The Separate Wedding – Do Good for Yourself & the Dead

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A Kosher phone. Kosher food. Kosher thoughts.

In Torah we – are careful what we ingest. Vegans & Vegetarians are careful because they don’t want to hurt animals. We eat Kosher – that is careful not to hurt animals – in the sense that animals are slaughtered without feeling pain. But in Kosher food – we also refrain from hurting our souls.

We do not eat non-kosher not because it is not healthy. Non kosher food may be very healthy. We do not eat it because we are concerned with our souls. Non-kosher food is detrimental to our souls. The Torah wants us to be refined. Eating an unrefined animal may cause us to acquire some of the unrefined characteristics of that animal.

When we have a wedding we make sure the food is Kosher for the guests. But more than that we are careful to not to cause things detrimental to the soul of others. In Torah-observant weddings there is music, dancing, food and holiness.

The bride and groom are entering into holy matrimony. One of the ways we keep this wedding holy is to separate the men and the women. We hold dancing separately as to not cause promiscuity and incite improper thoughts among the guests.

The sages say that having a separate-dancing wedding helps the couple. It brings holiness to the couple’s relationship. It prevents them from having problems later in life.

If you think of it it makes sense having separate dancing at a wedding & Bar Mitzvah. For the bar mitzvah – we celebrate the boy becoming a man – being responsible to observe the Mitzvot of Hash-m. Yes dance. But to dance mixed is to turn a meaningful event into a disco. That’s inappropriate. The same applies to the wedding. Why turn a holy event into a cheap discotheque?

Torah says that the departed relatives of the bride and the groom attend a kosher wedding. Let them enjoy the wedding.

The Prince’s Gift

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There was once a king. Getting older, he realized that one day he had to give over his kingdom to his successor, his son. After educating him in history, science, music, math and aspects of being a king he called in his son. ” My dear son , one day you will be king. As a king one must understand the needs of his people. Till now we gave you the best formal education. Now we want to send you out into the world to learn how to deal with all kinds of people. For one year you will travel from place to place with an assistant to go about your learning of how to deal with people. I just ask from you that you bring me a souvenir which – could be an object or a piece of information – as a momento of your voyage.”

The next day The Prince and his assistant set out to travel throughout the country. They met many people & discovered many places. Near the end of their voyage they realized soon they had to return the to the Palace and had still not found a souvenir to bring back to the king.

The prince said to his assistant “Let’s go to this County Fair and see if we can find something worthwhile to buy for the king.” They went to the fair and saw a merchant selling jewelry. The jewelry caught the prince’s eye. He said this is a great gift for the king. They asked Jeweler how much it cost. The Jeweler replied 18000 rubles. He was very interested and told his assistant quietly we have 20 thousand rubles. Let’s buy this jewelry for the king. His assistance replied “We can’t just buy jewelry without determining if it is authentic.” They asked around if there was an independent jeweler in the town.

They found that there was no Jeweler but someone mentioned that there was a very wise rabbi that’s could possibly help them. They asked where could they find him. People directed them to his house. They asked where they could find the rabbi – they had an important question for him. She said “the governor of this town does not like the Jews – so he finds false accusations to keep the rabbi in jail. The rabbi is now in jail on a false accusation.”

The prince and his assistant go to the jail hand speak with the Warden – ” we need to talk with this rabbi” they show that they are from the palace and the warden lets the rabbi out. They bring the rabbi to the jeweler. They ask him “Do you know anything about jewelry?” the Rabbi says a little bit. “Can you tell us if this jewelry is real?”

The rabbi took the jewelry and threw it on the floor. The jewels that appeared to be diamonds shattered into pieces. The rabbi said obviously these are not real diamonds otherwise they would not have broken.

The assistant said “Thank you so much. You saved us thousands of rubles.” The prince said “very good. send him back to jail.”

They were back to square one. They had to find a gift for the king. They found at the fair a beautiful White Arabian horse for sale. They asked the merchant the price of the horse. He replied 15000 rubles. The prince was excited to buy the horse. His assistant reason him and said we have to see if this is a worthwhile purchase. They did not find an expert in horses in the town. They decided to bring back the rabbi to validate the sale.

They brought back the rabbi. They asked “Does the rabbi know how to evaluate a horse?” He said “Not particularly, but it would make sense for someone to ride the horse before purchasing it.”

