Many a year ago – I ate at a Kosher Chinese restaurant called Moshe Peking in Manhattan. People say after Chinese food one feels hungry. Why? Many theories exist. It is low in protein. It is high in carbohydrates. It’s the salt or MSG. Whatever.

Some pleasures are similar – one has a short pleasure but shortly after they feel lacking. Why?  Material pleasures give a person a temporary high. Material things are temporary. We have a high level soul – that is eternal. The Material does not satisfy the spiritual soul.

It is difficult to discern what is a material pleasure – because material pleasures may be mixed with spiritual pleasure. Let’s say you go to a restaurant. Now you are generous and you flip the bill or pay for the group. The eating was material pleasure – but the act of being generous is a spiritual pleasure.

Some don’t discern – so they think that the eating gave them the pleasure – but it was really the kindness you did during the meal that gave you the pleasure.

It occurs daily that people upset others – including yourself. G-d sends us these gifts as a way for us to reflect upon life and our actions to become better.

If that person – who insulted you – didn’t do it – someone else would take their place.

So – the best is to not get upset – because you recognize it is a message from Hash-m to improve. So improve.

Sometimes we are so upset that we want bad to happen to others – or even ourselves. Sorry – that is not usually productive.

Use Emotions Positively

So use your emotions for the positive and instead of wishing bad on others – wish good for yourself. Instead of wishing that a person who hurt you loses money – use the deep emotions to bless yourself to make more money.

In last week’s parasha – Toledot – Esav was upset that his brother – Yaakov / Jacob – received the blessings from his father. We would have expected the Torah to say that Esav was upset that He – Esav didn’t receive the blessings from his father Yitzhak / Issak. For Esav it was more upsetting for him that his brother received the blessings that he didn’t receive the blessings.

From this We can learn to sort out emotions – to wish good for ourselves rather than to be upset that someone gained.

In the Morning Blessings – we say “Blessed are you G-d who Clothes the Naked (arumim)

But the word Arumim can also mean Wise.

So the Blessing covers the Spectrum of people – G-d clothes the Naked (with Clothing) and clothes others with proper moral conduct.

When Sarah hears she will have a baby by the angels at the age of 90 she laughs inside. She asks how old people like her and her husband Avraham will have children – at the age of 99 – him being so old.

G-d asks Avraham why did Sarah ask how will she have a child? – she being so old. Here we learn that people can change their words (ie, tell an untruth) for peace. G-d mentioned that she said that She was so old – but not mentioning Avraham being so old.

G-d asks – why did she laugh when she heard that she would have a baby. Sarah denies it – and Avraham says she did laugh.

Avraham also laughs when he hears the news. But G-d isn’t concerned about his laugh. But G-d seems upset at Sarah’s laugh.

Apparently Avraham was laughing for Joy that he would have a child after all these years. Sarah laughed because it seemed like the fact she would have a child seemed unlikely.

If G-d wanted to cause peace between the couple – why does He bring up this fact to Avraham that she laughed.

One reason is  because either G-d wanted Sarah to correct herself – to have the proper Torah perspective – that she laugh should have been a laugh of Joy – not a laugh of skepticism.

Perhaps also that G-d wanted Avraham to correct this Middah (character trait) of skepticism in himself as well that caused it to manifest itself in Sarah.

It’s good for us to understand why react in a particular way. It behooves us to improve.

There is no Beit Midrash / Torah House of Study without a New Idea / Hidush.

I was in the Beit Midrash Today. I overheard a snippet of a conversation between a Rav and a Talmid / Student. He was explaining why people become sad when something bad happens.

He asked why does a person feel badly when something bad happens. A person gets a big dent in his car. He or She becomes upset.

But why? the car drives the same way as before? OK – you say – the price of the car goes down with a big dent. OK – let’s say it is a small dent – that is covered by your lease.

Possible answers why people are sad when bad things occur

One answer I thought – was that a person subconsciously wants to be perfect. Subconsciously he wants to emulate G-d. If his car is not perfect – he is deviating from being like G-d. Is that the right answer? I don’t know. Perhaps.

He answered why are people sad when bad occurs – he said that it is possible that deep down inside we realize that the bad that occurred was at least in part due to our failing.

For instance – let’s say we pray for an ill person to recover – and they do not. We may feel guilty that we did not pray enough for their recovery. Perhaps if we had prayed with all our hearts – the person would have been healed.

The concept of the Domino Effect – called Middah Keneged Middah / Measure for measure – exists in Judaism. Do good and get good. Do bad and bad is created.

Aside from the bad itself – we feel sad that perhaps we were the cause of the bad thing that happened.

Why Some are More Upset For a Car Dent than a Loss of Human Life

He explained that sometimes a person is more upset that he got a dent in his car than if an earthquake happened in a distant land. Shouldn’t it be the opposite – a person should be upset more for the loss of human life more than a car dent.

He attributed it to that reason – that a person can see that he was responsible for the dent. He feels badly for – either not obeying traffic rules, driving recklessly or that he dented someone else’s car and he didn’t make restitution.

But he can’t see why he is responsible for an earthquake that occurs in some country overseas.

It’s not that we are upset for just the loss – it is that we are also upset for being the cause of the loss.

I thought that that was a Hidush – perhaps I should ask him where are his Torah sources for this point.

Eavesdropping Again – the Real Repentance

A Rabbi at another table told a story. I believe it went something like – a woman was selling fruit. All of a sudden a gang of robbers came and started stealing her fruits. She was so upset she started crying while they were stealing. A friend said to her “Don’t cry – grab some of your own fruits for yourself!”

What do we do when we realize that we did wrong? At times we get depressed. How could I have done this bad thing? We become demoralized and become lackadaisical to continue performing good deeds. Our negative inclination says “You are such a lowly person for doing such a thing. You should be ashamed and sad and stay in that state of sadness.”

That is the trick of the negative inclination – to make you regret and resign from doing good. The point of feeling badly for a deed is to become better. So when someone feels badly for a bad thing – he or she should take a resolution to become better in the future.

If not – they are like the woman that cried and let the robbers take her fruits.

If a person sees that in their youth they wasted time from doing good – make a commitment that in the future they should put their time to better use.

Correct the thing that you think may have caused the bad thing (ie, the car dent) to occur. You’ll be happier in the future.