It was only in the last two centuries that people started new movements. So going back to Judaism is getting in touch with your family’s roots and traditions.

Try to enlist support from your family and friends. Tell them you seek to enhance your spiritual life through discovering your Judaism. You can say you want to explore Judaism, because that is the Religion of your parent’s ancestors. You can tell them, about 300 years ago most all Jews were Observant. There were no such things as “movements.” You can say that just as they supported you in the past in school and social life and materially, you expect them to support you in your spiritual pursuit of Judaism.

There are three reactions they could have:
Supportive
Neutral
or Negative
Whatever they say, don’t be discouraged. Deep down they will be happy that you are following Judaism. Your life will also be greatly enhanced. Ask an orthodox rabbi for advice on how to deal with it.

Tailor your observance of Mitzvot
In addition to some of the Mitzvah’s mentioned above, each person should slowly remove themselves from bad and start doing good.
For males they should consider taking upon themselves Mitvahs of daily prayer with Tephillin, Torah/Talmud study, etc.

For females they can join a women’s lecture series, learn about Challah and Tzniut – Jewish modesty. (A Hebrew site on Modesty: כתר מלכות – למען הקדושה והצניעות בהכוונת גדולי ישראל)

If you are daring you can go to Israel and enroll in a yeshiva or for women in a seminary.

Pray:
Asking Hashem, the G-d of the Jews and the Universe, to help you to find the truth and make it easy for you to find the right people to guide you is also part of the effort you should make in addition to those mentioned above. This applies to anything you want to achieve or receive. You can preface your prayer by “Hashem, Please Help Me …”. In Your case “Hashem, Please Help Me to Find the Truth & What You Want me to Achieve in Life.”

The beginnings of the rekindling of the relationship between you & G-d are very special times. Enjoy it.

I heard a Story from Rabbi Yitzy Greenman – a Rabbi in Aish Hatorah New York :

Once he invited a Successful Businessman on the Forbes List of Billionaires to give a lecture to his students. The enamored group, listened to his stories on his education, his business success, how his company was being sued by another billionaire, how he made it to the top. He mentioned that regularly he would play cards with the same billionaire, that was suing his company for millions of dollars.

The Rabbi stopped him. “Excuse Me, can I ask a question?… You play cards with a person who is suing your company for millions of dollars?”

“Oh” he responded “Let me explain. I try not to get emotional over things. Because when I become emotional, I become irrational. And when I become irrational, I make bad business decisions.”

Many times we allow others to get us angry, evoke hatred and other emotions in us. But really we are able to control our emotions.

The Peddler Woman
Once a woman was peddling fruits and vegetables on here mobile cart. Some young lads came and took some apples. Seething, she tossed a violent tirade of words at the youngsters. Just then, a man asked her how much are these fruits. It was her best customer. Realizing that continuing her anger stream would cost her her best customer, she smiled large and said “Oh. Hello Mr. Cohen. It’s So Nice to See You.”

One moment she was seething. The next second she was pleasant. How so? We have the ability to control our emotions. Our self respect and esteem shouldn’t be placed in the hands of others. We can control our emotions.

My Rebbe, Rabbi Zecharia Mines, obm used to say to me “Your mind should be in control of your heart, not the opposite.”

Rich Man, Poor Man / The Happiest Day of His life
Another true story that illustrates this quality is mentioned by Maimonides, the RamBam.

Once there was a poor person traveling on a ship. His “sleeping cabin” was under a staircase. A wealthy man, disdaining the poor person, decided to urinate. He found that under the staircase was the easiest place to relieve himself. So he did.

The poor person related afterwards that that was the happiest day of his life. Why? Because he realized that he was so much in control that this act of disrespect didn’t faze him. He realized that his self-worth has nothing to with others and no one had control over him.”

Practice Makes Perfect
It takes practice. Initially, You won’t always be in complete control of your emotions. When we let others upset us, we basically let them have a bit of control over our lives. That is a bit disconcerting. But the more control you have over your emotions, the less others have control over you. In Other words – you can control your happiness.

A Lecture that Mentions this principle can be found here:
Personal Growth Vol. 1 – The Secret of Happiness (Part 1) by Rabbi Jonathan Rietti

A Classic Jewish Book that teaches this principle and many others is called Tomer Devora – The Palm tree of Devorah – By Rabbi Moshe Cordovero. It teaches of the 13 attributes of G-d and how to emulate Him. One of them is to Do Good even to those that may have wronged you. When you are magnanimous, you emulate the Creator.

You can be in control of yourself. It just takes a little effort. Learning about self-control – helps you be in control and ultimately, to be a better person.