A common scene. It is morning. You walk into an elevator full of people. You belt out a hearty “Good Morning!” Silence – Except for that corner person that grumbles something under his breath.” You judge him favorably and think at least he grumbled “Good Morning” or so you think.

Reducing Grouchiness

Eat

Some people are grumpy because they are hungry. Eat a good breakfast with whole wheat bread. The satiety will make you more personable in the morning. A Rabbi suggested to husbands (apparently the same holds true to wives) to eat a snack before they arrive home from work. Thus if they arrive home and find dinner is not ready, the house a mess and the children bouncing balls on the walls – they will be able to better handle it.

Mentally Prepare

Some situations rub us wrong. To some it might be the wrong price rung up at the cash register, to others that dinner is not ready, and to others that children wasting time on the iPad. Imagine what would be the most productive and positive way to deal with the situation and prepare mentally to do so in that situation. When the situation arises, you will know how to handle it.

Purification

Why are people grouchy in the morning?

I don’t know. I remember when I was grouchy in the morning and grouchy if someone woke me. I still become grouchy at times, but Now I am more calm.

It could be because I started doing Netilat Yadayim (ritually purifying hands with water) in the Morning. The Torah tells us that when we sleep one of the parts of the soul ascends to be judged. When it leaves evil forces attach themselves to the body. Apparently this may be one reason why a person feels grouchy when they awake, even if they nap a while.

One solution to the grouchiness : do Netilat Yadayim.

How?

Upon Awakening from sleep or after one’s needs, Take a Wash Cup Keli (vessel) that holds water – preferably one that has two handles. Pour a sufficient amount of water into the vessel, that allows you to completely cover each hand three times with water. (They sell these wash cups usually at a Jewish Bookstore). Pour enough water – that it even reaches the wrist bone – on the right hand. Then do the same for the left. Then Right, then left. Then right, then left. Some add an addition set of pourings to remove the impure water.

Some men immerse in a Mikve – a pool of purifying waters – regularly. That also removes some of the impure forces from the body as well. I did feel somewhat upset today at someone who took something from from me. After the Mikve I felt less vengeful.

The less grouchy you feel, the less likely you will be bothered by other grouches in the morning.

G-d is Good

Another way to relieve the Grouchies is to recognize that everything that God does is for the good. When Someone insulted King David he said, it is not that man that is sending me this insult – it is G-d. He recognized all that happens is from G-d and that all that G-d does is for the good. An insult may be a manner for us to learn to be a bit more sensitive to others.

One can reach higher levels of Self Improvement through Simple Sufferings – provided one learns from them.

A friend to told me. One whose life depends on the stock market, his happiness is dependent upon the stocks. If his stock goes up, his happiness goes up. If it goes down his happiness goes down. Someone whose happiness is dependent upon G-d can always be happy, because he know whatever happens is for the good.

Think Serene Thoughts

Some people are bothered by the “what if?” thoughts. Some are healthy – those that help to prepare properly for the future. Some only help a person to worry. Obviously,
if one banished the negative thoughts, one will be able to handle life better. Think that G-d is in control and he is our Loving Father. A Father wants good. Think that it will be good and it will be good.

Grouchiness is related to stress. Be Cool.

Some people like to blame others. It relieves you of your responsibility, but makes you bitter inside. release yourself from the shackles of animosity and think of the good in your life.

Think that life is good and it will be good.

Self Confidence & Emotional Independence

When upset by someone else’s actions towards us – we show that their approbation is important to us. The Torah wants us to be so self confident that the actions of others towards us have no bearing upon our self-esteem.

The Rambam / Maimonides tells a story of once a person was sleeping under a staircase on a ship. A rich man, wanted to show his disdain for the poor person. He proceeded to urinate on him.

The Rambam relates that that was one of the greatest days of his life – because through this occurrence he realized that he reached a level to be undisturbed by the actions of others. It was him who was in control of his actions. His actions were determined by his thoughts not by his heart. He was a man of action not of reaction. He was a free man.

One explanation of

“The only one who is considered to be a free man is one who occupies himself with Learning Torah.” (Pirkei Avot 6:2)

is Through learning Torah a person internalizes the priorities in life – the closeness to G-d and spiritual advancement – and achieves freedom from material and emotional dependencies. Through the lessons of Torah and working on oneself was this person to achieve the level of self-control and emotional freedom.

King David was on such a height that he asked for suffering. For through it, he would feel solely dependent and attached to G-d. His priority in life was to reach the ultimate close relationship with G-d.

We can also understand Rabbi Eliezer’s statement.

Rabbi Eliezer Hakefar says jealousy & desire & honor remove a person from the world. (Pirkei Avot 4:21)

One who lives his life based upon the approbation of others & his satisfaction is dependent upon them, he does not live his own life & enjoy it. His happiness depends upon the acts of others. Thus his happiness is dependent upon them. A person who makes his happiness dependent upon himself will have the potential to reach true happiness.

Learning Self-Improvement Works from Torah

Through Torah works – we learn the way to handle all kinds of situation. Mussar / Jewish Ethical works – – help us to have a proper perspective on life to be able to better to handle the ups and downs. This is the long term solution, to read, study and internalize the lessons that allow us to better ourselves daily.

Classical Mussar Works include Mesilat Yesharim / the Path of the Just (by Moshe Chaim Luzatto), Shaarei Teshuva (Gates of Repentance), Chovot HaLevavot / Duties of the Heart, Orchot Tzadikim / Paths of the Righteous, Derech Hash-m / the Path of G-d, Cheshbon HaNefesh / Accounting of the Soul. Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers also contains pearls of Wisdom and teachings in Mussar for Self-Improvement.

Giving without receiving

Giving is better than receiving.

When we give to others and they don’t return in kind apparently our giving was with expectation of receiving. A high level of kindness is done by caring for the body of the dead – for one expects no favors from the person in return. If we give purely to give – we await nothing in return. Our Gift is the ability to give. Receiving something in return is secondary or non-consequential.

The Torah has made changes to the world. To make a comparison to the world of yesteryear and the world of Today brings out some differences.

Here is a resume of some of the points of how the Torah brought the world to a greater state of perfection.:

1. Monotheism – Torah taught the belief in One G-d. People used to commit Idolatry on a larger scale – which included human sacrifices – and anarchy.

2. Respect for Human Life – The Torah gave the Laws to nations to not murder. Now it is on the books of all civilized nations

3. Trial by Judges

4. Respect of the Privacy of Others

5. Respect for Monogamy – Respect of the Sanctity of Marriage and Family

6. Respect for the Body of Others – In Rome the decadence was such that respect of the married, men, women and children was not a value.

7. Not causing pain to Animals

We can see the development in perfecting the world by paralleling them with the 7 Noahide commandments given to all humanity by G-d in the Torah.

The Seven Noahide Laws
They are seven major categories – that with their details consist of 30 laws.

1) Respecting G-d – Not to blaspheme.

2) Being Faithful to G-d – Not to Commit Idolatry.

3) Respecting Human Life – Not to Kill.

4) Respecting One’s Fellow’s Property – Not to Steal.

