G-d gave us a beautiful world. He gave it to us to enjoy.

It is a Mitzvah to enjoy the pleasures G-d gave us – the delicious fruit, the awesome nature, relationships with people and more.

Unfortunately many people are hurt or offended by others and instead of getting over it, they dwell on the past, live with quarrel and chips on the shoulders. This puts a damper on the enjoyment one is to have.

In Pirkei Avot (4:21) it states about Removing Oneself from the World:

Rabbi Eliezer Hakefar says jealousy and desire and honor remove a person from the world.

Why is this?

One answer is : Because he does not live his own life and enjoy it – he lives his life based upon others and his satisfaction is dependent upon them.

The person who has jealousy is living his life based upon the what other people have. The possessions of others are controlling his life.

The Person who has desire is living life based upon the desire of others. Others are also controlling their life.

Honor seeking also puts control of one’s life in other people’s hands. One lives because of the honor that others provide.

So the person that pursues the above puts the control of their life in the hands of others.

People walk around with chips on the shoulder – this person did this to me. This person didn’t help me when I needed it. This person took away my job.

There are many ways to cope and get over the above.

1. Remember any thing that happens is from G-d. He only does good.
That that the person did it means that he was just a messenger. See the good in the situation.

For instance – let’s say you want to get a certain promotion at your company and you did not get it.
Before you are evaluated to receive it you should say to yourself:
If I get the promotion it is good – I will have more potential to help the company.
If I don’t get the promotion it is good – I will have more time to spend with my family.

In this way one will have a win-win situation.

If they get the thing they wanted – good.
If they don’t they will also be satisfied.

Usually one thinks – if I get A good. If they don’t they feed badly.
Using the win-win situation one will be happy in either case.

2. Try to reduce Jealousy, Honor Seeking and Desire.
This will eliminate also many disappointments in life.

3. Judge People favorably
Perhaps the boss did not give you a raise not because he felt you did not deserve it but because the company was having financial difficulty at that point. Or they did not recognize your true worth.

4. Focus your efforts on progressing not on dwelling on the past.
Many people get into the consumation game – they are consumed with a particular problem and they dwell on it. This makes them unproductive and greatly limits their potential. Instead one should look ot how they can realize their potential rather than putting others down.

5. Count your blessings.
One usually has much to be thankful for. Focus on the good you have rather than what you lack. Like it says in Pirkei Avot (4:1) about Being Wise, Rich and Honored
1. Ben Zoma says …Who is the rich person – one who is content with his lot as it says “If your hand arrives that you can eat – happy are you and it is good for you” (Tehillim 128:2) “happy” — in this world; “and it will be good for you” — in the next world.

6. See the Good in Others
One way is to 1. take a sheet of paper. 2. Write the name of the person that you have animosity towards. 3. list all their good qualities and good things they did for you. This will help you to see the person in more of an accurate light.

7. Feel for the Other Person
Perhaps the other person is living difficult times – that is why they acted in a way contrary to your expectations.

8. Live your life to please Hash-m Rather than to please others.
When one does the will of G-d, concern for what others think or do becomes more irrelevant. Your focus is to please G-d not to please others.

9. Be Noble
Usually it is the greater individual that forgives and forgets about the bad of others.

10. Know that G-d is happy when you live Peacefully with others
This will allow you to overlook slights against you.

11. Be Resilient
Kids Fight. Two minutes later they are playing again together. Learn from them.

These are some simple guidelines from the Torah that can vastly improve one’s outlook and enjoyment in life.