Category Archives: Judaism

Believe It and Receive It

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Believe it will be good and it will be good. If you believe something will be good – Hash-m / G-d will make it good.

Once Hillel Heard yelling from a house in the street. He said to a fellow “I know this is screaming not from my house.” He knew because he taught his household not to scream. But another proposed answer is that Hillel knew everything would be good – so he knew the yelling was not coming from his home.

Hash-m watches people as would a parent. Once I saw a Jewish person filling his tires with air at a Gas Station. I gave Him a card that says “Ein O’d Mile’vado” / There is Only Hash-m. He was astounded. He told me “Thank You. That is my motto in life. Don’t Just give out the card – Live it!”

The way that one wants to go – Hash-m brings him. Live your life a certain way – they will help you in heaven to go in that path. A thief that prays to be successful in his theft will be helped. Though, obviously he will be punished for the theft.

Thus – a person might be led in a path – because he wants to be lead that way. Thus a proper prayer is to ask Hash-m to guide him in the path of Truth. And search for Truth.

Shalom Bayit / Peace at Home ABCs – 14 Ideas to Help Save Your Marriage

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Little things make a big difference in life – especially to a wife. A Nice word. A little smile. A small gift. A note of thanks. A meaningful moment together.

The Purpose of Marriage

The purpose of marriage is to be able to make a relationship between man & woman who will live a meaningful, loving, satisfying life spiritually and materially. This union – through the guidance of the Torah – helps a couple achieve their purpose in life. When this foundation is understood – it is more likely to thrive and survive.

Kindness

One of the foundations of the Torah is doing Kindness. The world stands upon Kindness. Kindness starts at home. According to Torah, A man is to give a gift to his wife before each Jewish holiday and when he finds something to her liking. It is recommended for him to buy flowers for Shabbat. He must talk with her with respect. He must satisfy her, material, emotional, physical and spiritual needs. She is a partner in the marriage. Their couple is one of personal and spiritual growth.

Your own needy & the needy of your city – your needy take precedence. Some are kindly with strangers. Yet, at home they are a tyrant. That is not the Torah way. The Torah way is to give more attention and kindness to those closer to you.

All kind things are recommended by Torah to have at home. Shalom Bayit / peace at home allows a person to live a productive and meaningful life. If peace is at home, children live a more serene, secure, stable and balanced existence – which allows them to have a more balanced personality. If bickering is at home – children are affected negatively. There is no magic cure for Shalom Bayit. Yet there are recommendations.

Learn to Do little Nice things

Help around the house. Take care of fixing something. Say thank you. Say I appreciate all that you do. Appreciation is one of the foundations of Judaism. We are called Yehudim – which comes from the name Yehuda – which comes from the Hebrew word for “giving thanks.” Appreciation can be expressed with word, gifts or action. If you don’t know what to say – leave a note. We – Ohr Binyamin – give out free Judaica cards. Once someone asked me – Do You have a card on Shalom bayit / Peace at Home. I said Yes – “It is called the You are Special Card – read one of the things to show how special you are to your wife every day.”*

Pray to Hash-m for Shalom Bayit

Pray to Hash-m / G-d for Shalom Bayit. He will give you opportunities to have peace. At times divorce may be in order – but discussions with a competent Orthodox rabbi must precede it. Grounds for divorce in Judaism – if a partner is unfaithful or other things. But as mentioned before, a competent Orthodox rabbi should be involved.

Learn About Shalom Bayit

To have Peace at Home one should have a goal to have Peace at Home. Read Jewish books, attend Jewish Classes, see Jewish seminars on the subject of Shalom Bayit. You can do it together or alone. One book I read even before I got married was – the River, the Kettle & The Bird – which is based upon a Gemara / Talmud Tractate in Berakhot. It says that one who dreams of those things will have peace at home. The book explains the entire concept of the 3 different forms of relationships that one can have in marriage. In short 1) a give and take / business-deal relationship, 2) a company employee relationship – you take care of kids – I’ll make the money 3) A single unit relationship – like a bird that soars to the sky and lands on earth – as one unit they soar to spiritual heights.

Learn Torah or Pirkei Avot Together

It is good to have a small learning session together – regularly. It could be 5 minutes daily or bi-weekly. Communication is key to speak together at least 1/2 hour a day.

Send Your Children to an Orthodox Torah Day School

When children are in line – it helps parents to get along. If one parent thinks children should do A – while the other thinks B is more appropriate – it is an tension builder. Torah schools Teach Kivud Av Vaem – Honoring parents, Derech Eretz – proper conduct, Respect of Others, Respect of Elders, Respect of Rabbis. If they are acting properly – it reduces stress & strain.

Be into Self-Improvement

The Torah way is to be better every day. Today I am good. Tomorrow I am better. This is only done through Torah Self improvement works – called Mussar.

Make Torah Your Guide in Life

Orthodox Jews usually have stable marriages. One major reason is they base their life, actions and thoughts on Torah. Torah is a detailed guide of how to live a meaningful, peaceful, productive, purposeful life. Basing one’s life on Torah – will help set foundations for a peaceful home. Shabbat – allows us to enjoy time with the family. The Torah recommends to and commends people to marry. It is a Mitzvah / commandment. The commandment to marry – pushes people to marry and not tarry. The Torah sets peaceful foundations at home.

