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The Secret to Shalom Bayit – Peace at Home

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I wear many hats – literally & figuratively. I wear a black fedora. Sometimes I wear a fez. Both fit – I was born in fez – where they wear those hats. I went to Yeshiva – where they wear black fedoras.

Over Rosh Hashana – I found myself auctioning the mitzvot of the day at the Synagogue. I told them a story – maybe I’ll relate it in another blog post.

I mentioned a Pirkei Avot (2:7) on Materialism & Torah:

7. He [the Great Sage Hillel] used to say –
more flesh, [leads to] more worms,
more property, more worry;
more women, more sorcery;
more maidservants, more lust;
more servants, more theft;
more Torah, more life;
more Yeshiva, more wisdom;
more counsel, more understanding; more charity, more peace.
One who acquired a good name he acquired it for himself. One who acquired words of Torah acquired life in the next world [ie, a portion in heaven].

I didn’t understand – what is the connection of more charity – with having more peace. At the Rosh HaShana Table – someone said – perhaps by you giving tzedaka / charity to a worthy person – they will have less financial stress and they will have peace at home. I heard that one of the main reasons for divorce or stress in the couple is financial concerns.

The Charity Dilemma

I thought and Hash-m enlightened me with an answer. My rebbe asked me a question – what is better – to give $1000 to one person or $1 to 1000 people? It’s better to do the latter. Giving $1 to a 1000 people trains you to be a giver.

Becoming a Givier

If a person gives tzedaka – he or she becomes a giver. One of the reasons for a lack of Shalom Bayit – peace at home is because we feel we have rights. We are due service. The man comes home – dinner is not ready the house is a mess.

The “taker” will say “Why is dinner not ready?” Why is the house such a mess?

The “giver” will take a broom and start cleaning up. He will go in the kitchen and ask if there is any way he can help.

Be a Giver.

The Hot Pot that Broke the Glass Table Cover – Calming Your Anger

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They just installed the glass cover on our table top. Looks nice. I see them install it. Coming home later that day, I see a big crack in the glass. What? The first day we get it?

All is for the Good

Gam zu leTova. Also this is for the good. Perhaps it was a Kapara – an atonement for a deed. This is the lesser bad of two options of atonement.

The Evil Eye

Some will say it is Ayin HaRa / the Evil Eye. If someone sees something and they admire or desire it – they might cause an eventual damage to that object. How? We explained it before – G-d listens to the prayers of people. He also hears the heart of people. If someone wants something that you have – Hash-m pulls out the books of deeds of both people – He judges between them and if the one that lacks the object is more worthy or the one that has the object is unworthy – something happens to the object. Was it Ayin HaRa? Perhaps.

The Hot Pot

I find out someone – it doesn’t matter who – happened to put a very hot pot onto the glass. The tension caused by the heat in the glass caused it to break.

The Physics – A Free Physics Lesson

Heat causes objects to expand. Cold causes things to contract. If one places a Hot object on the glass – the glass heat is expanding the glass. The molecules in the cooler area around it is remaining stable. The expanding area is restrained by the cooler area and it breaks the glass.

A Lesson For Us – Don’t Get Heated Up

We sometimes get into a heated argument. The extreme heat breaks the relationship. It wasn’t worth it for a small matter to break the relationship. How important is the matter to you? Is it important enough to break the relationship? Decide it before the heat breaks the glass. Cool yourself down – don’t add heat to the fire. You won’t have to pay another $250 to replace the glass again or pay for a broken relationship that you will have to rebuild.

4 Types of Temperaments

In Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers 5:11 it says – There are 4 types of people – one gets angry quickly and calms down quickly. One who gets angry slowly and calms down slowly. One who gets angry quickly and takes much time to appease. One who gets angry slowly and is appeased easily. Let’s make efforts to be like the latter.

Rehearse Reaction to Situations that Anger

How? Rehearse in your mind how to react to particular things that anger you. And how to react in general. Count to 10 before you react. Take a glass of water before reacting. Act don’t react. Control Yourself – don’t let anger control you.

 

The Faster Computer – Is the Grass Greener on the Other Side of the CPU

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I won the auction. The computer’s chip was twice as fast as mine. It had twice the memory. It had a powerful graphics card. Wow.

