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Getting a Sunny Personality – Accepting Insult with Grace

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People insult.

The Giving End of Insults

We are sometimes on the giving end. I try not to insult people. I think – what do you gain? You make another person feel badly and you didn’t gain anything. Now that they are more angry at you because you insulted them – they are going to do what you want?

The concept of “Sticks and Stones may break my bones – but names will never harm me.” is not a true concept according to Torah. Words can hurt. Onaat Devarim / Pain With Words are a set of halachot / Jewish laws that Jews learn to not hurt others with words.

The Receiving End of Insults

We sometimes are on the receiving end of insults. I try not to get insulted by insults. I figure the other person had a bad day or something. Because the other person called me a donkey – did that make me into a donkey? No. It says in Torah – if someone calls you a donkey – prepare a saddle for your back. (Baba Kama 92b) Meaning – Don’t answer their insult – and acquiesce – rather than respond angrily – to their words.

The Healthy Sun

A French expression says “Sickness does not enter where the sun is.” So it is good to live in a place that has sunlight. Also – when a person has a sunny personality – he or she is less likely to become ill. People who let insults slide – do not hold grudges and feel anger or hatred. They avoid negative emotions & stress to have a negative physical effect on their bodies.

The Reward for Not Responding to Insults

The Torah says “Someone who is insulted but does not insult, One Who hears their degradation and answers not is like the Sun in it’s zenith” (Talmud: Tractate Shabbat 88b)

The atonement that does for all of his sins is greater than any other reparation he can make.

When One is Like the Sun

I was speaking with my friend Yossi. He explained to me why that kind of person is compared to the Sun. Why not say – he is like a lion?

Why is the Moon Smaller than the Sun

He answered – when Hash-m created the sun and the moon He created them the same size.

The moon complained – he said – “Hash-m there cannot be two rulers in the sky. G-d answered him – you are right. Make yourself smaller.”

When the sun was summoned to the discussion by Hash-m – Hash-m asked the sun – what does he have to say? The sun responded – with astonishment. He didn’t understand why he was summoned. He meant to say: “I don’t understand why I am summoned – It is You Hash-m who knows all. It is You who are the ruler of the world – what can I say?”

In that – the insulted who does not respond is like the sun. He accepts Hash-m’s judgement favorably, without complaint.

King David’s Reward

When Shimi ben Gera insulted David HaMelech / King David – His general said this man is rebellious against the King – let us kill him. David Hamelech replied – it is not he who insulted me – it is Hash-m who organized this.” His reward was so great – that his face was placed on the Throne of Glory.

The Best $250 I Ever Lost – Finding the Right Jewish School for Your Child

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I remember “Back to School” days. I was so excited. I had fresh new notebooks, new pens and pencils in a tidy pencil case. Everything was spiffy and new. I had new clothes for the new school year. I was eager to meet my new classmates and talk with my old friends.

It was a time of innocence.

The Jew Who Started Formal Education

By the way – the person who started schooling for the general population was a Jewish sage – Joshua ben Gamla – who lived about 1900 years ago. He – the Talmud (Tractate Bava Bathra 21a) states – instituted formal Jewish education and primary schooling. Prior to this, parents taught their children informally. He instituted schools in every town and made education compulsory from the age of 6 or 7.

Consulting G-d About Your Child

Three partners are responsible for the creation of man – the father, the mother and Hashem. The man and woman provide the physical parts – and G-d provides the soul. Thus I mention that before deciding on the welfare of one’s child – they should consult all partners – meaning the Mother, the Father and Hash-m. So when a person wants to send their child to a school – they should also consult the Torah opinion – which represents the view of Hash-m – by asking a competent Orthodox Rabbi.

Difference Between Torah Day Schools and Secular School

Today’s Torah Day Schools teach Kodesh / the Holy – Torah Subjects – and Hol / the Profane – like Math, English, History, Science and the like.

Secular schools do not teach ethics, proper behavior or religion. In secular schools it may even be prohibited. Torah schools – teach Torah topics – which teaches the children to respect parents, do kindness, respect the environment, respect authority and more.

Secular schools offer free tuition. One pays tuition for children enrolled in Torah Day schools. Many offer scholarships. Even if one cannot afford the tuition – they work with parents.