Don’t Procrastinate

My uncle – a Shachan / Matchmaker – asked an older man why he never got married. He replied “I forgot to.” Statistics show, many Jews outside the Orthodox community are either marrying later or choosing a life of being single. Apparently, one reason is that they view not the importance of marriage as the Torah proposes.

Other reasons may be – they don’t find the right one, they have other priorities, they prefer being single, they don’t want responsibilities involved, they are involved in other things  – like a career, education. When one learns the proper hashkafot / Jewish outlook of marriage – one becomes more interested in tying the knot. Pushing marriage off – without making a serious concerted effort – at least as one would do to find a job – might make it harder later. As a youth – one is more idealistic and set in their ways. There are more opportunities – thus many Orthodox Jews get married younger – to found a family according to the guidance of Torah.

A Compatible Mate

One most important thing in having peace at home is choosing a mate with similar goals, values, mentalities, and aspirations. A statistic that supports  Interracial marriages have a divorce rate of 41% after 10 years while – same race marriage had a divorce rate of 31%.

Choosing the Right Mate – Finding Similarities

We try to choose people as mates that come from a good family and have good character traits. G-d matches people with similar values. If you want a better mate improve yourself. I give that as advice to people. “If you are hanging out at bars, you will likely marry someone who does the same. If you attend Torah Lectures / Shiurim, you will likely marry someone who does the same. If you study Torah and pray daily, , you will likely marry someone who does the same. Thus if you improve your level of Torah observance – you will likely get a mate that also does the same.”

Do Your Due Diligence

Thus many Orthodox Jews do extensive research on a mate prospect before agreeing to a date. They involve Shadchanim / Matchmakers, Rabbis, Friends of the spouse prospect, roommates & more. They do their homework. They ask about if they have good Middot / charachter traits, are they psychologically stable, are they diligent in studying torah, are they responsible, can they support a family, where is their mindset. If they do their homework – there are less surprises once married. It makes sense – you do your research for buying a car – which may last 10 years – then marriage that is a relationship that is supposed to last a lifetime – homework is in order.

Deal Breaker – Judaism & Good Character Traits

A Jew searching for a marriage mate should have several deal breakers. One of them – their potential spouse should be Jewish – for the reasons mentioned in the article. The second is that the spouse should have good personal character traits / middoth. Good middot make the difference between a peaceful marriage and a stressful one. A person who is learning Torah has an advantage in the sense that they usually adhere to the precepts of the Torah in the Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers. But it is not a guarantee.

Avoiding Intermarriage

Jews who marry Jews have a more peaceful marriages than – mixed marriages. According to Torah it is forbidden for a Jew to intermarry – for it causes the children to leave the Torah faith & follow after foreign worship. Statistics show, Most married Jewish parents say they are raising their children as Jewish by religion. Yet, Statistics also show, Intermarried parents much less likely to be raising their children Jewish.

A Jewish woman in a mixed marriage documentary said: “Our marriage was going smoothly until the birth of our baby boy. I was thrilled and wanted to arrange for a Bris (circumcision). But my husband thought I was crazy and said, ‘I won’t allow that …” Egon Mayer, a professor at Brooklyn College who studies interfaith issues and published a study linking intermarriage with higher divorce rates, Children of intermarried couples frequently suffer an identity crisis. “Where do they go? Who do they Identify with? Which holiday should they observe?” Are questions they ask.

If people are already intermarried – the couple should consult a competent Orthodox Rabbi – see OU.org synagogue finder – to see what is involved in converting the gentile / non-Jewish spouse to Torah Judaism. Usually the spouse must agree to a Torah Study program, to Follow laws of Shabbat / the Sabbath, Kashrut / Keeping Kosher and Family Purity Laws. Practical advice for any person who wishes to convert to Judaism – is to seek an Orthodox Rabbi – that know the laws and can guide you to a Beit Din / Jewish Court of Law who will perform a conversion that is accepted by all Orthodox Rabbis. If you are going to do it – do it right.

Conversion to Judaism

I knew a Ger / convert to Judaism who was converted through one Beit Din that was not so reliable and decided to do another conversion – through a more reliable one. His Name was Charlie.

Gentiles who Marry Gentiles

For gentiles, the way they live also affects their mate. If they learn their 7 Noahide Laws from the Torah – they will more likely marry a mate that will do the same.

Judaism & Self Improvement

If each member of the couple has a goal of self improvement – it makes for a better marriage. I want to make the other person happy. I want to make Hash-m happy. Thus I try to be on my best behavior. My goal is to make a peaceful home – not to show that I am right. The best Self-improvement works you will every find are based upon Torah sources. What the world calls self-improvement – we call Mussar.

Do Kindness at home and you will find kindness.

One of the Pillars the world stands upon is kindness.