I bring it home and turn it on. The fan spins a bit then stops. My uncle who sees it says to replace the computer motherboard. So I say ok – let me use some of the parts. The memory does not fit my old computer. The chip also. At least the graphics card will work in my computer. I test it and find my graphics card to be faster.

Yes – I saw glory. A faster computer. But it just ended up as a waste of time.

OK. So what can I learn? Sometimes we covet something that belongs to someone else. We think – If I have it, I will be happy. It turns out that your own situation is better than what you imagined.

In Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers 4:1 it says “Who is the rich person – the one who is happy with what he has.”

It also says in Pirkei Avot 2:7 “The more possessions – more worries.”

OK. I’ll be happy with my good old Dell Desktop computer.

The Artist & the Ghost Bicycle – Jewish Burial Rites

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Not long ago, a young promising artist was riding a bicycle. In the intersection, came a speeding truck. They met their tragic end. I did not know the person – but I felt very badly for them. I was further dismayed when I learned that the family – not versed in the laws in Judaism – seemingly decided to cremate their body. I knew other families that did the same thing.

Burial vs. Cremation Pamphlet

The other day I was at a funeral of a family friend. At the funeral I picked up a pamphlet by Author Doron Kornbluth entitled “Cremation vs. Burial – A Jewish View.” Among his works, he has a book named the same. It talked about Jewish and secular reasons for burial – like how cremation pollutes the environment.

Our Body Belongs to G-d

Just recently, I was eating breakfast at the synagogue. A man – a car salesman – asked “Rabbi, What does Judaism say about cremation?” I told him that the Torah prohibits cremation. The body of a person is not our property – it belongs to G-d. We use it – but we cannot deface it – like making self inflicted wounds, scars or tattoos. Apparently the verse that prohibits cremation is “From dust (earth) you came and to dust (earth) you shall return.” (Bereshit / Genesis 3:19)

Respect the Person’s Body

He said to me “Yea, I always thought that. It seems like a disrespect to G-d – kind of throwing the body He gave us into the face.” I told him it is a tremendous disrespect for the person themselves as well. In cremation – they crush the bones and burn it at a temperature of 1800 degrees.

Respect the Artist’s Work

It clicked to me. “That’s a very good point you said.” I thought back to the artist who was cremated. Imagine if the mother decided to burn her child’s art. It would be a disrespect for the work of the artist and the artist themself.

I gave him the pamphlet to read.

The Torah says “Hash-m is the greatest artist.” Giving a Jew a proper burial is to respect His creation and His creations.

The Man Who Stole the Ghost Bicycle

Once we were riding in the car. Someone pointed out to me – “Look someone stole that white bicycle.” I thought it was a bit amusing. A last respect memorial to a person is stolen by a thief. Apparently, it was so audacious, I was amused. It was a bit like defacing a memorial to a person or people. The body itself intact is the best memorial of a person – burning it is tantamount to, or much worse than defacing a memorial.

A Last Act of Respect to the Person

Many other reasons exist against cremation. Judaism says respect the person alive and when they pass on. Respect them, respect their body and let the soul rest in peace.

“The American Dream” – Will it Really Make You Happy? or Two Things that Really Make You Happy

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Does American Dream Bring Happiness?

We were discussing “The American Dream” – Buy a House, a Car and Live there with Family – at the Shabbat Table. Sounds attractive. It’s good to have a house. It’s good to have a car. It’s good to have a family. Will they make you happy?

What You Do with What You Have Makes You Happy

Perhaps. But we mentioned previously that it is not necessarily what you have that makes you happy – it is what you do with what you have that gives you satisfaction. If someone does acts of kindness with their car – carpool, drives kids to pick apples or peaches, drives an old woman to do shopping – the kindness makes you happy – not owning the car or the house.

The Secret to True Happiness / Your Soul is the Source of Your Satisfaction

Why? Because we are in essence a soul that seeks a relationship with the creator – Hash-m. The soul wants to do the will of G-d. When we do – we become closer to him – that gives our soul satisfaction.

Simple.