5) Respecting the Integrity of the Family – Not to commit forbidden relations – which includes prohibitions of adultery, incest, bestiality and homosexuality.

6) Respect of Life – Not to eat a limb taken from a living animal.

7) Law and Order – Establishing courts of law to enforce these laws.

Aish HaTorah Offers a 12-Part Series on a Noted Jewish Historian – Rabbi Ken Spiro’s Lectures on “WorldPerfect” by Rabbi Kenneth Spiro.

1: Key Values for a Perfect World – What is the source of our utopian world vision?

2: Value of Life – Today’s violence in sports is child’s play compared to many ancient cultures.

3: War & Peace – Nations often employ the law of the jungle: Might makes right.

4: Justice for All – Greek democracy was far from “one person, one vote.”

5: Mass Education – Education is power. Mass illiteracy keeps people under control.

6: Family Values – Greek civilization viewed pederasty as the highest form of love.

7: Social Responsibility – The Jews introduced the key concepts of modern morality.

8: The Jewish Perspective – He who saves one life is as if he saves an entire universe.

9: Jewish Justice & Education – The Jewish king was not above the law; rather he exemplified it.

10: Jewish Family & Responsibility – Biblical values became the basis for social welfare.

11: Monotheism and its Implications – America’s Founding Fathers turned to the Bible for inspiration.

12: Looking Forward – Everyone is part of the whole, responsible one for another.

Rabbi Kenneth Spiro. also has an Audios and more on Jewish History and the subject of WorldPerfect – how the Torah brought the world to a greater state of perfection.

A recent video explaining the contributions of the Jews can also be seen in a work called “The Mystery of the Jews”

In the business world, employees come together for a greater purpose. To provide a service or products for a greater public.

It is a Mitzvah / commandment to work. Gentiles also have the commandment to establish the world. Thus by working for a productive purpose, people get rewarded by heaven.

I remember reading about a successful CEO. His philosophy was to make himself obsolete. He would empower employees to allow them to do the jobs themselves.

In some companies, there is a game of “I deserve the position”. Thus my interest will take precedence over my colleagues. Thus, one employee may gain at the detriment of another employee or at the detriment of the company.

The Seven Year Cycle

Every seven years in Israel, the Torah commands farmers to rest from tending to their fields. The fields and vineyards are given a rest in the seventh year. The farmers, with free time on their hands, are free to study Torah. Torah learning does good for the world.

When a farmer is at work, he sees the importance of producing produce for his own good, for his family’s sake, for the people his crop feeds. In the Seventh year he is able to see the greater picture doing good for the world. In the seventh year each person is equal on his field. Each person can come and take what they need to eat. The farmer is no longer the “owner” of his field. It is not him who is in control. He realizes that the true owner is G-d. He realizes that his crops are a G-d given gift. This allows him to grow spiritually.

The Greatness of a Man

Great people are the people who see a greater good, even if it means overlooking their self-interest. A soldier puts his life on the line for a greater purpose to protect his country. A person learning Torah puts his time to help the greater world – for his learning brings great good to the world.

Once a young man wanted to become a Doctor. His father, a rabbi, asked why do you want to become a doctor. He replied: I want to help people, by healing them. He said: If you learn Torah, you will prevent people from becoming ill. The young man heeded his father’s advice. The young man was A. Henach Leibowitz, Former Rosh HaYeshiva of Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim.

The Greater Picture

The world has not yet reached the point of looking at the greater picture. Each one sees – what is my point of view, what is my opinion, what is my background and then promotes it – even to the detriment of others and the world. Many religions caused pogroms and terrible suffering to innocent others because of their myopic view of the world. Many people because of their naive, predisposed or un-thought-out point of view cause damage to innocent others.

When we become mature enough to relinquish our own personal opinions to accept that G-d has our best interests in mind and follow the will of G-d so the world reaches it’s potential.

The world is not yet ready to accept – that the Torah is main law of morality in the world. Why Torah? It was the only law that was given by G-d to a nation of millions of people and witnessed by millions of witnesses. And G-d does not change his mind.

G-d Does Not Change His mind

Many religions are based upon the fact that G-d chose the Jewish nation, but then changed his mind. That is illogical. G-d who is all knowing does not change his “mind”.

In one place in the Torah we see that it seems like G-d changed his “mind” is when Balak saught to appoint the prophet of the nations, Bilaam, to curse the nation. G-d first told Bilaam not to go with Balak. Then Bilaam pleaded with G-d and then G-d said to go with Balak, but not to curse the nation. It seems that G-d changed His “mind”. But really this is akin to a child asking a parent to buy him hot peppers to eat. The parent refuses. The child pleads so much that the parent says OK – thinking “let him learn his lesson, by eating them.”

Judaism is the only religion that adheres not to that philosophy that G-d changes his “mind”.

Disillusioned by Religion

Many people are disillusioned by religion. They look at the horrendous atrocities that they inflicted upon innocent others and rightfully wonder how anyone can honestly follow such a religion that preaches or preached and committed such acts violence.

A common reaction is to take all religions, put them in a bag, and to throw them all out the window. A more wise approach would be to seek truth and consider Judaism – the father of all monotheistic thought – to see if it suits the person. This does not mean a person should seek to convert. It means a person should investigate the laws that Torah sets out for all people – the 7 Noahide laws from the Torah.

Judaism & Heaven

Judaism, unlike many other religions has a two track approach for a person to receive a place in heaven. A person can relinquish their religion and follow the 7 Noahide laws of the Torah. Or they can choose to take a more challenging route, by making an effort to convert to Judaism.

More and More people are learning about the 7 Noahide laws. This is the start of the world reaching it’s potential. When we realize that G-d has our ultimate best interest in mind and yielding to G-d is the way to ultimate happiness and Gentiles realize that the proper path in life is to follow their 7 Noahide laws – that is when the Messiah will come.

The Messiah will come in a generation when either everyone is following good or everyone is following evil. If the former is the case – it will be a peaceful transition. If the latter is the case – the transition will not be so peaceful.

Let’s pray to the G-d of Israel, that we will see the Bigger picture and ultimately see world peace in our times.

About the time of my Bar Mitzvah, when confronted with certain difficulties, I started reflecting about life. I thought that G-d was sending me a message to better myself. So I tried to find out more about Judaism. One of my first ventures to coming back to Judaism – started with going to the local public library and searching through the Judaism section. I avoided books that were written contrary to the Torah’s principles – I was searching to become closer to truth, spirituality and G-d. I thus searched for books with an author that had an orthodox background and whose works embodied the true hashkafa / outlook of the Torah. I tended towards books that had aggadah/ stories. It was not only to learn more about Judaism but to sooth my pain. When the difficulties dissipated, my love of Jewish stories continued.

The Jewish BBS

I had an idea many years ago to start a Jewish BBS (Bulletin Board Service). A BBS was usually a site set up by a Sysop (System Operator) – nowadays called a webmaster. There were many such sites on various subjects. In those days to access a site one had to have modem installed in there computer. You would call with the modem a BBS site and they would have files to download, texts, games and more. It was like a precursor to the internet.