The Raison d’Etre of the Universe is mentioned in Pirkei Avot 1:2:

2. Shimo’n the righteous was from the remainder of the men of the Great Assembly. He used to say: Upon three things the world stands [ie, its reason for its continued existence]– On the Torah, on the [Divine] Service [ie, prayer or korbanot / offerings on the altar] & on acts of loving kindness.

Make it your goal to do kindness in your world and kindness will come back.

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*We have many cards that can help Shalom Bayit – Like Derech Eretz / Proper Conduct Card,  The Gratitude / the Basket of Compliments card, Prayer for Protection of Children & How to Show Your Love & Appreciation, and the Tehillim / Psalms for Shalom Bayit)

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Caveat – we sometimes link to Sefaria.org. Although it is a valuable resource for providing Jewish sources – the site also has works that are contrary to authentic Torah values. Some translations of authentic Torah sources might be suspect as well. The sources we link to are authentic. To not be misguided by false Torah values masquerading as Torah – be wary – on the site itself – to use the sources there that are authentic Torah values.  Here is a list of some of them. 

If you are unsure it is authentic Torah – ask a competent Orthodox Rabbi. Authentic Torah sages & commentators include Rashi, Ibn Ezra, Ramban, Sforno, Abarbanel, Aderet Eliyahu (Rabbi Yosef Chaim), Alshich , Avi Ezer, Bartenura on Torah, Bekhor Shor, Birkat Asher on Torah, Chatam Sofer, Chizkuni, Chomat Anakh, Daat Zkenim,
Gur Aryeh, HaKtav VeHaKabalah, Haamek Davar, Kitzur Baal Haturim, Kli Yakar,
Malbim, Minchat Shai, Minei Targuma, Mizrachi, Ohev Ger, Or HaChaim, Paaneach Raza, Penei David, Rabbeinu Bahya, Ralbag Beur HaMilot, Ralbag on Torah, Rashbam,
Recanati on the Torah, Riva, Rosh, Shadal, Siftei Chakhamim, Torah Temimah on Torah, Tur HaAroch, Tzafnat Pa’neach, Tzror HaMor)

 

 

 

The Value of Pain – The Spiritual View of a Jew on Alleviating Pain

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Each Yeshiva / Torah Learning institution has a goal. In Hebrew it is called a Shita שִׁיטָה / frame of mind or mindset. Telz Yeshiva – in the outskirts of Cleveland – brought it’s shita to the United States from Europe. They emphasize the importance of proper conduct of a Ben Torah / a Torah learner.

Majesty of Man – Proper Etiquette

Walking down the street with a Telz Yeshiva Alumni – I was impressed to hear of the high standards of personal etiquette recommended of Yeshiva Bachurim / young students. “In Telz people would bring laundry to the laundry room in a briefcase rather than a laundry bag – because it is unbecoming of a young budding Torah scholar to carry a big bag of dirty clothes.” I was impressed. “A person would not drink directly from a bottle. Using a cup is more befitting.”

Bottle Woe – The Nerve Dilemma

He told me – he knew of someone – that did drink from a bottle. The Popular Pop of that time was Royal Crown Cola. The student was drinking from a bottle. Another student bumped into him unintentionally. His front teeth were broken.

He went to a dentist that mentioned he had the option to keep or remove nerves from his teeth.

Encounter with a Gadol – Great Sage

He went to speak with the Rosh HaYeshiva – Rabbi Mordechai Gifter. The Rosh HaYeshiva mentioned to him that if he had the option of keeping his teeth’s nerves – he should do so. Someone he knew in Europe had his nerves removed from his teeth. Several weeks later half of his face welled up due to an infection. He couldn’t feel the pain. The pain that he would normally have felt was not able to warn him of the spreading infection. If he caught it earlier – he would not have to have a much more serious operation now.

The Value of Pain – the Message

Pain is usually viewed as bad. No pain is good.

Pain is not necessarily bad.

Pain can be a message.  It teaches us – there is something that needs correction. The proper question – we should ask then when experience pain is “Why I am experiencing this pain?”, “What is the Cause?” – not just how can I alleviate the suffering. Alleviating the pain may deal with the symptom but not the cause of the pain.

Suffering may be from physical pain, emotional pain, psychological pain or spiritual pain.

The Purpose of Pain

The reason of the pain? To prompt one to improve. The tooth story is a good example.

Are You treating the Cause or the Symptom?

One who treats a problem to alleviate the pain – may be treating the symptom – not the cause. Let’s say the person had nerves to feel the pain. Instead of taking antibiotics to treat the infection he took pain killers. He alleviated the symptom but not the cause.

The Spiritual Connection of Pain

G-d sends us pain. We try to alleviate the pain. But really we should ask “What does Hash-m want from me?” “Am I the cause of my own pain?” “How can I improve myself to not ever get this pain?”

Spirituality & Alleviating Physical Pain

Firstly – if the pain is a sign of a physical ailment – the Torah says to seek proper medical treatment from a competent, reputable Doctor. It says you shall very well guard your soul. One is not allowed to live in a Town where there is no Doctor.

There are 248 members of the body. A Jew has 613 Mitzvot / commandments from the Torah. 365 prohibitions that we avoid 365 days a year and 248 active commandments that we do with the 248 members of our body.