Dwelling in Israel Makes You Happy

In Last week’s Parasha / Weekly Torah Reading – Ki Tavo it says “VeHaya Ki Tavo El Haaretz”. “Behold when you come to the Land.” In Hebrew grammar there is a Vav HaHipuch. The letter Vav in front of a word – usually means “and”. Sometimes the Vav changes the past to the future. Haya – means “it was” (past) – VeHaya means “it will be” (future). The word Vehaya starting a verse – usually refers to happiness. Why Because we want the past to be in the future – that’s when one is happy. When will someone be Happy – ki tavo el haaretz / when you go to the land – Israel. When a person settles in the land of Israel – they attain a higher level of happiness.

The Soul’s Connection to Israel – Connecting to Happiness

Why? One reason is Apparently because souls come through Israel before entering the body. So when a person goes to Israel – the soul feels a connection to its place of origin. Also Israel is a holy place – the soul feels comfortable in a place of holiness. There are other reasons as well.

Torah Study Makes You Happy

Further in the Parasha it says : “And you will rejoice with all the Good that G-d gave you …” Some Commentators – like the Baal Haturim explains that the word HaTov / the good refers to Torah. The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh – says that if a person would know the satisfaction of learning Torah –  he would become astounded to the sweetness it brings. Torah Study makes you happy. We can understand the reason being similar to the reason above. Torah gives the soul spiritual satisfaction and a closer connection to Hash-m.

New Rules in Baseball – How to Choose a Way of Life

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I told someone I can throw a curve-ball that goes from one corner of the room to another corner. I did it. I threw the ball – spinning it with two hands – it hit the floor and went to the other corner.

I continued – perhaps baseball should change the rules and allow any kind of ball you choose to be used – a tennis ball, a soccer ball, a basket ball, a rubber ball. Perhaps also the bats can be changed – you can use a broom, a stick ball bat, an aluminum bat, a pipe. Perhaps for gloves – use plastic bags. Instead of bases – they could have a pit that you must jump over.

Sounds fun? Perhaps – but it’s no longer baseball. Call it what you want – but it is not baseball. Take a tomato soup – remove from the ingredients – tomatoes, paprika, salt, pepper. It’s no longer soup it’s water.

In the past many people chose the Torah or Judaism as a way of life and followed it. Yet many said let’s choose Torah as a way of life but they say – let’s change this law. Let’s add this law. Let’s remove this law.

Sound’s fun? Perhaps – but it is no longer Judaism.

Many Jewish people say they followed Judaism – but they cooled down. Why? Perhaps they weren’t following Judaism – they were following a watered down dish that people called Judaism.

The Torah is the Only Divinely given document that was given to entire nation of millions of people.

G-d looked into the Torah and created the world. The Torah is the blueprint of the world. To change the laws of G-d – is like changing the rules of baseball. But human rules are susceptible to change – G-d’s laws are not. G-d is Omniscient, Omnipotent, and Immutable. We may make errors – He does not.

Choosing authentic Judaism is the proper way to follow the way of G-d.

 

Gratitude to the One Who Gives

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This week’s parasha – Ki Tavo – talks of the first fruits / Bikurim. Farmers bring the first fruits that blossom – of the 7 species special to Eretz Yisrael / the Land of Israel – to the Beit HaMikdash / the Holy Temple in Yerushalayim / Jerusalem.

He says a text and he gives the fruits to the Cohen. The rich people who would bring fancy baskets of gold and silver – the Cohen would return the basket. Yet the Cohen would not return the baskets – made of reeds – of the poor people. Why?

  1. The poor people worked hard to make the basket – Hash-m appreciates the hard work of the common man for a Mitzvah.
  2. The poor people – may have put the best fruits on top and the lesser quality fruits on the bottom – thus we didn’t want to embarrass him by taking out the fruits.
  3. The Cohen was sending a message that I’ll take this basket – so that, with the help of G-d – you will return next year with a gold basket.

The Mitzvah of first fruits is to show that all that we have we owe our first and foremost gratitude to Hash-m. We also do the redemption of first born boys and first born animals showing our gratitude that all we have is a Gift from G-d.

It’s Good – Yes – It’s Good

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G-d is kind. He is our parent. The parent wants the best for the Child & Hash-m wants the best for the child. You are Hash-m’s child.

Though at times it is hard to believe everything is for the good – everything is for the good.

Nachum Ish Gamzu – used to say “Gam Zu Letova” – also this is for the good.

Rabbi Akiva used to say “Kol DeAvid Rachmana leTav Avid” All that the Merciful One (Hash-m) does He does for the best.”