So I typed many texts that would help teach people about Judaism. One such text was a list of books. In those days you had to go to a library or Physical bookstore to get access to the books. Today, many books you can order online. I even started a site to sell books online – jerusalemlife.com. But finally, I stopped selling the books and developed the information aspect of the site. Here are the books that I came up with to recommend. Now a plethora of books exist on Jewish topics – from novels, to Jewish law, to Jewish stories, to personal stories, and much more. Some of the Jewish book sites I recommend are :

Feldheim Publishers
Artscroll Publishers

J E W I S H B O O K S
———————————
T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S

AGGADAH/FOLKLORE/STORIES
BIOGRAPHIES
BUSINESS
DEAFNESS
ETHICAL BEHAVIOR and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT
FOOD
HEBREW (Learning)
HISTORY
HOLOCAUST
JUDAISM
MEDICAL
NAMES
PHILOSOPHY
RABBIS and RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE:
RELATIONSHIPS and MARRIAGE
SHABBAT and HOLY DAYS
TORAH
TRAVEL
WOMEN

Many of these books can be obtained at your local Jewish bookstore.
It is also possibe to contact the publishers directly.

This list provided by the the Jewish Life Guide.

AGGADAH/FOLKLORE/STORIES:
————————-

The Maggid Speaks
– Favorite Stories and parables of Rabbi Shalom Schwadron shlita,
Maggid of Jerusalem
– By Rabbi Paysach J. Krohn
– Mesorah Publications, Ltd., Brooklyn, NY (1987)

The Stories and Parables of the Hafetz Hayyim
– Gathered and arranged by David Zaretsky
– Translated from the Hebrew by Charles Wengrov
– Edited by Rabbi Isaiah Aryeh Dvorkas (1976)
– Feldheim Publishers, Jerusalem / New York

BIOGRAPHIES:
————

The Torah Personality
– A Treasury of Biographical Sketches
– Editor Rabbit Nison Wolpin
– Mesorah Publications Ltd.

The Chazon Ish
– The Life and Idseals of Rabbi Avraham Yeshayah Karelitz
– By Rabbi Shimon Finkelman
– Mesorah Publications Ltd. (1989)

Baba Sali – Rav Yisrael Abuchatzeirah – Our Holy Teacher
– His life, piety, teachings, and miracles.
– By Rav Eliyahu Alfasi and Rav Yechiel Torgeman
– Written and edited by C.T. Bari
– Translated by Leah Dolinger
– The Judaica Press Inc., New York (1986)

Reb Moshe
– The Life and Ideals of HaGaon Rabbi Moshe Feinstein
– By Rabbi Shimon Finkelman with Rabbi Nosson Scherman
– Mesorah Publications Ltd., Brooklyn, New York (1986)

BUSINESS:
———

Business Ethics in Jewish Law
– By Edward Zipperstein
– Ktav Publishing House Inc., New York, NY (1983)

In The Marketplace – Jewish Business Ethics
– By Dr. Meir Tamari
– Targum / Feldheim (1991)

With All Your Possessions
– By Dr. Meir Tamari

COOKING:
——–

Please note: We are not responsible for the Kashrut standards used
in these books. Please consult a Rabbi, if you find a
questionable recipe or ingredient, to find out the
Halachah (Law) on the subject.

The Sephardic Kosher Kitchen
– By Suzy David
– Illustrations by Jean David
– Jonathan David Publishers Inc., Middle Village, New York (1984)

Chinese Kosher Cooking
– By Betty S. Goldberg
– Jonathan David Publishers, Middle Village, NY (1984)

DEAFNESS:
———

The Deaf Jew in the Modern World
– Edited by Jerome D. Schein and Lester J. Waldman
– Ktav Publishing House for the New York Society for the Deaf (1986)

ETHICAL BEHAVIOR and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
——————————————-

Ethics from Sinai (3 Volumes)
– Commentaries on famous ethical sayings and wisdom of our early
rabbis.
– By Rabbi Irving M. Bunim
– Feldheim Publishers, New York

Gateway to Self-Knowledge
– A very thorough practical guide that helps one focus his values
and goals in life. An excellent tool for self-improvement.
– By Rabbi Zelig Priskin
– Aish HaTorah

Guard Your Tongue
– An adaptation of the Chofetz Chaim’s book on loshon hora brought
to life with numerous true to life examples of what gossip is and
how to avoid this pitfall.
– By Rabbi Zelig Priskin
– Aish HaTorah

Love Your Neighbor
– A monumental work that gleans from the weekly Torah portion
lessons how to treat ones fellow man. Complimented with inspiring
stories of our Torah scholars.
– By Rabbi Zelig Priskin
– Aish HaTorah

HEBREW (Learning):
——————

Living Language Conversational Manual – Hebrew
– Teaches Hebrew with Books and Audio Materials
– By Samuel Steinberg
– Crown Publishers Inc., New York (1958)

HISTORY:
——–

Behold a People
– The author goes through the entire Biblical period and gives us
interesting insights into our national development, while
pointing out moral lessons that can be learned from our noble
history.
– By Rabbi Avigdor Miller
– R. Avigdor Miller

HOLOCAUST:
———-

Lest We Forget
– Growing up in Nazi Leipzig 1933-1939
– Rabbi Shlomo Wahrman
– Mesorah Publications Inc., Brooklyn, NY

The Holocaust
– An annotated bibliography and resource guide
– Edited by David M. Szonyi
– Ktav Publishing House for the National Jewish Resource Center
New York (1985)

JUDAISM:
——–

Code of Jewish Law – Kitzur Shulhan Aruh (4 Volumes)
– A Compilation of Jewish Law and Customs
– By Rabbi Solomon Ganzfreid, Translated by Hyman Goldman?, LL. B.
– Hebrew Publishing Company (1961)

A Book of Jewish Concepts
– An Encyclopedic Dictionary of Judaism
– By Phillip Birnbaum
– Hebrew Publishing Company, New York (1975)

The Book of Our Heritage (3 Volumes)
– The Jewish Year and Days of Significance
– By Eliyahu Kitov, Translated from the Hebrew `Sefer Hatoda’ah’
By Nathan Bulman
– `A’ Publishers – Jerusalem – New York (1968)

Ethics of the Fathers (Pirkei Avot)
– Includes a supplement on TaRYaG Mitzvot (the 613 Commandments),
and Biographies on the Rabbis of the Mishnah
– Text, translation and notes by Phillip Blackman
– Judaica Press, New York, NY (1979)

The Handbook of Jewish Thought
– Jewish concepts on 13 different subjects.
– By Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (1979)
– Moznaim Publishing Corp., New York / Jerusalem

The Jew and His Home
– A guide to observance
– By Eliyahu Kitov, Translated by Nathan Bulman
– Shengold Publishers Inc., New York, NY (1984)

The Jewish Dietary Laws
– A guide to their understanding and observance
– By Dayan Dr. I Grunfeld
– The Soncino Press London / Jerusalem / New York

The Kuzari (Kitab al Khazari)
– An Argument for the Faith of Israel
– By Judah Halevi
– Schoken Books – New York (1971)

The Legacy of Sinai
– A history of Torah transmission, with world backgrounds: From
Creation through the close of the Geonic Era [1 – 4798]
– By Rabbi Zechariah Fendel
– Hashkafah Publications, New York (5745/1985)

The Mitzvot
– The 613 Commandments and their rationale.
– By Abraham Chill
– Block Publishing Company, New York, NY (1974)

The Palm Tree of Deborah
– Observances and Attitude of mind in which the ideal of the
“Imitation of G-d” may be realized
– By Rabbi Moses Cordovero
– Translation, Introduction and Notes by Louis Jacobs (1981)
– Sepher-Hermon Press, New York

Reasons for Jewish Customs and Traditions (Ta’amei Minhagim)
– By Rabbi Abraham Sperling, Translated by Rabbi Abraham Matts
– Bloch Publishing Company, New York (1968)

The Sanctity of Speech
– About the power of the tongue, lashon ha-rah, etc.