Each part of the body is connected to a particular Mitzvah. If one lacks in a particular Mitzvah it has an effect on that member of the body that it corresponds to.

So the second step – is to also see what spiritually one can do to rectify the spiritual aspect of one’s life to cure the physical member of the body.

Spirituality & Alleviating Emotional Pain

Hash-m made a physical nature in the world. An Apple falls. Heat rises. Plants grow. He also created a spiritual nature that corresponds to the physical world. One general spiritual rule of nature is called Midah Keneged middah. Measure for measure. One that does good gets good. One that does the opposite gets the opposite.

If someone yelled at you – check if previously you perhaps raised your voice at someone else. Do Teshuva / Repentance according to Torah and apologize when in order.

Spirituality & Alleviating Psychological Pain

When one feels down – it might be due to your soul’s feeling down. Really the mental condition of a person depends upon their spiritual soul’s state. The person is composed of a body and soul. G-d through the Soul gives the body life. If the soul is happy the person is happy. If the soul is sad – the person is sad. Doing good deeds makes a person happy. Doing bad deeds make a person sad.

The major problem of people seeking the elusive happiness and not finding it  is because they think that pursuing bodily pleasures and comforts will make them happy. At times the pursuit of pleasures makes a person even more depressed. It is not pleasure that will make one happy – the satisfaction of the soul that will.

The question one must address is “What are the pleasures that make the soul happy? And which are those that dampen it?” I found from experience – that pursuing bodily pleasure only for pleasure – may give temporary pleasure – but in its wake is sadness. If it is sanctioned by Torah – it brings happiness in it’s wake.

The Definition of Spirituality

Spirituality brings happiness. To understand a concept we must properly define it. Spirituality is having a positive, loving relationship with Hash-m / G-d. To enjoy such a relationship – we follow G-d’s Law – the Torah as a guide to develop that relationship. The Jews follow 613 commandments. The Gentiles follow 7 Noahide laws.

The Three Dimensions of Relationships

A person who relinquishes their relationship with Hash-m/ G-d relinquishes one satisfying relationship of life. A person has a relationship with himself or herself (Ben Adam Le’atzmo). They Have a relationship with people and nature (Ben Adam Le’havero). They have a relationship with G-d (Ben Adam La’Matkom). A non-believer or an atheist or one who disconnects themselves from their Judaism – disconnects from a satisfying relationship that they could possibly have.

The Call of Your Father in Heaven

Pain may be a call for a person to search out a satisfying relationship with G-d – through Torah. G-d is our father. He wants a relationship with His children. Hash-m communicates with us daily. He sends us messages, gifts, kindness, blessings, abundance. Do we communicate with Him? One just has to observe their daily life and see all the blessings.

Measure for Measure from G-d

When people ignore all Hash-m’s kindness – G-d may act with them the way they act with Him – ignoring them – leaving them in the hands of nature. A woman once served her family straw for dinner. The were in wonder – what happened with her. She told them – “You never appreciated – when I served you the best of meals. So I thought for you everything is the same whether it is delicious or not. So I served  you straw – it’s much easier to prepare & you don’t appreciate the good food when I make it for you anyway. A parable to teach us to be appreciative of our blessings.

Sweet Melancholy vs. Happiness

Memories of my youth – I remember my old friends and old experiences. I remember with sweet melancholy. Some memories I remember with Joy. I try to distinguish between that feeling of melancholy and the feeling of Joy. My happiness was many a time sweet melancholy. How do I know? Because Joy is an elation – melancholy is a form of sadness.

From experience I have found that doing good, providing kindness, helping others, learning Torah are sources of happiness. Also from Experience , I found pursuing pleasures not sanctioned by Torah is a source of sadness.

The closeness to Hash-m / G-d is a good barometer that is correlated with a person’s happiness. Doing good brings you closer to Hash-m – you become closer to the source of life & happiness. Thus one is happy when they are close to Hash-m. Or more accurately – the closer one is to Hash-m – the greater is their potential and actual happiness. The farther one is from Hash-m – has the opposite effect.

Pain Prompts People to Pursue Truth

In my youth I was like any youth – I sought attention, I did my share of trouble. I pursued fun, ate non-kosher. I played sports. My world was a world of the average boy. But certain difficulties – like skin problems – prompted me to question life. My question “Why Me?” I was a decent person. Ok, I did my share of trouble – but I wasn’t so much worse than others – “or was I?”

How could I get back to being the Handsome young man – people told me I was? What could I do? I thought I could go to a skin doctor – but I thought that the pain was a message from G-d to tell me to improve. It is very hard to break a habit. It is hard to change your lifestyle. It is hard to change your attitude – but a little pain to wake you up will motivate you to pursue avenues that you otherwise you would not have considered.

My pain motivated me to improve my relationship with myself (Ben Adam Le’atzmo) by improving my outlook on life to correspond more to the Torah Hashkafa / outlook. I learned the importance of proper conduct of a Ben Torah. I improved my relationship with people (Ben Adam Le’havero) – by being more considerate of others feelings. I strengthened my relationship with G-d (Ben Adam La’Matkom) by praying to Hash-m, talking to Him, observing Mitzvot. Through Study of Torah Study, Reading Torah Stories, Learning Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers and making more of an effort to observe Mitzvot / Torah commandments – I made my self-improvement effort to become a better person.