Is Free Really Free?

Free is not free. The money Jewish parents save in sending children to a secular school – is lost by the lack of respect, involvement with drugs and immorality children learn in the secular schools. The secular studies in Torah day schools is of high quality – reaching or exceeding the levels of the secular schools.

Jewish Continuity and Torah Schooling

Those who enroll in a Torah day school are much more likely to adhere to the continuity of the Jewish people – by eventually marrying within the faith. A statistic from a National Jewish Population Study found that Over 95% of those that attend Torah Day schools for 12 years marry within the Jewish faith – as opposed to 30% of people who marry within the Jewish faith of Jews that never had a Jewish education.

Reward for Parents and Kids

Every word of Torah learned gives tremendous reward to the learner – so parents and kids benefit in two ways – the children become better individuals & they get rewarded for learning Torah. The parents get part of the reward because they chose to put their child in an Orthodox Torah Day school.

Better Children

Torah day schools teach – mussar – how to be a better person – but also kids learn Yearat Shamayim – fear of Heaven or of Hash-m. I heard a child develops their awe of G-d before the age of three – so it is well worthwhile to put a child in a Torah day school from a young age.

Neutrality or Partiality of Secular Schools

I heard from school faculty – that Public Schools Today are not as “Parve” / neutral as one would think. A lot of secular schools impose societies “mores & morals” on children. Many which go against Torah ideals. So today it not a neutral thing to place a child in a secular school – the schools try to indoctrinate the children with society’s values.

G-d is with You – the Importance of Yireat Shamayim – Fear of Heaven

Some will ask why is fear of Hash-m important? A person is most of the time on their own. They act the way they feel. Nothing is really stopping them from doing, saying or thinking things that are harmful to others or themselves. When one fears Hash-m – they act with more restraint – for they know G-d is always with them watching them. But it also teaches a child that they are never alone – One of their parents – Hash-m is always with them.

The Choice between Two Jewish Schools

About 20 years ago – we were trying to select a school. We had a choice between – a Traditional Torah day school and a more Modern “Jewish” Nursery School. After weighing the Pros and Cons – we decided to enroll in the Modern “Jewish” Nursery School. We paid $250 for registration fees.  We went to the orientation session. Sitting in the little children seats – the teacher was proudly explaining what they were going to teach the innocent children.

As part of the demonstration – she proudly pointed to a large Television. She said “and every day we show the kids cartoons of popular cartoon characters.” A red flag went up in my and my spouse’s mind. “What? You want children to learn Torah values – from Mickey Mouse?! What kind of Jewish education is that? Is a misrepresentation to call yourself a Jewish school and teach the children street values.”

After the orientation – we politely exited and registered in a Traditional Torah Day School – not far from our home – that was under the auspices of a well-known and respected Orthodox rabbi. We lost the $250 registration fee from the other school. If I remember correctly – the Traditional Torah Day School – waived the registration fee. We were very satisfied with the education and the Yireat Shamayim they learned there.

The Torah day school staff was kind in letting us register at such a late date. Usually – registering for a Torah day school takes place about 8-10 months before school starts. We registered last minute.

That’s the best $250 I ever lost.

Of Angels and Animals – How to Rule Over Animals.

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Last week we read the first Parasha / Torah Reading of Bereshit / Genesis. Speaking of the creation of Man it says “You will rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the sky and all living creatures.” (Bereshit / Genesis 1:28)

When G-d made man the Torah says “Let us Make man… and He created man.” It should say let ME make man. Why does it say “Let US make man.” One explanation is that he was talking with the Earth. Man is composed of a physical Body made from earth and Spiritual soul that Hash-m supplies. Thus He said to the earth let us make man.

Another Explanation why it says “Let US make man” is that G-d has 10 attributes / Sephirot (Crown, Understanding, Wisdom, Strength, Kindness, Beauty, Splendor, Victory, Foundation & Kingship). He wanted to include them all in Man.

G-d wanted to teach the world a lesson – one should consult other people – even if they may not be as great as yourself. G-d consulted with the angels before creating man – Thus he said – “Let US create man.” When Hash-m actually created man – The Torah says “And Hash-m created {singular verb form} man.”

