What is the key to emotional freedom?
Impalas are constantly exposed to life-threatening predators who are eager to devour them without a moment’s notice. At times, the predators succeed in catching the impala and delivering a ferocious blow before the impala can escape with its life. Interestingly, immediately post the attack the impala begins shaking as if in the throes of a terrible seizure. And then, they walk away as if nothing happened, without the slightest trace of post trauma effects. Through studying the impala, Peter Levine, author of The Waking Tiger describes the principle of healing and resilience. Upon experiencing a traumatic reality, our body generates immense energy due to our instinctual survival nature of fight or flight, yet we are paralyzed in the moments and the energy is trapped within. Trauma is being inhibited and weighed down by that energy, healing is through the release of that energy. The impala emerges emotionally and mentally unscathed due to their peculiar yet critical post trauma shaking, this releases all their pent up energy and allows them to live a trauma free life.
Mr. Rogers famously said, “If it’s speakable, it’s manageable.” When an experience is too painful to speak about, it’s generally due to it being an intertwined part of our narrative and how we perceive ourselves. Dysfunction is the experience of being paralyzed within a dysfunctional reality, due to the high level of negative energy that is stuck. The negative energy is so entrenched in our essence that it defines how we understand ourselves, others and the world. This leaves little space for an alternative reality. Externalizing this narrative, creates space for a reality that’s more distant from self and thereby more malleable and susceptible for it to be altered.
“The opposite of depression is expression.” This was penned by Judith Eger, A holocaust survivor who was downtrodden by her inhuman experience yet went on to become a world renowned psychologist and the author of The Choice. The key is to move through the traumatic experience through any form of expression, be it art, dance, karate, speech, writing or any other form which feels right. Finding language to release our deep angst creates a pathway to externalize our trauma and thereby beginning to heal and live.
This sounds pretty easy, just talk about or dance through the angst and you’re healed. Yet, those who’ve experienced trauma know that it’s a lot more complex. This can be understood using the traffic light. We have certain emotions and realities which are green – safe emotions that we’re comfortable experiencing and expressing. The list may include joy, satisfaction, care, anger, boredom, disappointment.
Next is yellow, these are emotions and realities that are uncomfortable, yet they’re manageable to experience and express. It may require coaching and inner work, but it’s possible to externalize these realities. This list may include love, appreciation, sadness, vulnerability, loneliness.
Last are red experiences. These realities are so painful or dangerous we can’t even admit them to others or even to ourselves. They are suppressed within, hidden from view. Yet, these realities are very alive and present and affect the way we see ourselves, the world, and others. They wreck tremendous havoc in ourselves and our relationships, yet because they have no name or form they are free to do as they wish without ever being called out. This may include hope, intimacy, jealousy, shame, self-loathing.
Emotional dysfunction is having a disproportionately larger ‘red light,’ in which emotions and life experiences are threatening and therefore suppressed. The goal is to move ‘red realities’ into the safer zones of yellow and green. Health comes from having a larger green light and a smaller red light. The goal is to move Now for the big questions, how can one tap into red realities in order to express them? For that a person needs deep safety.
Safety is the key to making even red realities hold-able so they can be seen and externalized. Building safety is both simple and deeply complicated. It’s a process that requires patience, compassion, and connection with self.
Rivka Hadad is a practicing mental health counselor (MHC) in Israel. She works with individuals working through various mental health struggles.
She can be reached at rivkahadad18@gmail.com