Many a time a person runs into a brick wall – we try all we can, but everything seems to fail.
The secret to success is to determine what is good and to pursue it or to determine what is not good and abandon it.
Before we rented, we considered buying different houses in the neighborhood.
In the market:
One House – we made an offer but it was slightly too low for the seller. They didn’t want to come down.
Another – we found out was in contract, but was open to bids. We didn’t want to make a bid on something in contract.
One we were seriously considering making an offer – but declined because it was slightly too small.
One we made an offer – the offer was accepted. We signed the contract and delivered it to the other lawyer- but the lawyers got into a disagreement that threw out the whole deal.
Finally, we decided to rent. We are happy.
Sometimes things are not meant to be.
We know only a small part of all the variables that are relevant to our decision. G-d knows all.
We know only the present and past. G-d knows all.
The wisdom is to know what is good for us, which effort to apply and when to stop making an effort.
The effort consists of doing our utmost after using our brain diligently to determine a proper course of action.
If we see all else fails – it could mean that it is not a proper path to take or that we are not applying enough effort.
Obviously all acts must be viewed through the field of vision of Torah to determine whether the action to be done is proper.
Using Torah as a guide, one filters out what is good and what is not for the ultimate good of a person.
So once that first step is taken, we must make our proper effort which includes making a serious effort, wanting the desired outcome and praying.
If a person searches for a job, but has no desire to work, it is possible he will not find the right job.
If a person wants to steal, and makes the proper effort, he will be successful.
Thus all four ingredients are necessary 1) Knowing and following Torah Perspective, 2) Wanting the Desired outcome, 3) Making the Proper Effort, and 4) Prayer.
But you must leave a little leeway for Hash-m / G-d to ultimately decide. Thus prayers should be directed as “My G-d, if buying this house is good for us spiritually, materially and according to Torah please let us have the merit of purchasing it. If it is not let us find a better one for us.”
or in the case of deciding on a marriage partner:
“My G-d, if marrying this person [insert name] is good for me spiritually, materially and according to Torah please let me have the merit of marrying him or her. If they are not for me please help me find a better mate for me.”
At times a person needs more merit to deserve a certain outcome. IF a person wants to marry a princess – first he should become a prince. And vice versa. Meaning if one wants to marry a person with a kind heart, you yourself should work on becoming a kinder person. Become what you want to be in goodness and receive the goodness you deserve.
Good is making yourself happy. Good is helping yourself advance spiritually. Good is that you will be better able to raise a family dedicated to Torah ideals.