Another explanation is that G-d created man with all kinds of “animals” in him – at times he is bold like a leopard, or quick like the eagle, (see Pirkei Avot 5:20) or lazy like a sloth. It is up to man to overcome those animal instincts inside him. Thus it says – “You shall master over … the living creatures” – the creatures – inside a person.

When we do mitzvot, learn Torah and rule over our negative inclinations – we dominate our animals and become the way that man intended us to become. We become more like an angel. But really man is greater than an angel – if he uses his time for growing spiritually through Torah. If he follows his passions he becomes more like an animal.

Animals are naturally afraid of man. But when a man follows his animal inclinations – the animal sees the man as another animal and attacks him.

Once the Ohr HaChaim Hakadosh / Rabbi Haim Ben Attar – from Morocco – who wrote a commentary on the Torah – was sent into a lion’s cage by the sultan. The sultan was upset that he – a Jeweler by trade – did not make the Sultan’s Jewelry by the deadline. He took his Talit & Tephillin and Torah Sepharim / Books and sat there learning in the cage. The hungry lions were afraid to approach him.

The sultan saw this, realized that he was a Holy man and released the Ohr HaHaim – and apologized for doing so.

One of the ministers – sneered – perhaps the lions are not hungry. The sultan threw the minister in instead and the lions devoured him.

We can rule over the animals – if we rule over ourselves first.

Are People Really Insulting You? – the Woman Who Beat Up Her Husband

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A friend came up to me on Shabbat. “I am really upset – This person treated me like a bum. My aide and I were sitting quietly and he told me that we don’t sit here like a bum.”

What am I to do? Tell him that he didn’t do it. He did it.

I said – maybe the person who complained thought you were someone else.

I told him a true story.

Once a rabbi with a beard was peacefully walking down the street. A woman walked up to him and started yelling. “How dare you come to my neighborhood! After all the pain you caused me when we were married! You have no shame?!” Her anger turned violent. She started hitting him with her purse. “take that!”

“Excuse me lady. I am not your ex-husband.” She took a good look and apologized. Oh I am sorry – I thought you were my ex. He caused me so much pain. Forgive me.”

A friend asked him – were you upset at her after what she did to you? He replied “No. She wasn’t beating me up – she was beating up her ex-husband.”

At times a person insults you. He might not be angry at you – perhaps he or she had a bad day and you happen to be in the way of that person’s anger.

You can take it personally. You can use it to change for the better. Or you can say perhaps the anger is directed at someone else or something else I did at another time.

Who is Watching Over You

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I was pouring sugar into a spoon to put into my Coffee. The container suddenly let out a spurt of sugar over my spoon. Apparently – it was equal or less to the amount of sugar I usually put into my coffee. I thought – “why did that happen?”

Nothing is chance. I figured either G-d wanted to give me the amount of sugar I needed without me having to make the effort of measuring it out – or He wanted me to limit my sugar intake by allowing less than I usually take to fall into the coffee – yet, an amount that I would be satisfied with. I figured it was something that a parent would do.

Where is G-d

As a child prodigy, Rabbi Yonathan Eibeshutz was asked – I’ll give you a Ruble if you tell me where G-d is. He replied “I’ll give you a Ruble if you tell me where He is not.”

G-d is Everywhere

Hash-m is everywhere. In Hebrew G-d is called “HaMakom” – “the Place” because He is every place. It is not that G-d is in the world – the world is in G-d. G-d is infinite – the universe is finite.

Hash-m Helps based upon Belief

Hash-m helps all people. Yet he helps people based upon how much one believes in Him. One who has strong belief in Hash-m He will help more than one who doesn’t believe as much.

Winning the Lotto

My aunt – once needed to go to visit her parents. She has much emuna. She needed to pay for the plane ticket and travel expenses. She bought a lottery ticket and prayed very sincerely to Hash-m to help her make the money she needed.

She won over $2000 dollars that week – enough money to buy tickets and to pay for traveling expenses.

 

Hospital & Doctor Statistics – Should They Have Checks & Balances & Standards to Live up to as Well?

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In Torah it says – you shall surely guard your soul. One Meaning is – you should do your utmost to be, and remain healthy.