The prince told the merchant get on the horse and to ride it before him. The merchant hesitated but the prince was adamant. When he got up on the horse it was running wild, bucking up and down and standing up. He threw the merchant onto the fence. The merchant was badly bruised. The assistant was shaken that this could have happened to the king had they given the horse to the king.

The assistant thanked the rabbi very much. The prince said “okay. send him back to the prison.”

The prince was worried because he did not have a gift to take back to the king. He remembered that he could bring the king an astounding piece of information. He told this to the assistant. The assistant said “Let’s ask the rabbi. He is very wise. He can tell us astounding information.”

They went to the rabbi, asking him for information to bring back to the king. The rabbi responded – “I have astounding information but I can only tell it to the prince alone.” The assistant was reluctant, but the prince assured him that he could trust the old rabbi to stay alone with him.

Alone, the rabbi approached the prince and whispered in his ear. “Do not be shocked. The astounding information I have to tell you is that ‘you are not the actual son of the king.'” The prince was shaken. I didn’t know how to take this information.

The assistant asked him what did the rabbi tell you? The prince could not reveal it to him. He was in a rush to get back to the Palace. At the palace they made a grand reception for the return of the prince. After the festivities – the king had a private conversation with the prince. He asked him what is the souvenir you brought me? The prince was still shaking. He said “I met a rabbi and he told me that I I’m not your real son.”

The King was astounded. The prince demanded that the king tell him the truth. The King admitted that he was not his real son but an adopted son. the king didn’t know how this information leaked out. No one knew is this Secret.

They called the Rabbi and the King asked – “How is it that you knew that my son was not my real son?” The Rabbi replied “When your son called me for help to select a gift for you – the first time I saved him thousands of Rubles – afterwards he threw me back in prison. The second time I saved him from possibly causing the King to be thrown off a wild horse – afterwards he threw me back in prison. A person who has Royal blood has feelings of Gratitude towards others. He should have freed me from prison out of gratitude. The fact he did not,  I determined he was not your real son.”

Gratitude is a sign of nobility. Gratitude to family. Gratitude to others. Gratitude to G-d.

– A Story from the Riznitzer Rebbe

The 95 Million Dollar Mistake

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Someone I know woke up one morning. His private bank called him. “Did you happen to make a transfer of $95 Million to your account?”

“No.” He replied. “It appears someone mistakenly sent $95 Million Dollars to your account. We don’t know the sender because it was an anonymous account.”

Four Months pass and interest in those days was high – about 15%. He accrued the interest. Lawyers for the sender of the money finally contact the bank. They say we are requesting the money back. You don’t have to return the interest. You just have to sign some papers.

The receiver man refused. He said I want to meet the sender in person. The person took a plane to Europe and they met face to face. He was an American. The receiver told him I wanted to assure myself that this was not a scam or a laundering operation. He told his lawyers to check the papers and he signed – giving the $95 Million dollars back and the interest as well.

The American thought it was foolish not to at least keep the interest. The receiver replied “It’s yours – you keep it.”

I heard it first Hand. In Torah it says “Dover Emet Bilvavo” – Speak truth in your heart.

Once Rabbi Safra was reciting the Shema Yisrael. Someone offered him to price to buy a diamond – while he was saying it. Since the rabbi didn’t / couldn’t answer the offer – the man offered a higher price. He kept on offering a higher price. When Rav Safra completed his Shema – he said – I’ll give it to you for the initial price you offered. I accepted the offer in my heart and it would be dishonest to accepat a higher price.

Torah Honesty says “Speak truth in your Heart.”

Accounting Time. Did You Gain?

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People have budgets. I want to spend this for my rent, for my transportation, for my car, for my vacation.

We do good. We do bad. Judaism makes it easier – it tells us what is good & what is wrong. (Jews may see the Code of Jewish Law / Shulchan Aruch /) (Gentiles may see the 7 Noahide Laws) It helps us remove ourselves from doubt.

The reason why we follow after evil is because we feel we gain.

But the question is – did we ever do the accounting of what we gained from the pleasures we pursued. The question is : What did I gain? Did I become better? Did I get a reward? Did my life become easier or harder after the deeds?

Personally I noticed after following after desires – I noticed difficulties follow. Perhaps the reason to follow the good path should not be because of fear of punishment – but because one realizes that Hash-m does good. That we missed the mark.

Regretting, correction & Teshuva always helps.