Use Pain to Gain

Some take pain and fall into depression. Some take pain and use it as a spring board to pursue truth and follow it regardless of the changes to one’s lifestyle it entails.

Looking back and looking at the positive points I gained from following the path of pursuing truth & Torah – I am grateful to Hash-m for the hard – but beneficial message he sent me. Now I try to conduct myself in a way to not need those messages anymore.

The Torah View of Defunding the Police

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Apparently when the world will mature – all people will recognize the divine & sublime intelligence of the Torah. The Torah – written by Hash-m / G-d contains all the answers in the world.

Basic Logic Against Defunding Police

Recently, talk about “Defunding the Police” has been expressed by various groups. Before I bring the Torah’s opinion – first let me bring my limited logical opinion. Here is a simple equation – the less police – the more crime. The More police less crime.

The areas in the US that tried defunding the police – ended up with billions of dollars in damage – due to the resultant looting in the street.  During the Covid Quarantine I heard of places where police hands were tied by the government – gangs on Bicycles & Motorcycles breaking, burning cars, breaking into stores, beating up people. The people in low income areas – lost the most. This is anarchy. The police serve to keep the peace.

Police Psychologists

A Psychologist came to our synagogue during the time of Covid Restrictions. He told me that he was seeing many medical professions for the trauma of seeing people ill and worse. He told me that he was also treating people of the police force who were harassed and traumatized by the media & others. The police should not feel threatened to do their job. Actually they are doing a great service to society. And we should be thankful. I personally try to thank the police officers for doing their job.

Obviously police should abide by the rules. They are accountable to act justly also. A proper guide for police to study would be the 7 Noahide laws – to know what is permitted and forbidden according to Torah law. But acting within the limits of the Torah Law – they should be commended. In Mishneh Torah of the Rambam (Maimonides) / Laws of “Kings and Wars” at end of Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 & 10 – it discusses the Torah Laws for Non-Jews / Gentiles to follow.

Police Enforcing 7 Noahide laws from the Torah

The Police also enforce the 7 Noahide laws of Do Not Kill, Do Not Steal – necessary for a proper functioning society.

Torah’s View

There was a story of a Rabbi who gentiles (I believe the Romans) appointed as head of their police force. He was very adept at catching criminals. He was so righteous – that his body did not decay. Enforcing the law is a Mitzvah.

Rabbi Hanania in the Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers (3:2) summarizes it well and through experience we have seen the following true regarding Civilization without Government

2. Rabbi H’anania deputy of the Kohanim / Priests says: Pray for the peace of the government – for if there were not its fear, a man would swallow his fellow alive.

Put Burden of Fear on Criminals – Not on Society

Today’s society – we have people afraid of walking the streets. Billions of dollars are spent for the stress people have due to crime. People traumatized and stressed out by the news. (One of many reasons to avoid being glued to news). The Torah has laws in order to put the burden of fear on the criminals – not to commit crime. Torah laws deter criminals – not reward them. They rehabilitate them not harden them. The burden of fear should not be on the average person – to walk down the street.

A person should feel serene to walk down the street. A wanted criminal should not.

 

Avoiding “No’s”? – it’s a Reason to Go

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I was talking to my friend after Shahrit / Morning Services. He asked me about a dentist who davens / prays with us – to know if he takes his insurance. I said “Call him up. It doesn’t hurt to ask.”

He said “Yea. It’s like my brother says:

“You already have a ‘No’, maximum you’ll get a ‘Yes’.”

or

“You already have a ‘No’ you can only gain by getting a ‘Yes’.”

You Can Only Gain

Many are reluctant to make that sales call, ask a person a question, ask them for a favor, or ask someone to marry them. Why? They avoid rejection. The above statement makes it easier to overcome that sensibility. By not making the sales call, or asking the question, or asking for the favor – you already have a “No”. Calling the person – you can only gain. If they say “Yes” great. If they say no – you certainly didn’t lose by trying.

No – You are Not lowered in the eyes of others because of a No

Receiving a “No” is not a reflection on you – it’s a reflection of the need of the moment. If you asked them to buy from your ice cream cart – and they just had a Triple Fudge Hot Sunday – it doesn’t reflect on you. You asked the right question. For him it wasn’t the right time. Maybe someone else it will be the right time. Perhaps tomorrow he will buy.

Secrets of a Good Fundraiser

But more than that. I took a fund raising course with Rabbi Yitz Greenman – it was around the time of Hurricane Sandy. Actually it was the Sunday that it hit. Fortunately I got home before. In any case – he mentioned many foundations of fundraising.  One foundation he mentioned was :

“No” does not mean “No”

“No” means “no” for that particular moment. It is possible half an hour later the person will answer “yes”. Perhaps they are busy, perhaps they are eating, perhaps they are in a meeting. He told a story.