Strive for Truth
– Selected writings on different aspects of life
– By Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler
– Michtav Me-Eliyahu rendered into English by Aryeh Carmell
– Feldheim Publishers, New York – 5745/1985

To Be a Jew
– A guide to Jewish observance in contemporary life.
– By Rabbi Chaim Donin
– Basic books Inc.

Tzitzit – A Thread of Light
– By Aryeh Kaplan
– National Conference of Synagogue Youth / Union of Orthodox
Jewish Congregations, New York, New York (1984)

A Woman of Valor
– An anthology for the thinking Jewess
– The Lubavitch Foundation of Great Britain (1976)

Tales of the Tongue
– Parables, stories, guidelines, and teachins of the Sages on Proper
speech
– Esther Ehrenreich and Chava Kahan
– Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn, NY

Guide to Midoth Improvement
– Text on how to improve your personal qualities
– By Naftali Hoffner (1991)
– Feldheim, New York

The Way of G-d and an Essay on the Fundamentals
– Teaches about the ways of G-d
– Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto
– Translated by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (1977)
– Feldheim, New York (1977)

Mesillat Yesharim – The Path of the Just
– Step-by-step help for those desiring spiritual growth (English &
Hebrew)
– Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto
– Translated by Shraga Silverstein
– Feldheim, New York (1966)

Gateway to Happiness
– A practical guide to happiness and peace of mind culled from the
full spectrum of Torah literature
– Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (1983)
– Aish HaTorah Publications
– Benei Yaakov Publications, 1742 East 7th Street, Brooklyn, NY, 11223
– 718-376-5903

Choose Life!
– An Approach for Obtaining Happiness and Meaning Based on the
Principles of Torah and Explained Through the Medium of a Very
Human Story-Like Dialog.
– Also includes Rosh Hashanah: Unveiling the Purpose of Creation
– Rabbi Ezriel Tauber
– Shalheves, PO Box 361, Monsey, NY, 10952, 914-356-3515

Living Each Week
– Explanation, Commentary and Practical Advice from the weekly Torah
Reading (Parashah HaShavuah)
– Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D.
– Mesorah Publications, Brooklyn, NY

Return to the Source
– Selected articles for the intelligent, reasoning, modern Jew who
is trying to unravel the riddle of hid existence.
– Feldheim

Taryag 613
– Useful study guide translates the Rambam’s listing of the 613
mitzvot. With cross references to the Chinuch and Sefer
HaMitzvot.
– By Rabbi Alon I. Tolwin
– Feldheim

MARRIAGE / FAMILY PURITY:
————————-

“How goodly are your tents, O Jacob, Thy dwellings, O Israel!”
(Numbers 24:4)

A Hedge of Roses
– Jewish Insights into Marriage and Married Life
– Norman Lamm (1987)
– Feldheim, New York

A Guide to Jewish Family Laws
– Zev Schostak
– Feldheim, New York

Taharas Am Yisroel
– a guide to the Laws of Taharas Hamishpochoh (Family Purity)
– Rabbi S. Wagschal (1983)
– Philipp Feldheim, New York

Le Judaisme et La Vie Conjugale
– Moshe David Tendler
– Fondation Sefer – Paris

Made in Heaven
– Jewish Wedding Guide. A blend of both the philosophy and
halachic aspects of a Jewish marriage.
– Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (1983)
– Moznaim Publishing Corporation, Brooklyn, NY

The River, the Kettle and the Bird
– The Torah Guide to Successful Marriage
– Aharon Feldman (1987)
– CSB Publications, Jerusalem
– Distributed by Philip Feldheim Inc., Spring Valley, NY

Le Marriage C’est Quoi? C’est une Vocation
– French – Guide pour le couple
– translated and adapted by Rabbi Isaac Zerbib
– Haktav Institute, Jerusalem (5744)

Waters of Eden – The Mystery of the Mikvah
– A new exploration of the concept of mikvah renewal and rebirth
– By Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (1982)
– NCSY/Union of Orthodox Jewish Congregations of America, NY, NY

The Jewish Way in Love and Marriage
– Popular authoritative presentation of Jewish teaching on love and
marriage in light of the traditions and laws in the Bible.
– By Rabbi Maurice Lamm
– Harper & Row

Jewish Marriage – A Halakhic Ethic
– basic guidelines and advice for the development of a sound
marriage
– Rabbi Reuven Bulka (1986)
– KTAV Publishing House, Inc., NY, NY

The Jew and His Home
– A guide to observance
– By Eliyahu Kitov, Translated by Nathan Bulman
– Shengold Publishers Inc., New York, NY (1984)

Revelations About Marriage
– renewed and enlarged edition of the book Happiness in Marriage
– reveals the deep dimension of married life through the teachings
of the Hebrew letters (Using Gematria – numerology)
– Rabbi Mattityahu Glazerson
– Raz-Ot Institute, Jerusalem

How to Stop an Intermarriage
– A practical and effective guide for parents dealing with the
pitfalls of intermarriage.
– By Rabbi Kalman Packouz
– Aish HaTorah

Jewish Alternatives in Love, Dating and Marriage
– Provides a secure and sensible framework with which to deal with
lifes most challenging and perplexing phenomena; love, dating and
marriage.
– By Rabbi Pinchas Stopler
– National Conference of Synagogue Youth

The Ways of Purity
– Abridged work on family purity laws
– Rav Mordechai Eliahu, Shlita – Richon LeZion, Chief Rabbi of
Israel
– Treanslated by Rav Isaac Habib, Chlita
– Edited by The World Center For The Purity of The Jewish Family
– You can get this book in NY at 718-253-7051

Les Chemins de la Purete
– French – Abridged work on family purity laws
– Rav Mordechai Eliahu, Shlita – Richon LeZion, Chief Rabbi of
Israel
– Treanslated by Rav Isaac Habib, Chlita
– Edited by le Centre Mondial de la Purete de la Maison Juive (The
World Center For The Purity of The Jewish Family)
– You can get this book in NY at 718-253-7051

MEDICAL:
——–

Jewish Medical Law
– A concise Response, compiled and edited from the `Tzitz Eliezer’
– By Rabbi Avraham Steinberg M.D., Translated By David B. Simons M.D.
– Gefen Publishing, Jerusalem/California (1980)