I was discussing the Covid era. Some Hospitals were marking the cause of certain non-covid related deaths as Covid-related. For Covid patients – they might have received $50,000 dollars per patient from the government.

I heard one hospital reported a Covid related death – when a person fell from a ladder.

OK. They can Report what they want. But there should be a consequence or a check and balance. For instance – let’s say they are obligated to report – amount of people treated – based upon who they bill. Then they would report – how many people healed. For instance let’s say 100 people were treated for covid – and 98 people survived. So they would have a 98% covid healing rate rate.So if they report more Covid related deaths – yes they would get more money from the government – but they would lose in terms of “percent of people healed by ailment” statistics. Thus they would not be so quick to report a death as Covid related. Their income might go up. But in the long term that doctor or hospital would lose customers because people would “shop” for the best hospital or doctor based upon statistics.

Caring Doctors would apply for jobs to hospitals that have high healing statistics. Or Caring doctors might go to hospitals with low healing statistics – to help bring up the healing statistics of the hospitals.

These statistics should be readily available for a person to make informed decisions. They do it for cars – shouldn’t they do it for hospitals.

I think also they should have statistics for amount cesarean sections per pregnancies. If the hospital is high in that statistic – women would have the information necessary to choose a hospital best suited for her needs.

==

This Post is Dedicated to My Friend Reuven Ohayon, z”l – who recently succumbed to Covid.

 

 

Dreams – What are they Telling Us? – the 4 Kinds of Dreams

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In Talmud Tractate Berakhot (55a) it talks about interpretation of dreams. It says a dream that is not interpreted is like a letter that is not opened.

How to interpret Dreams

How can you interpret dreams? Interpret them in a positive way. Once two rabbis went to a dream interpreter. One paid his fee – one did not. To the one that paid he interpreted the dream positively. To the one that did not pay – even though the dream was very similar – he interpreted it in a negative manner. Everything that he interpreted came to fruition. In the end one saw in his dream interpretation guide – that dreams go according to the interpretation.

When someone tells a Moroccan Jew – they had a dream – they usually reply “Halom Tov. Halom Shalom.” / A good dream. A dream of peace. Thus it’s better to ask a person who likes you to interpret it rather than someone who holds a grudge against you.

I was talking with a person – he mentioned that there are various forms of dreams. He mentioned two – but I think there are more.

Dreams of Day’s Events

One is a dream that was prompted by the events of the day or the ideas in the person’s mind. This kind of dream – could be just a fear being put into a story or a thought of the days happenings.

This dream might reveal to a person ways to correct themselves. I read a story from Torah about a similar incident – where one used the message of a dream to correct themselves.

He gave me an example. Once someone dreamed about Sadaam Husein. He was taken aback that in the dream Sadaam was inviting him to sit next to him. When he woke – he expressed his thoughts about Sadaam – that he was cruel and heartless. He thought of his deeds of that day – and found that he acted in a heartless manner to someone he spoke with on the phone and hung up on him. He realized that that was the message of the dream and called up the person to apologize of his cold and heartless behavior.

Dreams of the Prophetic Kind

Some have dreams similar to prophecy. In English (or really French) – we call them Deja Vu – which is the French for “already was seen.” If a person has a disturbing dream – according to halacha / Jewish law – he or she may fast on Shabbat – the day where we are to eat 3 meals – to nullify the the dream. Like we learned in the Yom Kippur Prayer and in the Gemara / Talmud – Teshuva / Repentence, Tefila / Prayer [to Hash-m], & Tzedeka / charity [to a Torah sanctioned cause] – removes a bad decree. Fasting is one way to do Teshuva. In the section of the Humash that talks of Joseph’s dreams – he had prophetic dreams, The cup bearer & the baker had prophetic dreams. Pharaoh also had dreams. In Masechet Berakhot – it says that dreams are one sixtieth of prophecy.

Dreams of Nonsense

Some dreams are nonsensical. It could be the whole dream or part of the dream. In part of Joseph’s dream – there was an untruth. He dreamed that the son & the moon and 11 stars were bowing to him – representing that his father & mother and 11 brothers would bow to him. His mother already passed away – so it couldn’t be that the moon would bow to him.