 

Got to Have Paaaatience

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I am pulling out of Airport. Many empty toll lanes to pay for parking . Obviously I go behind the one with the car – I don’t know why. Apparently the guy in front of me is searching for his ticket or money.

I start getting impatient. I think – wow – this is a good time to exercise my patience. Everything that happens to us – is an opportunity to improve. Hash-m / G-d sends us these opportunities regularly – to help us better ourselves. Knowing that in itself helps us calm down. So when I encounter such a situation – I may think “This is a Test” or “This is an opportunity.”

So I talk with my passenger. “You know some Rabbis used to take a tangled string and untangle it in order to exercise their patience.” “Really” they reply. “I guess this now is a good exercise to exercise my patience” I say with a smile.

A couple moments pass. Their car then passes the toll gate.

The Baby Brought You a Gift

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A new baby is born. How can we make the other siblings happy? What can we do to prevent jealousy? Bring them a gift when the baby is born. Some parents go to the extent to tell the siblings – “The Baby Brought You a Gift.” Is it truthful? I don’t know – but that’s not the subject today.

Where Prophesy Resides Today

Baba Batra 12b – says Rabbi Yoḥanan said: From the day that the Temple was destroyed, prophecy was taken from the prophets and given to “fools” and children. Prophesy was removed from the world – it was given to children. We can understand this in various ways.

Autistic Savants

Regarding the prophetic “fools” – this might refer to the autistic people. A method of communication with autistic people was discovered called “Facilitated Communication” People use a computer as communication device for the autistic person to type on. The person asks a question and the autistic person responds by typing the answer. They found these people to have highly developed souls that know things of the spiritual world that an ordinary person knows not. A book on the subject was written called “Secrets of the Soul.” An entire website is dedicated to it.

Children Savants

Regarding the prophetic “children” – this may refer to children that recite a Torah verse in response to a question asked. Children used to learn Torah verses by heart. A person wanting an answer to a question  would ask a random child what verse they learned and that verse would at times give a response to their question.

Another explanation by rabbi Shimon ben Elazer in the Talmud that a house, a child, a woman even though there is no nichush – there is prophesy.

A sefer called Etz Chaim – written by Rabbi Haim Vital the talmid / student of the great Sage and Kabbalist – Rabbi Yitzhak Luria – the Ari”zl. He says If a person’s mazal / fortune increases, or intelligence in Torah,  after buying a house, or after having a child or marrying a wife. Rabbi Salman Eliyahu – Kerem Shlomo – writes on the Etz Haim. He says Every child that is born to a person brings a gift – like a better income, or better fortune or better Torah understanding. When the child leaves the house – he takes the gift with him.

This also applies to gentiles. Judaism is against abortion – unless the fetus is threatening the immediate life of the woman. He is another reason why people shouldn’t abort children – perhaps they will bring you a good fortune.

The Baby will Bring You a Gift.

His Soul is Bound with His Soul – How to Connect with People in Judaism

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Yehuda was pleading before the ruler of Egypt (Parasha Vayigash). Tzafenat Paneach (who was actually Yehuda’s Brother Yosef) wanted to take Yehuda’s brother, Binyamin, as a slave. Yehuda, son of Leah, was ready to give his life in this world and the next to save his brother from same father – Yaakov / Jacob – but another mother – Rachel. He told the ruler – you cannot take my brother. If you do so his elderly father will be brought down to the grave – he says:

And now, when I come to your servant, my father, and the lad is not with us; . (Bereshit 44:30)

The Torah tells you the essence of all. Here the Torah teaches the definition of Love. The text says in Hebrew “Ve Nafsho Keshura BeNafsho” – “and his soul is connected with his soul.” Targum Yonathan (the Aramaic translation of the Torah) translates Keshura – bound or connected as haviva – beloved. Meaning he translates that “And His Soul is Beloved like His Soul”

Thus Love is equated to connection.

Rabbi Nechemia Grama spoke about the subject of Connecting with children entitled – Ve Nafsho Keshura BeNafsho.

He asked for a one word definition of love. The response was “Connection.” He made a distinction between fulfilling a child’s physical needs – and the child’s soul’s needs.

He asked children What is the difference between their mother and their live in cleaning lady?

One child said “The cleaning lady gets paid to clean the house. My mother doesn’t”

Another “You can fire the cleaning lady – you can’t fire my mother.”

The point is that – children need to feel the relationship.