Learning from Children

A child asked a parent for ice cream before bedtime. The parent said “No”. Five minutes later they asked again. They say “No”. Three minutes later they ask again. They say “No. I told you before – why do you keep asking?” They respond “That ‘No’ was five minutes ago – now it might be ‘Yes’. The parent succumbs to the child’s cuteness and gives him the ice cream.

Children understand the concept. We can learn from everyone.

The Whale that Swallowed the Man – Jonah’s Secret that Saved Him

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Recently, a Lobster diver, was diving in waters on the Provincetown, MA coast. About 45 feet down, his vision was darkened. He thought he was bitten by a shark. It was really a whale that swallowed him whole. He thought it was the end. He cried out “Oh G-d please help me”. The Whale spat him out. Some sailors in the vicinity helped him into their ship.

Jonah’s Reason for Running Away from G-d

Jonah / Yona was a Jewish Prophet. He received a Message from Hash-m to Tell the city of Ninveh to do Teshuva – Repent. He was reluctant to do so. He reasoned that if Ninveh would repent – the Jews would look badly if they did not repent. He ran away. He went to the sea and a raging storm attacked the ship.

The mariners prayed to their god – with no respite. The storm continued. Yona was sleeping. The captain woke him up and said get up and pray. The captain had faith in Hash-m. Yona knew that Hash-m*was sending the storm for he was trying to escape doing his mission. He told the captain. They lowered him into the waters. The waters calmed. Hash-m sent a big fish to swallow Yona. It was quite comfortable inside – he didn’t mind it so much. Then G-d had that whale spit him out and a whale with less comfortable “quarters” swallowed him.

He prayed to Hash-m to save him from the whale’s insides. He was spit up onto the shore of Ninveh – to accomplish his mission.

Eventually the people of Ninveh heard the message of G-d and repented and prayed sincerely to Hash-m. Hash-m forgave them and allowed the city to survive.

G-d then communicated with him – and Told him that he cares about all his creatures.

Two things to learn from Yona

  1. Hash-m Cares about you. G-d Loves his creatures and we are among them.
  2. In the most trying situations – even when one thinks the end is near – there is always hope. Pray to Hash-m & Repent & He will help. Repentance in Judaism is basically  making an effort to see The Sun Rise Again and Starting Over – Wiping the Slate Clean.Once a gentile woman went for a visit at my friend’s optometrist office. She told him that she abandoned the worship of her younger years and started praying to Hash-m. He asked her why? She responded – when she prayed before her prayers were not answered – now she started praying to Hash-m her prayers were more frequently answered.

    Prayers of Gentiles to Hash-m are Answered

Shlomo Hamelech / King Solomon prayed to Hash-m that specifically the prayers of the gentiles be answered when they prayed by the Holy temple.

He wanted every person in the world to worship Hash-m. Why did he ask that specifically the gentile’s prayers to Hash-m be answered?

He reasoned that gentiles are more sensitive to not having their prayers answered. If a Jew prays and he is not answered – he can attribute it to his transgressions or other reasons. So the Jew will be less sensitive if G-d does not answer positively.

An opportunity for all people – pray to Hash-m and get your wish fulfilled.

 

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*(the name of G-d – in many versions of Jonah and other Tanach texts “Hash-m” is mistranslated from the Hebrew text to English as “the L-rd” / it really means Hash-m – ie, it says in Jonah / Yona 2:1 “The Lord appointed a great fish …”  is properly translated as “Hash-m appointed a great fish …”)

Nothing But Torah Will Do

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This week’s parasha is Hukat / Decree. Various types of Mitzvot / Commandments from the Torah exist Edut, Mishpatim & Hukim.

Edut are testimonies that testify about an event. Jews observe the Shabbat / Sabbath. Shabbat testifies that Hash-m / G-d created the world in 6 days and rested on the seventh.

Mishpatim are laws that are self-evident, logical and for the upholding of society. For instance – Do not steal, do not kill, do not commit adultery.

Hukim are laws that are not comprehensible. We do them only from the fact that Hash-m gave them to us. The Para Aduma / Red Heifer is a Hok.

Solid Foundations of Torah

Our Torah is well founded. It was given by Moses at Mount Sinai. Millions of people heard Hash-m speak. It wasn’t a revelation to a single or group of people by G-d – but to an entire nation of people. The Jews heard it and said “We will Do & We will Hear.”

The UN-understandable law

Parashat Hukat Talks of the Red Heifer – A completely Red cow whose ashed are mixed with water that purify the highest form of impurity.

This is one of the laws that is a Hok. We don’t understand it. Why should we do it? Once we established a relationship with Hash-m – who did great miracles for us, gave us the Torah foundations that made sense – then we can trust Him on the laws that we do not understand.

The Mistake of those Who Say G-d changes the Torah

This is much different than other religions that refuse to explain the authenticity of the foundations of the Religion. We know the foundations of Torah make sense – now that the foundations are solidly established we can follow the Hukim / Decrees we do not understand.

G-d is infinitely wise. For G-d to “change his mind” is not logical. Some religions reform, reconstruct, or conserve things laws of the Torah. If one doesn’t understand something – how can you rebuild it. Especially if it was built by G-d. Only Torah Judaism says G-d did not change the Torah. Understanding this concept prompts us to choose the right path in life.