Dreams of People of the Past

Some dream of people who already died. At times these people are given the right to transmit a message to a person. I have a friend that dreamed that he should hit the person who broke into his apartment on the head with a pan. Someone soon after broke into his home looking for drug money. He listened to the dream and abstained from hitting him – he scared him away.

Someone else I know had a dream of their mother. Their mother was plucking a chicken. Her mother was about to put the chicken in the oven – then at the last minuted she said “Throw the chicken away – it is spoiled” The Dreamer interpreted that – the girl her son was dating – was not a good match for her son. She consulted rabbis & did research and found that she was not a suitable match.

 

The Man with a Thousand Lives

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You learn a lot in the Beit Midrash / Torah house of Study. I overheard a conversation between a rabbi and a new student. He said – how does Torah compare to my life. I like to go skydiving – that’s exciting.

The rabbi answered him – “When you live for yourself you live one life. When you live Torah – you live a thousand lives. You learn about your study partner’s life, your student’s life, your friend’s. People come to you for advice for their concerns. You are not living only your life – but the lives of all those people.”

Real people. Real friends. Real concerns.

The boy tried to answer – I live for others when I skydive. The Rabbi made a joke – “What as a Kapparah / atonement for others?” The boy said “Has VeShalom / G-d forbid.” The rabbi also said the same – but he persisted with his question – “How do you live other’s lives when you skydive?”

The boy wasn’t able to answer.

I thought it was an interesting way of looking at things. I don’t really think I ever thought of it that way.

Sukkot & Enjoying the Great Outdoors

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You Shall Rejoice on your Festival – and thus you will be happy. Sukkot / the festival of “Booths” or Huts – was given to the Jews when we were in the Desert.

The Outdoor Festival

We live in huts – with earth grown roofs – for seven days. We leave our permanent residence and live in a temporary hut – reminding us of our temporary stay in the world.

The reason we live in Sukkot – Huts – is to remind us of how we lived in the desert after leaving Egypt – in huts.

The Protecting Clouds

Another reason is to remind us of the clouds of glory. Seven clouds accompanied us in the desert. One was a pillar of cloud that guided us. Another cloud – above us shielded us from the heat of the sun. Four other clouds – protected us from enemies. One cloud below removed snakes and scorpions and noxious creatures.

Putting Materialism Aside

Living in the succah helps us to put materialism aside and appreciate Hash-m’s world. We put our faith in Hash-m and leave the comfort of our more-permanent home. It also serves as an atonement – because when we leave our home – it is as if we are lving in exile. This atones for our sins.

Women’s Exemption

Living in the sukkah is a Positive Commandment from the Torah that is caused by time. Thus only men are obligated to live in the sukkah – for women – it is optional.

Serving G-d in All Ways

I thought of another reason – in Judaism – we go all out to serve our creator. At times we eat to serve Him – like on Shabbat – that we eat three meals of Shabbat. At times we fast – like on Yom Kippur – where we aspire to be like angels who don’t eat. We serve G-d inside the house – and outside the house (in the Sukkah). We serve Him – by resting – to get rest on Shabbat – and by staying awake – like on Hoshana Rabba & Shavuot – where we stay up all night to learn Torah.

Love of G-d

A person who loves his or her child is ready to do all for him. We – following Torah – show Hash-m we are ready to do all for Him.

The Order of Kapparot with Money before Yom Kippur

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Bs’d
*Kapparot with Money*
Anyone who wants to do kapparot with  – that is given to tzedaka – please call Matatia Chetrit at 718.962.4872.

*To do it yourself:*

*Kapparot Process*
Before yom kippur some use money to be an atonement for the person – giving them a greater chance to be written in the book of life.
If you want to do it yourself.  Take value of a chicken – about $10. Spin it around on top of person’s head. Say appropriate text 3 times.

If you do it for you yourself circle your head with money – and say paragraph 1. For a Male say paragraph 2. For a female say paragraph 3. For 2 or more people say paragraph 4.