If a child that thinks his mother is an alternate cleaning lady – it may mean that his mother (or father) may be lacking in the connection department. A child should know and feel that their parents love them.

Soul Connection

When we make a physical connection between objects there are two parts. When we connect with another person – what are we connecting with? We are connecting one soul with another soul.

One Question he asked was “Why does a child do nothing significant in the first 5 years of life?” You feed them, you carry them, you play with them – but they accomplish little or nothing. He explained that one reason is to give a parent opportunities to connect with the child those 5 years.

Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe says a 3 month child can distinguish between a smiling look and angry look. Who knows what is more important to a child – is it the food that you give to them or the orat hapanim (illumination of the face) – connection that you give to them. it is clear a child that grows without the orot hapanim – is like a plant without sunlight.

Is Connection more important than food?

He told a story of children survivors after Holocaust. In the freedom camps there were many starving children standing on a long line. One American soldier was giving out chocolate to children. Kids waited patiently in line for their portion of chocolate.
Another soldier saw a kid passing, called him over to him and gave them a hug. The entire line of children went off the chocolate line and went on the hugging line.

How to connect

The rabbi mentioned that it is not the activity that causes connection. There are some activities that are more apt to cause connections – but it is not the activity – it is the interaction. Thus any activity can be used to create a connection.

He mentioned that a woman used to put the coat on her child just like she would put it on a coat rack. Then she started using the opportunity to connect with her child.

Suffering Loneliness

A person can be surrounded by people but still feel lonely or empty. The lack of connection causes loneliness or emptiness.

Certain problems can be caused by this lack of connection. He mentioned fear, lack of self esteem, lack of self-value, lack of sense of security, lack of calmness, and other concerns.

Connection Benefits

A child that is connected will want to be an eved hashem / Servant of G-d. How do we develop a ratzon / will to be an eved hashem? Rabbi Chaim Friedlander explains how to achieve it – Only if we can make a kesher hanafshi / Soul Connection. The kesher hanafshi with rebbi – will make a person want to learn. The parent who has a connection – the child will naturally want to make parent happy.

Corona & the Plague of the Frogs

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I was eavesdropping again. Well – not really eavesdropping. It’s easy to become distracted when you are learning alone and another person is talking on the other side of the room.

The way of Torah is not the way of a library. A library – everyone must be quiet. Let the other person concentrate on what he is reading. Shh.

That’s good for reading – but not necessarily learning. In Torah – we talk aloud, discuss, argue, participate, opine, disagree, question, ask and understand. Torah wants questions – because G-d wants you to find truth. We find truth by asking and questioning – not by accepting info spoon fed to us.

Last week’s parasha / weekly Torah reading – VaErah – spoke of the Seven first plagues. The second plague was the frogs. It all started with one big frog. It came out from the Nile river. The Egyptians hit the frog with sticks. Every time someone would hit it more frogs would be produced. More frogs came from the river and the frogs multiplied until until they invaded all Egypt.

Someone mentioned a connection between the plague of frogs and Corona.

The Parallel Between Corona & the Plague of the Frogs

The world tries to wipe out Corona. They hit it with one vaccine. Then another vaccine. Then a booster. But it still comes back. First Covid-19. Then the Delta Variant. Then the Omicron variant. It mutates into something else.

What lesson to take?

The Talmud gives several signs of the time of Mashiach / Messiah. The government will become heretics. Wine will be expensive. Chutzpa (Insolence) will increase. The face of the generation will be like the face of a dog.

As the Talmud [Sotah Chapter 9 / Mishna 15] says:

“With the advent of the footsteps of Mashiach, insolence will increase and prices will soar; the vine will yield its fruit, yet wine will be dear; the government will turn to heresy and no one will rebuke them;… and the face of the generation will be like the face of the dog…

So upon whom can we rely? — Upon our Father Who is in heaven.” [Sotah 9:15]

One explanation of the face of the generation will be like the face of the dog is – when a dog is struck by a stick – he gets angry at the stick. He will bite it. (Don’t try this at home.)

The same applies to our generation – we are being hit by Hash-m’s / G-d’s stick – COVID. What do we do? We fight the stick – with vaccines, vitamins, azythromicin (Z-pack),  Green Chiretta. Fine. But have we lost sight of Who sent this virus in the first place to awaken us?

Hash-m.