All Mitzvot Have Reasons we understand & know and reasons we don’t know or understand

G-d gives some reasons in Torah for particular mitzvot. But In actuality – there are thousands of reasons for each Mitzvah. There are some that we may not even understand.

Some may disregard Torah because they either say – “I don’t understand it” or they say “I understand it – but that reason does not apply to me.”

King Solomon’s Mistake

King Solomon – the wisest man in history – said he understood that the reason for a Jewish King to not have many wives – was that they were liable to remove the king from the service of G-d. He said – that does not apply to him. In the end he fell to being detoured from proper service of G-d by his wives.

The Wise Doctor

If an honest, reputable Dr. that studied 50 years about the cure to a particular ailment and came up with cure – for some person who read one newspaper article on the subject – it would be foolish for the man to say he is more knowledgeable.

Hash-m Knows all. Even King Solomon’s reflection was not wise because he took into account one reason for not marrying many wives as a king – when G-d takes all reasons into account.

All laws have a incomprehensible aspect. But we accept them. But we don’t change them or say G-d changed them. Doing so would be like rejecting a medicine that was proven scientifically, studied for decades, proven to be safe, effective with no side effects – because we read one article on the subject.

This is one explanation of the Verse “Zot Hukat HaTorah” / This is the Decree of “the Torah”. It Should have said “this is Decree of ‘the Red Heifer'”. Saying “the Torah” instead of “the Red Heifer” is alluding to the fact that all laws that we received from Moshe / Moses in the Torah have an aspect so sublime – we are limited in our intelligence to comprehend.

26 Ways to Avoid Quarrel – The Torah Way

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The events of the week follow a similar manner to the Week’s Parasha / Torah Reading. A Rabbi I used to learn with used to compare the Parasha happenings to the current events of the week.

Good sources to learn about the parasha are :

Torah Anytime – torahanytime.com
https://parshasheets.com/ and parasha.com.

there are many more – see some in the links section

The Blessing of Peace

Peace is a blessing. This week’s parasha talks of Korach – who created a quarrel against Moshe / Moses. Quarrel is a terrible thing – it breaks friends, families & people. In this week’s parasha – those who ran from quarrel – like Ohn Ben Pelet – lived. The others perished.

So how do you avoid quarrel?

1. Avoid Quarrel.

2. Judge a person the positive way (If he or she is usually a good, or average person)

3. Don’t jump to conclusions.

4. Don’t assume you are right.

5. Don’t be judgemental.

6. Love Peace & Pursue Peace. (See Pirkei Avot)

7. Learn Pirkei Avot.

8. Don’t enter your nose into other people’s business.

9. Calm down a situation – don’t add fuel to the fire.

10. Don’t believe everything you hear – you remember the game “Telephone” when you were young.

11. Solve disputes among family and friends. There is an expression in french – We wash our dirty laundry among family.

12. Choose someone to talk with that is a peace maker not someone who fuels anger .

13. Take a break from the discussion until you are calm.

14. Don’t involve people who will help to take sides.

15. Choose a neutral mediator.

16. See the benefit that you gain by being on one side or the other.

17. According to Torah, You may tell fibs to create peace between people. That is what Aharon / Aron, Moshe’s Brother did.

18. Talk Softly. (See Igeret Ha Ramban)

19. Don’t instigate others.

20. Look at the common good over your own personal feelings or benefits.

21. Be Quick to Say Sorry.

22. Be Quick to Forgive.

23. Don’t Hold onto grudges.

24. Think that the person that did the bad is an agent of G-d.

25. Avoid heated conversation.

26. Pray to Hash-m for Peace.

27. Think Before you speak – to assure your words do not cause hatred, strife, hurt or sadness.

28. First Love the Person with whom You want to Quarrel

One of the greatest blessings is peace – Shalom.

Removing Bitter Feelings Towards Others by Emulating G-d

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It’s better to become better than to be bitter. At times a person will do something to your distaste. You choose your reaction – judging favorably, hate, anger, indifference in the future, spite, revenge, tolerance or love.

Deal with Your Feelings

The Torah is real. It recognizes our feelings – and knows that feelings evoked must be dealt with in a positive manner.

Choose Your Attitude

Your feelings are based upon your attitude. If you think “this is terrible what happened” you will be upset. If you think “All that Hash-m Does is for the Good” – you will have a better attitude.

The Perpetrator is and Agent of G-d / It would have happened anyway by someone else.

When we realize that a person who did us wrong is a shaliach / an agent of Hash-m / G-d – then we can be more forgiving.

It is true that that person did the act. We think that this is the process.

Adam did an act – donated $1000 – to David. So the average person will be very thankful to Adam that he gave him $1000.

It really is: David needed $1000 for Torah Day school tuition. Hash-m decided David should get $1000 for his child’s tuition. Adam wanted to support a child in a Torah Day school. Hash-m made Adam learn of David’s need and thus Adam donated $1000 to David.