What is the difference between the two statements? One is a higher level than the other. I forgot which is higher – but Nachum ish Gamzu was the Rebbe / Rabbi of Rabbi Akiva – so I would expect that Nachum’s statement was a higher level.

I looked it up and found this on a website:

Gam Zu Letova verses Letav Avdin: [1]

The Gemara [2] states that every person is to accustom himself to recite “Kol Mah Deavdin Min Shemaya Letav Avdin/Whatever is done from Heaven is done for the good”, as was seen with the story with Rebbe Akiva.  Elesewhere, the Gemara [3] states that Nachum Ish Gam Zu would say Gam Zu Letova. What is the difference between these two statements? The explanation is as follows: Every punishment or act of suffering has an aspect of Chesed [/ Kindness] in its root. A person who finds this Chesed ends up sweetening the Gevuros [/ Aspect of Strict Justice], and immediately turns the the severity to kindness. This was the level of Nachum Ish Gamzu. One however who does not know the aspect of Chesed contained within the severity is to say the previous statement.

[1] Keser Shem Tov 33 / [2] Brachos 60b / [3] Taanis 21a

We know the stories – once a King or Emperor asked a gift from countries he ruled. The Jews from Israel sent a box full of jewelry, gold and precious  gems. They sent Nachum Ish Gamzu to bring it to the Emperor. He slept at an Inn. The inn keeper – sneaked into his room and took the jewelry and filled the box with sand. When Nachum got to the king – he found that the treasure chest was filled with sand. Nachum said “Gam Zu LeTova” – also this is for the good. Someone told the king – perhaps this is the same sand that Avraham Avinu / Abraham used to fight the war against the 5 kings. The king had a country he was trying to conquer – he tried the sand. When thrown, the sand turned into arrows and he defeated his enemy. The King richly rewarded the Jews for the gift.

Once Rabbi Akiva wanted to sleep at a town. No one let him stay over their house. He said “All the merciful one does is for the good.” He slept in the forest. He had a candle to read, a donkey to travel, and a rooster to wake him. The candle blew out. The donkey was killed by a lion. The rooster was killed by an animal. He said “What Hash-m does is for the Good”. The next day he went to the village and found that it was ransacked and pillaged by brigands. The townspeople were taken captive.

If he had stayed there – he would have been taken captive as well.

Find the good in every situation.

 

Composing Yourself at Stop Signs

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You are in a rush. You’re traveling down the big boulevard – encountering a series of non-synchronized stoplights.

You now consider the Yellow light to mean – “speed up” instead of “slow down”.  Not prudent – but you are late.

The stop lights in life allow us to recompose our thoughts. We may treat it as a minor annoyance – but stopping in traffic or in an elevator gives us opportunities to calm down – to think of new plans – to call in to the office to say we are running late. Perhaps we hit a snag in life – it may be a message – to rethink your attitude towards the situation.

Don’t lose your composure based on the situation. Hash-m wants us to be in control – not the situation to control us.

It is not worth it to arrive 5 minutes earlier if it entails endangering people.

Use these moments to rethink the situation – perhaps G-d wants you to stop and think.

The Message in the Hebrew Language

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Hebrew is the language of creation. With combinations of hebrew letters Hash-m created the world. Hebrew is the mother of all languages. For instance – the word fruit – comes from the Hebrew word “Perot”. The Hebrew letter Peh can also have a sound of “F”. In English – add an “H” after a “P” and it makes the “F” sound – similar to Hebrew.

It is interesting that a scientist developed a program that by saying a particular Hebrew letter – the sound pattern that it makes translated into a graph will form a similar image to the letter.

In another post we wrote of the origin and message of the English language – yes – it was created by Jewish people. Now we present the Message in the Hebrew language.

We learn in Talmud : Tractate Shabbat 104a

Alef beit means learn [elaf] the wisdom [bina] of the Torah.
Gimmel dalet means give to the poor [gemol dalim]. Why is the leg of the gimmel extended toward the dalet? Because it is the manner of one who bestows loving-kindness to pursue the poor.

It continues and tells us how a person is to act.

An Interesting Article that also discusses the topic is at a site for Stam – Sefer Torah, Tefillin, and Mezuzot