The person who it is being done for should think of the letters – ח ת כ. And do teshuva- repentance at same time. Give money to a poor Jewish family. Or to a Torah cause.
If you want to give to MJO shaar Hashamayim synagogue we have a PayPal account of jenet@iname.com
Gmar hatima tova.
Mjony.org

*סֵדֶר הַכַּפָּרוֹת*
*The order of the Kapparot / Atonements*

He will take the money in his hand ($10) and turn it over his head, and say the wording, then he will take another money and turn it over to his wife and he will do it for his children.

The one who turns over himself will say 3 times in Hebrew Below – (optional – repeat the Translation in English below):

1. These are the monies in exchange for me, in stead of me, in atonement for me. These monies will be given to charity, and I will enter into a life of good and peace.

The one doing the kapparot will turn money over a person’s (or people’s) head(s) and say 3 times:

2. 3. 4. These are the monies in exchange for you, in stead of you, in atonement for you. These monies will be given to charity, and you will enter into a life of good and peace.

Once he has made the order of the atonement for him and his whole family it is possible to give a donation to mjo or a torah cause and after the payment he will be able to use the money for himself.

יִקַּח בְּיָדוֹ אֶת הַכֶּסֶף (10$) וִיסוֹבֵב מֵעַל רֹאשׁוֹ, וְיֹאמַר אֶת הַנֻּסָּח, אַחַ”כּ יִקַּח כֶּסֶף אַחֵר וִיסוֹבֵב לְאִשְׁתּוֹ וְכֵן יַעֲשֶׂה לִילָדָיו.

1. הַמְּסֻבָּב לְעַצְמוֹ יֹאמַר 3 פְּעָמִים:
*1. (for himself)*
*אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת חֲלִיפָתִי, תְּמוּרָתִי, כָּפָּרְתִּי. אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת יִנָּתְנוּ לִצְדָקָה, וְאֶכָּנֵס אֲנִי לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים וּלְשָׁלוֹם.*

*ellu hamma’ot ḥalífatí, temuratí, kappartí. ellu hamma’ot yinnatenu litṣdakah, veekkanes aní leḥayyím tovím uleshalom.*

2. הַמְּסֻבָּב לְזָכָר יֹאמַר 3 פְּעָמִים:
*2. (for a male)*

*אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת חֲלִיפָתְךָ, תְּמוּרָתְךָ, כַּפָּרָתְךָ. אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת יִנָּתְנוּ לִצְדָקָה, וְתִכָּנֵס אַתָּה לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים וּלְשָׁלוֹם.*

*ellu hamma’ot ḥalífatecha, temuratecha, kapparatecha. ellu hamma’ot yinnatenu litṣdakah, vetikkanes attah leḥayyím tovím uleshalom.*

3. הַמְּסֻבָּב לַנְּקֵבָה יֹאמַר 3 פְּעָמִים:
*3. (for a female)*
*אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת חֲלִיפָתֵךְ, תְּמוּרָתֵךְ, כַּפָּרָתֵךְ. אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת יִנָּתְנוּ לִצְדָקָה, וְתִכָּנְסִי אַתְּ לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים וּלְשָׁלוֹם.*

*ellu hamma’ot ḥalífatech, temuratech, kapparatech. ellu hamma’ot yinnatenu litṣdakah, vetikkanesí at leḥayyím tovím uleshalom.*

*4. (for a group)*
*אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת חֲלִיפַתְכֶם, תְּמוּרַתְכֶם, כַּפָּרַתְכֶם. אֵלּוּ הַמָּעוֹת יִנָּתְנוּ לִצְדָקָה, וְתִכָּנְסוּ אַתֶּם לְחַיִּים טוֹבִים וּלְשָׁלוֹם.*

*ellu hamma’ot ḥalífatchem, temuratchem, kapparatchem. ellu hamma’ot yinnatenu litṣdakah, vetikkanesu attem leḥayyím tovím uleshalom.*

לְאַחַר שֶׁעָשָׂה אֶת סֵדֶר הַכַּפָּרוֹת לוֹ וּלְכֹל מִשְׁפַּחְתּוֹ נִתַּן לְשַׁלֵּם כָּאן בַּאֲתַר אוֹן-לַיְן וּלְאַחַר הַתַּשְׁלוּם יוּכַל לְהִשְׁתַּמֵּשׁ בְּכֶסֶף לְעַצְמוֹ.