Judaism and Healing – Halakhic Perspectives
– A concise, incisive but non-technical study of major issues in
in medical bio-ethics.
– By J. David Bleich
– Ktav Publishing House

NAMES:
——

The Complete Dictionary of English and Hebrew First Names
– By Alfred J. Koltach
– Jonathan David Publishers, Middle Village, New York (1984)

PHILOSOPHY:
———–

Anvil of Sinai
– Deals primarily with the conceptual and philosophical truths of
authentic Judaism.
– By Rabbi Zechariah Fendel
– Hashkafah Publications

Challenge
– Torah views on science and its problems, including Genesis,
evolution, and the ethical dilemma arising out of recent
scientific advances.
– Compiled By Carmel & Domb
– Feldheim

Challenge of Sinai
– An authentic Torah approach to the ever-present challenges of a
changing society. Includes Torah values, sexual mores, zero
population growth, abortion, drug culture and intermarriage.
– By Rabbi Zechariah Fendel
– Hashkafah Publications

RABBIS and RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE:
—————————-

Akiba
– A biographical novel of the great tanna Rabbi Akiba.
– By Marcus Lehman
– Phillip Feldheim, Inc., New York (1956)

A Tzaddik in our Time
– Biography of Rabbi Aryeh Levin, filled with uplifting stories
that testify his piety.
– By Simcha Raz
– Feldheim

SHABBAT:
——–

The Sabbath
– A Guide to its Understanding and Observance
– By Dayan Dr. I. Grunfeld (1981)
– Feldheim Publishers, Jerusalem/New York

TALMUD STUDY:
————-

Gateway to the Talmud
– By Rabbi Meir Zvi Bergman

The Student’s Guide Through the Talmud
– By Rabbi Zvi Hirsh Chajes

Aiding Talmud Study
– Gemara Key words and phrases, concise survey of aramaic grammar,
intorduction to the talmud, tables of talmudic weights and
measures, chronological charts, and map of Torah centers
– By Rabbi Aryeh Carmell (1988)
– Feldheim – Jerusalem / New York

Understanding the Talmud
– A Systematic Guide to Talmudic Structure and Methodology
– Rabbi Yitzhak Feigenbaum (1988)
– Feldheim – Jerusalem / New York

The Gateway to Learning
– A systematic introduction to the study of Talmud
– By Rabbi Elyahu Krupnick
– Feldheim – Jerusalem / New York

The Ways of Reason
– A guide to the Talmud and the foundations of dialectics explaining
all the principles of reason and logic in a simple and concise way
– By Rabenu Moshe Chaim Luzzatto zt”l
– Translated by Rabbi David Sackton and Rabbi Chaim Tsholkowsky
(1989)
– Feldheim – Jerusalem / New York

The Oral Law
– By Rabbi H.C. Schimmel

Eshnav HaTalmud (Hebrew)
– A. Z. Melamed

Otzar HaTalmud (Hebrew)
– By Yosef Schecter

TORAH:
——

The Living Torah
– A translation of the Torah that includes study aids such as
introduction, notes, maps, tables, charts, bibliography and
index, which bring the people and the events of the Torah to
life.
– By Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan
– Maznaim

The Stone Edition – Chumash
– An excellent translation and commentary on the Torah
anthologized from Rabbinical writings.
– by Rabbi Nosson Scherman
– Artscroll – Mesorah Publications, 1994, Brooklyn, NY

TRAVEL:
——-

Asher Israelowitz’s Guide to Jewish Europe
– By Asher Israelowitz (1985)
– Mr. Israelowitz, P.O. Box 228, Brooklyn, NY 11229

WOMEN:
——

In Search of the Jewish Woman
– A contemporary approach for the Jewish Woman based on traditional
sources; her purpose, place and essence in the complex scheme of
life.
– By Yisroel Miller
– Feldheim

Women and Jewish Law
– An exploration of Women’s issues in Halakhik sources
– By Rachel Biale
– Shocken Books, NY (1984)

Publishers:
———-

Benei Yaakov Publications
1742 East 7th Street
Brooklyn, NY 11223
718-376-5903

Moznaim Publishing Corporation
4304 12th Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11219
718-428-7680, 718-853-0525

Mesorah Publications Ltd.
4401 Second Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11232
718-921-9000

Phillip Feldheim Inc.
200 Airport Executive Park
Spring Valley, NY 10977
914-356-2282, 800-237-7149

From the Same Author:
———————

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan
– Waters of Eden – The Mystery of the Mikvah (French edition: Les
Eaux d’Eden – Le mystere de la Mikvah)
– Sabbath – Day of Eternity (Fr: Le Chabbat, un jour d’eternite)
– G-d, Man and Tefillin (Fr: D., l’homme et les Tefilline)
– Tzitzis – The Thread of Light (Fr: Les Tzitzith, fil de lumiere)
– The Light Beyond (Fr: La lumiere au dela)
– Adventures in Chassidic Thought (Fr: Aventures dans la pensee
‘hassidique, anthologie)
– The Handbook of Jewish Thought (Fr: Manuel de pensee juive)
– The Bahir (Fr: Le Bahir, commontaire et Traduction)
– Made in Heaven – A Jewish Wedding Guide (Fr: Arrange dans le ciel –
guide du marriage juif)
– The Living Torah (Fr: La Torah vivante)
– If you were G-d (Fr: Si Vous Etiez D.)
– The Infinite Light (Fr: La Lumiere Infinie)

Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto
– The Path of the Just
– The Ways of Reason
– The Way of G-d

Rabbi Zelig Pliskin (Benei Yaakov Publications)
– Gateway to Happiness (1983)
– The Power of Words (1988)
– Guard Your Tongue – Adapted from the Chofetz Chaim (1975)
– Love Your Neigbor (1977)
– Growth Through Torah (1988)
– Gateway to Self-Knowledge

Rabbi S. Wagschal
– Care of Children on Shabbos and Yom Tov (Holidays)
– Guide to Kashrus (Kosher)
– Sh’mittoh is Here
– Taharas Am Yisrael (Purity of the People of Israel)

The Holy Tana – Rabbi Shimon Bar Yohai’s Hilloula (Yartzeit Celebration) is the 18th of Iyar, this past Wednesday Night.

Rabbi Shimon bar Yohai was a Tanna – a Great Rabbi, quoted in in the Mishna (Successor text of the Oral Torah) Text. On Lag BaOmer, we celebrate his Yartzeit (Day of Passing). He was a rabbi that attained superhuman heights. He reached such a high level of being, due to his study of the Torah, that he told People to celebrate his death – for he accomplished his potential in life. Thus, he told his followers to celebrate his life on his yartzeit.

RABBI SHIM’ON BAR YOHAY- -RASHBY. A great historical figure. Lived in hard historical times during the Roman occupation of Judea. Because of his criticism of the Roman occupiers, they put a price on his head. To escape them he hid in a cave with his son, Rabbi Elazar, for 13 years. During this long stay in the cave they studied together the mysteries of the Torah, and RASHBY is credited to have written the HOLY ZOHAR, the major text of KABBALAH. On LAG BAOMER, (18th of Iyar) his loyal followers flock to his tomb in Miron where they celebrate his HILLULA with much fanfare. Next to MOSHE HABBENU, his name is the most revered one among all Sephardim. In his honor, Sephardim chant the song BAR YOHAY every Friday night before Kiddush.