In this way of thinking, David should really thank Hash-m first and then Adam. It is Hash-m who decided that he receive the $1000 – Adam was just a messenger of Hash-m. If Adam said he wants to use his $1000 for the Casino – G-d will find someone else to give David $1000. The $1000 was coming to David regardless of what Adam decided to do with his $1000.

The One who wants to do good will be given opportunities to do good and vice versa

It is called megalgelim zechut al yedey zachai umegalgelim chov al yedey chayav

מגלגלין זכות על ידי זכאי וחובה על ידי חייב

They arrange [in Heaven] a merit on those that are meritorious and They arrange [in Heaven] a debt to those are indebted.

Free Choice vs. Destiny

 A person has free choice, but nevertheless, Heaven directs the reality that will come to an entitled person. A good person, who always wants to do good, will be helped by Heaven to bring into reality a kindness and good deed. Let’s say Yosef wants to give Tzedaka / charity – Heaven will help him to find a worthy person to receive his donation. Because “in the way a man wants to go he is lead.”  And vice versa, if something bad should happen to someone, this messenger will be someone who already has chosen to bad in his life.

General Nero’s Dilemma

Like we find with General Nero. Nero was about to battle Jerusalem. He shot arrows in 4 directions – they all landed towards Jerusalem. He reasoned -Hash-m wants Jerusalem to fall – and He wants me to be his agent – and eventually Nero would be punished. He ran away. In the merit of running away from bad – he had a great descendant – Rabbi Meir Baal HaNess.

Choose Good

Our choice is on which side we will be  – on the side of those entitled who want to do good in the world or on the side of the debtors who do evil in the world.

It can also mean that the person who deserves a good deed – it will be organized by Heaven – that he will receive it by a worthy person.

In any case the benefactor of good or doer of bad was just an agent of G-d. They will also be rewarded or punished – because they were the ones who actually did the job.

Don’t Blame the Messenger – Improve Yourself

Looking that the the thing was done was decreed from heaven helps us to remove our negative feelings towards the person and prompts us to ask why did this deed actually happen. The reason why Hash-m wanted you to recieve this good or difficulty may be for several reasons. You did something good – the good came back to you – or vice versa. G-d wanted to send you an opportunity to grow. Based upon the experience you went through you can choose to become better or bitter. Your choice.

Good comes back to the Good Doer

If a person does good – he will receive good – as a reward for the good he did. At times the good that he did creates a domino effect – of other people doing good – and that good eventually comes back to the good doer.

The opposite is true as well. So as a result of a negative act – at times this will have a domino effect coming back to him. In this case one should not be angry at the perpetrator – one should reflect on the act you did – that caused you to recieve the repercussions of your deed.

The 13 Attributes of G-d

A Sefer / Book written by the Kabbalist, Rabbi Moshe Cordovera – Tomer Devora / The Palm Tree of Devorah – speaks about the 13 Attributes of G-d. Each attribute describes Hash-m’s magnanimity and kindness. G-d forgives all kinds of sins for all different reasons.

Learning the Tomer Devora – and other Jewish Mussar / Self- Improvement works – like Pirkei Avot – and emulating Hash-m will help us to forgive & forget – to be magnanimous and not petty nor bitter.

Enjoy Your Judaism & Life. Now.

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Some say I’ll be happy when…I have a new car ….I have a new boss. …a new job. ….a new friend. …a new house. Fill in the blank.

A person has sufficient good to enjoy now – that the other things he thinks he needs are not necessary. Enjoy your children. Enjoy your family. Enjoy your parents. Enjoy the Shabbat with them.

Some zip through the tefillah / prayer service – to fulfill their obligation. But apparently Hash-m wants us to enjoy the moment. Enjoy & feel the words and tunes of the prayer service. I personally like the Moroccan Jewish prayer service. The nigunim / melodies bring out the feelings that the words convey – whether in the Tefillah, or Taamim / cantillation of the Torah reading, Haftorah reading, the ketuba on Shavuot, the nigunim of Tisha B’e av, etc.

Enjoy the moment.Enjoy the Tefillah – savor the words & melodies.

Some push off mitzvoth / Torah commandments. Like observing Shabbat. Or keeping kosher. At times because they don’t know how or because they are afraid of giving up their lifestyle or what people may think. But you only gain from Hash-m’s words – learning or doing them.

I have a motto – Do it now – perfect it later. Some want everything to be perfect before starting a project or a new endeavor. I think – if it is a good thing – do it now & perfect it later.

Some failed in the past. They are sorry about the past. They live in remorse. Teshuva – is repentance in Judaism. We feall bad and correct the past deeds. But if one falls into depression or too much sadness – this might be a negative thing. G-d wants you to be happy. The Yetzer HaRa – Evil Inclination puts thoughts of being worthless into one’s head to prevent them from accomplishing the good in life. Leave the past and go on with your life.

Some think “I can’t” – try and see.

Learn about topics you want to do in Judaism. Learn about Shabbat and do it.

Be happy now. enjoy the moment.

Don’t rush to pray / daven – so that you can do something else – enjoy the davening. Connect to the One who said “Let there be light” – Hash-m – and bring light into your life.