Why? Because He wants His children to return the love He showers upon us daily -through us doing teshuva / repentance and following His precepts – the Torah.

Covid Omicron – A Blessing of G-d to Humanity

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In the desert, the Israelites complained. (Bamidbar / Numbers 21:5) G-d sent snakes to bite the complainers. Moses, having mercy for his people, prayed to Hash-m to heal them. G-d told Moshe to construct a large copper snake and to place it on a pole. (thus the logo for the medical profession.) One who was bitten – would look upon the snake and be healed.

A Blessing in Disguise

Those bit by the snakes suffered. Yet if they looked at the snake they would be healed. A positive outcome was that a person who was bit and had a previous ailment would be healed of both the snake bite and the previous ailment by looking at the snake.

Covid Omicron is a very mild form of Corona virus. A person who was infected – perhaps would be quarantined for several days – but afterwards – he or she would get the anti-bodies against the more severe forms of Covid.

Since Omicron spreads rapidly it is inoculating large parts of the population.

A blessing in Disguise.

An Exchange between a Single & Jewish Spiritual Leader on Dating

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An Exchange between a Single & Jewish Spiritual Leader

Single: Hi. I am single looking for… for marriage. I have searched but not yet found a mate suitable to what I am looking for.

Rav: I understand your point. I think it is good for you to have a rabbi you trust to guide your decisions in dating. we have a rabbi we consult for our daughters dating decisions. we sometimes have certain requirements for boys and he gives us daat torah / the point of view of what the Torah thinks.

My friend was reluctant to meet a someone from your area because they want someone more local. but it’s my opinion that a person might try to move a bit out of their comfort zone if it is a good opportunity. and especially since time is ticking. I am not stuck on them for you – but they are a very nice person. it seems like both of you are looking for someone very sweet. they are very sweet. I think the other factors are secondary.

My wife didn’t want to marry an American boy and I am about 11 years older. but bh / thank G-d we made it work.

Wishing you lots of hatzalcha / success to find the right person for you. you can check out a video by Jack Cohen on torahanytime.com – called “Fast track to marriage”. It was recorded at our synagogue. my site jerusalemlife.com has also advice for singles.

Single: I thank you for your concern and for the proposal – but the person is out of my search range.

Rav: I hope all is well . my point is not to push you for any particular person. my point is that now a days it is more challenging to find a mate.** so all reasonable kosher avenues and resources should be used like shadchanim / matchmakers, frum (orthodox Jewish) dating coaches, research on the person through references, prayer, segulas and rabbis for daat torah. sometimes their experiences and knowledge can open up opportunities to you that you might not have considered. and guide you in the right way. a good shadchan is not there just to suggest a potential mate, but to have your interest as a priority to help make a promising shidduch work or deter you from someone not of your caliber.

Rav: f you found the perfect match but they were 41 or 42, would you reject them for a date? the rabbi you choose can help you answer questions of the such.

Rav: I thought of a segulah – rabbi yonathan ben uziel was a Tanna- tremendous sage from times of mishna. he was a talmid of the great sage Hillel. the Roman’s buried him in a deep valley called Amuka in Israel. he promised anyone who would visit his kever – grave he would pray for them that they would meet their soul mate within a year. many years ago when single I did so and met my wife within a year.

now that borders are closed – this is challenging. but it might be worthwhile to light a candle in his memory and pray to Hashem – OH Hashem in the merit of rabbi yonathan ben uziel help me to find my soul mate. it is important to do this for 40 days consecutively. try it. let me know if it works.

—
**(I heard Hashem is doing this so people will appreciate the mate once married- that they will not divorce so easily when they recognize the effort they made to finally find a mate).

Single: Hash-m / G-d is in control. I just have to expand my area of search. I don’t have to reduce my standards.

Rav: You are right – Hashem is in control. we have to just make our effort. but we also follow the will of Hashem by asking the rabbis.
my main point remains- get a rabbi you trust to get advice from a Torah perspective, get a good shadchan, if you have to get a good frum dating coach. it’s very important to follow daat torah – not just your preferences. your rabbi will be able to guide you on what are reasonable and proper requirements and what are not.

also I recommend to many singles to reinforce themselves in Torah & mitzvot to get a higher caliber mate.

someone said a person should list ten things they want from a mate and prioritize them. If you find the top 5 then they are potentially a good dating prospect.

call the rabbis in the synagogues in your area to see if you find someone that meets your requirements.