(Excerpt from a Text Written by. Rabbi Haim Toledano, z”l)

Hundreds of thousands celebrate the Hilloula Celebration of Lag BaOmer (the 33rd Day of the Omer) by purchasing candles auctioned-off in his memory and lighting candles in his memory, learning his Torah and visiting his tomb in Meron, Israel. In Israel, children collect scraps of wood to make a large pyre in order to burn on the day of his Hilloula.

One of the Explanations of custom the benefit of purchasing the candles of the righteous people is found in the following excerpt from Sefer Ahavat Haim regarding faith and Lag Baomer:

“On the night of Lag Ba’omer we are accustomed to selling candles and we announce the names of many [Tzadiklmj as well as [each person] who purchases and lights the candle in their honor:

I heard that at that moment, that particular Tzadik comes down from the world of truth, gazes at the face of that person [who purchased a candle in his name], and the Tzadik [then] departs keeping [the sponsors] name and [facial] features [in mind]. When that person [eventually] dies, that particular Tzadik comes and speaks in his defense, and says This man spent such and such an amount of money and lit candles in honor of the Tzadikim although he never saw us and he does not recognize us. [He did this] only because of his [pure] faith. .. [These words of defense are heard in heaven and the person] is exonerated. . .”

Light a candle in his memory and say a prayer to Hash-m that in his merit you will be answered.

I remember a children’s book – Gillespie and the Guards.

The King appointed guards for his palace. They were renown as the greatest. The king was so confident of them that he issued a challenge – anyone who could steal anything from the palace would be rewarded.

A small boy, took him up on it. He entered the palace and tried to take a wagon full of rocks. The guards quickly stopped him. He returned the rocks and took back his wagon. He tried again, he tried to take sand this time. The guards stopped him. He put back the sand and took his wagon. He tried taking other things they stopped him each time.

Then the boy appeared to the king to claim his reward. The king said – “Why So? My guards stopped you each time!”

Gillespie answered “Your majesty the king – they stopped me from stealing the rocks and sand from the palace, but they didn’t stop me from stealing the wagons!”

We sometimes act like this king. We fall into the trap of momentum. We ignore the obvious. We have a certain lifestyle – certain beliefs and want to remain with them. If they are challenged we shrug the people off and say this is the way we’ve been doing it for many years. Then the tide turns and we know not what hit us.

Judaism is based upon questioning. Questioning your ideals, yourself, the values of society to be able to arrive at truth. Continuous improvement starts with a desire to find truth. Prayer to find it also helps.

Some would rather remain in the comfort zone. But where do they end up? In the comfort zone.

Growth takes effort. A person builds their strengths by lifting a little more every day. The same applies to mental and emotional fitness.

Here is a common example:

Judaism seeks not converts. Judaism – as opposed to other religions offers two paths – one for Jews and one for gentiles. When G-d gave the Torah, he gave laws for all people – the 7 Noahide laws and laws for Jews. Through respecting them a person is offered a place in heaven.

There are thousands of religions in the world. I sometimes wonder why people follow them. Why? Many religions admit to the fact that G-d gave the Torah to the Jewish people. They accept that G-d gave the Torah Law to the Jews at Mount Sinai about 3,300 years ago in the presence of millions of witnesses.

Yet, many religions are based upon – “G-d changed his mind” about his laws or people. Logically, that is very challenging. That is basically saying that G-d, Knower of all facts present, past and future made a mistake. Problematic to say the least. Judaism does not have the “G-d’s mistake” problem of theology and logic.

If you point it out to some – they will admit to the problem but not change.

Others will ignore it.

Some honest people will admit to the problem and say maybe they should investigate the 7 Noahide laws or Judaism.

This is one example. Examples abound. This is the job of the Yetzer HaRah/ “Inclination for Bad.” It tricks you to overlook the obvious. Our tool is to be focused on finding truth. Regardless if it means giving in or giving up.

It is easy to disregard fact to stay in one’s comfort zone. But G-d provides us with a brain to discern truth to be able to arrive at our potential. That’s what G-d expects of us to honestly and sincerely search for truth – even if it means we must step out of our comfort zone.

I fall asleep sometimes in my daytime clothes.

Waking up in the middle of the night, I put on pajamas and fall asleep again. The second part of my sleep is more relaxing than the first.

1. Getting a Good Night’s Sleep Starts from the Day.

In the Talmud (Tractate / Masechet Berachot) it talks about dreams. Dreams can be prophetic or they can be things that a person thinks about during the day.

A person who reads scary books or watches scary videos may have nightmares at night. Seeing things unbecoming also causes one to think about them at night.

Thus, best to avoid those things. There is a Segula / Amulet to saying “Eliyahu HaNavi” 72 Times before sleep to help a person clear their bad thoughts. It also prevents one from becoming a Baal Keri / בעל קרי.

2. Don’t Ingest Caffeine

Coke, Caffeine Tea or Coffee make and acidic things – like Orange Juice at night may make it difficult to fall asleep.

3. Avoid Stress or anything that might cause you an Emotional Outburst

When one has stress or concerns, it makes a person anxious and less likely to fall asleep. Remember G-d is in control and he does all for the good of the person.

4. Finish Unfinished Tasks

– Have a report or homework to do? Finish them before sleep.

5. Take some time to learn Torah –

Learning Torah calms and provides joy for a person.

6. Put on Pajamas

Pajamas should be comfortable. I like 100% cotton and loose pajamas that cover the body, arms and legs. Wearing short sleeves or short pants sometimes makes a person uncomfortable – because a person has a natural tendency to want to be covered – due to modesty. Adam, the first man, felt uncomfortable when he saw he was uncovered and took leaves to cover himself. I think this is also the reason a person, in general, wants to sleep with a cover.

7. Say Shema

Saying Shema Yisrael (found in Prayer Books) allows a person to destroy evil spiritual forces.

Sit up in Bed.

Some say the only the first paragraph. Some say the Kriyat Shema found in Prayer book.

For Kids Say :
– Shema Yisrael … / Hear Oh Israel
– Torah Tziva Lanu Moshe… / The Torah Moshe Commanded Us ..
– Hamalach Hagoel … / The Angel that Redeems …

Reciting Shema before sleep, Prevents People from having Nightmares.

8. Go in Bed

Get into a comfortable position. Men sleep on their left sides to start to aid digestion and wake on their right side.

9. Turn Off Light

Sleeping with the light on may disturb sleep. If one needs light, a night light will usually do. Or have a lamp next to bed to reed and to turn off before sleep. On Shabbat or Holidays one may use the Shabbat Lamp available in some Jewish Books stores. One does not turn off the light. One just covers the light.

10. Review Your Day
Think of the good you did and things you could have done things better. This is called Chesbon HaNefesh / Accounting of the Soul. When you commit to becoming better, it is the first step in becoming better. You go to sleep as a better person.

Traveling, one encounters forks in the road.

Take one fork you arrive in New York. Take the other you will find yourself in Philadelphia.

Life also has forks.

Decide on one path you arrive at point A, take the other you arrive at point B.

This is not a problem if you have no destination to arrive to.

But most people want to arrive at a specific destination at the end of their life.

They want their life to be meaningful and at the end we hope that we will have achieved our purpose.

Once a Rabbi was on the platform between two trains. He asked his student to estimate the distance between the two trains. The students responded “about 30 feet”. The Rabbi responded “in reality they are 3000 miles apart because one is going to New York and the other one is going to California.”

The decision you make now will have great repercussions upon your life – 30 years from now.

Thus dating is an important process to help one decide where they’re going to be 30 years from now.

Dating in Judaism, has contrary to society’s values, is specifically to find a mate that is suitable for marriage.

This changes the face of dating.

The goal is not to have a good time, rather it is to find out if the person in front of you is suitable to help you and them to reach your common potential together in the context of marriage. Part of finding the right mate is finding someone you can communicate and enjoy life with. But having enjoyment without having the basic necessities leads to a dead end road.

A person who looks at dating as a matter to just have a good time is like the person who takes a road trip without having a designated destination. They may have a good time, but in the end, they end up not getting anywhere.

Avoiding the 7 Dating Mistakes

1. Know Your Destination Before you Start

Put in your mind that you are dating to find a suitable marriage partner. Once that is your goal – it makes things much easier. You talk to find out if the person has the right values, goals, Torah outlook and character traits to be able to establish a family together.

Look in the places that fit your standards for a mate.

I give the following advice to people – before person gets married that should reinforce themselves in observance of Judaism.

The reason is is that God matches a person according to the level of observance – or open-mindedness to observance of Judaism of the potential mate.

Thus, if a person is hanging out in bars and discotheques – God will most likely give you the opportunity to meet those kinds of people. If you go to Jewish Torah lectures, you will find a mate with more proper Jewish values, than those found in a bar.

Not judging those people who hang out in bars – I used to go myself – they are not usually interested in spiritual growth. Thus if you raise your standard, God will raise the standard of person you will meet.

If you value keeping kosher, God will likely help you find someone who also keeps kosher.

If you value observing the Shabbat and start observing it, that God will also introduce you to someone has who has like values.

If you value learning Torah, and start learning Torah regularly, God will help you to find someone also values Torah learning.

You should know that Judaism was fashioned by G-d that through it a person is able to reach their potential in life and to raise the best family that they possibly can. Following Torah allows one to reach their potential. A Jewish person reaches their potential by observing the 613 commandments. A non-Jew reaches their potential by following the 7 Noahide laws – that are commanded by the Torah for all people.

Thus it makes sense to find a mate that values Judaism observance.

2. Assure that your Potential Mate is Jewish, if you are Jewish. Assure that they want to follow the 7 Noahide laws if you are not.

If you are Jewish and your current partner is not, it is better to break up. If you are adamant about your continuing with your current partner – Break up, assure that they will convert to Judaism through guidance of an Orthodox Rabbi. Once they convert you can decide whether the relationship works. If they are not serious or not honest better to break it off.

If you are not Jewish and your partner is Jewish, then you should break up with them. If you are adamant about continuing with your partner, you should ask yourself if you are ready to convert to Judaism through the guidance of an Orthodox rabbi.

Jewish is defined by having a mother, or a maternal grandmother that was Jewish or converted according to Torah Law – through a Jewish Orthodox Beit Din / court of law.

When a husband or wife are Jewish and their spouse are from a different religion it causes strife in the couple.

The children are also confused. They go to one grandparents or uncles or aunts house and they see one religion being observed. And they go to another house and they see another religion being observed. This not only confuses them, but it detracts from their self-confidence. They don’t know where they belong. They don’t know whether they belong in one camp or the other. Whether to adopt one set of values or not. In essence intermarriage is unfair to the resulting children.

Thus it makes sense for a Jew to marry a Jew.

A Jewish person is not allowed to marry a Non-Jew. A Jewish person cannot relinquish their religion. They will always be considered Jewish and obligated to follow Jewish law regardless of motions that they do if they try to “convert out”.

Someone who is currently not a Jew who wants to marry a Jew, should first breakup with their current mate. Then learn about conversion to Judaism through an Orthodox rabbi and see if they are ready to take on all the obligations that the Torah law requires. If they are not, it makes sense for them to find another potential mate.

3. Avoid Contact during Dating

Contact during dating makes it more difficult to make an unbiased decision about whether their current mate has marriage potential. Once a person has had contact with their mate, they are necessarily biased and cannot come to a fully objective decision of whether their prospective mate has the right qualities to help bring out their potential in life.

4. Assure Your Potential Mate is On the Same Wavelength –

Some people just want to have fun. They have no intention whatsoever to get married. Thus they waste the time of their mate that does want to get married. Thus it makes sense to clarify where their mate is holding in terms of marriage – to assure they also want to get Married.

Some mates want to have children while the other does not. According to Torah a man is obligated to have children – at least a boy and a girl. Thus it makes sense for a person to assure that their potential mate also wants to have children.

Some mates will say anything to assure they will get married but once married they change their tune. They do the opposite of what they said they would do. Thus it makes more sense to find someone who is already doing the major things that are important to you – rather than to rely on a promise.

One should assure that their mate observes Torah and Mitzvot or seriously wants to.

Some want to marry a working man. Some women want to marry a man that just learns Torah. Some want to marry a man that does half and half. Determine what you are looking for.

5. Look for Character Traits
Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty. Thus searching for good character traits in a potential mates makes more sense, than to search for someone who has only external beauty.

Person can get used to looks. But getting used to bad character is much more difficult.

6. Get References about Your Potential Mate
At times a person looks nice and acts nicely – but inside they are a snake. They won’t show their scales, fangs or venom in public for fear of alienating their mate. After they get under the wedding canopy, the hissing starts.

Not everybody is a snake. But it makes sense to get references and to learn about the mate from third parties before getting married. One may ask about the temper of the potential mate, and the health, and the ability to bear children.

There are Jewish laws that prohibit speaking badly about others. Thus when asking a third-party for information about a particular mate, you must specify that the reason you want this information is you are interested in dating them for marriage. Thus they will be allowed according to Jewish law to tell that you things that are of use, that they would not be allowed to had you not mentioned that fact.

You must also ask pointed questions – like did you ever see the person getting angry?
– Do you know if this person has an abusive personality?
– You know of anything bad that would impinge on a marriage about this person?
– Do you know of any health problems or psychological problems that this person has?

Do not ask very vague questions that everybody can shirk their responsibility in answering the question – like is this person a nice person? Everybody can act nicely in certain situations. Thus the question is not necessarily useful.

7. Consider Each Potential Mate Seriously – Don’t Reject Because of Lack of Perfection
when I was going out, I would consider seriously each person that was proposed to me. I had the Torah Outlook that everything that God does is for a purpose. Thus if God arranged that someone proposed a certain mate to me, I would consider them seriously – unless they were seriously out of the ballpark. I would try to go out until things would not work out. There were times that I almost got engaged and God arranged that things did not work out. This does not mean to be naïve and say yes to everybody, but it means that a person should consider seriously the people that God puts in their path, provided that they meet all the criteria above.

At times, a person rejects a good Shidduch / Potential Mate because they did not find perfection. Most of the time this is wrong because each person is not perfect themselves. One of the purpose of marriage is to work together for each one of them to achieve a greater perfection.

People also make the mistake of thinking that the person is etched in stone and cannot change. People can change for the better or for the worse. A mates can have an influence on the decisions of their spouse. They can influence them to become better or to change their mind on certain decisions.

There was a a girl that did not want to date a boy because he said that if he could not support his family he might move away from where she wanted to live. She felt that it was serious enough to reject meeting the boy.

I suggested that she speak with great rabbis of the generation to find out if that was a worthy reason to not meet a person. If a person has a doubt about meeting or continuing with a person, they should consult with Daat Torah – an orthodox rabbi or person who can give you the Torah’s perspective on the concern.

In any case, a woman has potential to influence her husband. When people get married they don’t get married in a vacuum. Each one can influence the other for the good or for the bad. People should take that fact into consideration as well before rejecting a good prospective mate due to an insignificant detail.

There is a story about to righteous people that were married. They divorced. The husband got married to a wicked wife. And the wife got married to a wicked man. The once righteous man became wicked through the influence of his wife. The righteous wife remained righteous and changed her wicked husband to become righteous as well. Both spouses have power to influence their spouse. But the wife apparently has more power to influence her husband then her husband to influence her.

These are just some of the considerations one should take into account. Continuous growth in Judaism when one is single and after marriage helps a person reach their potential. Thus a mate that one is searching for should have this also has a value – the desire to grow in Torah and mitzvot for them to reach their potential together.

One book that speaks of this is called “The River, the Kettle and the Bird”. It talks about three types of relationships that a married couple can achieve. It is a good book to read before getting married.

Observing the advice above will help a person raise a family that they are happy with and help them reach their potential in life. Moreover it will also help them to lead an enjoyable life. Observing Judaism helps a person to lead a happy life. Families enjoy Shabbat together. Members of the family respect one another. Members of the family acts with kindness and nobility with one another – when they follow the laws of the Torah.

Passover is a time for cleaning.

In trying to assure that their are no hametz / leavened products in our homes, we clean.

Apparently, the world learned spring cleaning from us.

The cleaning for Passover is a two part process, while spring cleaning is a one part process.

Spring cleaning is cleaning of the house.

Passover cleaning consists of cleaning the Hametz / unleavened products – like bread, cookies and the like from the house and hametz – the unleavened, i.e. haughtiness and arrogance – from the person.

The Hametz we find, we burn before Passover. We aim to do the same with our bad qualities – we try to do away with them.

Learning Jewish self-improvement works – like Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers, Mesilat Yesharim / Path of the Just – and introspection, help our quest to be our best.

The Mesilat Yesharim – is based upon the Concept that “Cleanliness leads to Godliness”. It outlines a step-by-step program on how one can reach a higher spiritual level.

If you feel negative emotions in certain situations, see if you can handle a situation that triggered you in a more positive way. Act it out in a positive way. Some review all their actions before going to sleep to find ways to improve.

The Physical cleaning of the house is easier.

How to Clean Easier

1. Get Supplies
Rubberbands, Zip Lock Bags (quart size), Paper Towels, Windex or Clorox Spray

Clean Easy First

See what’s easy to do. Is it untangling the cords, and putting them away or is it throwing out unneeded papers – like the electric bills from 10 years ago.

Cord Cleaning
Today we have cords for appliances, machines, sharpeners, phones, printers, tape recorders. The list continues. What to do with all of them?

Take Cords and put rubber bands around.

– turn cords around 4 fingers then place rubber-band around it.

– if cord has an adapter, put cord around prongs of adapter then put rubber bands

After place cords in Zip-lock bags and label .

Place same cords in same zip-lock bag. Like Printer cables in one bag. Put same types in gallon bag.

Paper Cleaning
Take random papers place in two piles. throw and keep.

Take throw pile put in two or three piles
– recycle and shred
– Jewish people have another pile – Shaimos / Shemot – papers and documents that contain G-d’s name or Holy writings. These must be disposed of in a Geniza – where they bury the holy writings.

Take the keep pile
Put in piles like the file pile and scrap paper pile.

Electonic filing
If you find business cards, put them all in a zip-lock bag. If you have needed addresses and phone numbers on papers or business cards, put them on your phone or computer index. Some phones will automatically update your computer contact files.

You might also want to have a Miscellaneous / Undecided pile – where you put things that you will decide about later.

The point is is to be quick – don’t get stuck deciding what to do. The Idea is to move.

Workspace Efficiency

Decide on everything if you need it or if you use it frequently.

If the desk in your room is not being used, give it away or recycle it.

Determine the frequency of use of papers and things in your room. Something you usually need frequent access to – keep it close. Something you only access infrequently, you can store it in the basement or a closet to create uncluttered working space.

Another tip:
To clean a drawer – spill all in big pile on a plastic table cloth on carpet and sort. Put things needed frequently in a close drawer, and things not needed frequently farther away.

When your workspace is clean and clear, you are able to concentrate better.

When I learn Torah, I try to clean the desk or table from books to create an uncluttered space to be able to better concentrate on Torah study.

Cleanliness is one step in the process of spiritual purification and growth.

Time is a cycle. In Judaism, certain events that occurred in the past are not just history, but have an influence on events that fall the same day in the future.

On Pesach / Passover, it was the only time in history when a whole nation left from within another nation.

On Passover, we do not just commemorate the event of the Jews leaving Egypt – we relive the Exodus.

On the 15th of the Jewish Month of Nisan, G-d freed the Jews from 210 years of bondage in Egypt. Every, year on that date – the time is propitious for freedom.

One, who in the past succumbed to temptation, can free themselves and become a totally new person. One can go from being an average person to a completely righteous person.

One can free themselves from the shackles of society and become the person they have the potential to become.

It takes three things – prayer, commitment and effort.

Prayer on this night is more potent. Efforts to improve are met with more success. Make the commitment and you will succeed.

The Word Egypt in Hebrew is Mitzrayim – It starts with the letter Mem and ends with a Final Mem. The Mem in the beginning of the word has an opening. At the end the Mem is completely closed. When a person would enter Mitzrayim – they would not be able to leave. Dogs and black magic prevented people from leaving.

Egypt was a place of vice. People were slaves to their vices. The Jews sunk to the 49th level of impurity – out of 50 levels. A vice starts like the slavery of Egypt. At first people volunteered to work for the good of the country. Pharaoh, slyly but surely made voluntary work into mandatory work, then he enslaved the Jews.

A vice starts as a interest. Then it takes grips of a person, until they are controlled by it. The Exodus of Egypt culminated by the receiving of the Torah. The Torah enabled the people to raise themselves out of their vices and become truly free people.