Rabbi Mica’el Shushan, הרב מיכאל שושן – has a series on shalom bayit / peace at home. [In program 52] He quotes the pasuk – “The end of his act – is in his thought in the beginning” – The verse – means that what Hashem intended from the beginning happened at the end. He gave another interpretation – the end of your act you should consider from the beginning.
He gave an example: Let’s say a man comes home and takes off his shoes. He sits down to eat. His wife comes in “What are you doing?! You know how much I hate when you don’t put away your shoes?! You can’t make a small act to put them away?!” She thinks he’s going to change with her tirade. Really he is not. What will happen?
Excuse the comparison – but a scientist did an experiment. Every time he would feed a dog – he would ring a bell before. After some time – when he would just ring the bell – the dog would start salivating. It became a physical reaction.
When one spouse or parent starts nagging. The person on the receiving end will start associating the nagging voice with negativity and thus have a physical reaction to ignore the the nagger. The voice of that person will trigger ignoring – even when they speak positively.
The talking person should consider what message the sound of their voice provokes. They should consider what works with the other person and do what works.
It’s an oxymoron – mercy killing. If there is mercy – how can there be killing and if there is killing how can there be mercy. When a life & death question occurs – Torah Jews don’t rely on their own opinion. They consult a Torah versed Orthodox competent rabbi. They present the case – and he will provide the ethical answer according to the will of G-d. G-d gave us the Torah. In the Torah – it contains the reasoning to answer any ethical question.
Recently – a question of euthanasia arose – Could one disconnect a person from life support? I asked a competent rabbi. He said no – it is killing.
Once a person is on life support – usually one cannot disconnect them – if it is going to surely result in their death. Obviously each case is different and each must be asked to a competent Orthodox rabbi.
In dealing with such a situation – I learned of an organization that answers such end of life questions according to Torah Halacha / Jewish law. It is called Chaim Aruchim / Long Life.
They not only will provide answers but also intervene on the family’s behalf with the hospital to assure that the halacha is fulfilled.
Hospital’s “ethics” do not necessarily correspond with Torah law. Doctor’s mix their feelings and opinions into treating the patient. Once a Doctor was treating the husband of someone I know. He expressed how much time he expected the patient to live. She responded “You treat the patient. G-d will decide how long he will live.”
There are three things that must be provided by the hospital to the patient:
Nutrition
Oxygen
Hydration
If they withdraw or refuse one of the above – it may be considered killing.
Things to avoid – Apnea test. It is a test to see if the patient’s brain is working. It is not necessarily accurate. In Torah law a person is alive as long as the heart is beating.
If one does pull the plug of a live person or gives the authorization against the disapproval of the halachic authorities – it may be considered killing according to Torah law.
Once a person was on life support. A doctor came by and felt badly for him. He unplugged him. The patient died. The man he killed came back to him in a dream and said “Why did you kill me? I had some more time to survive in this condition and my sins would have been atoned for on earth. Now he would suffer because he didn’t have that reparation in this world due to the Doctor’s precipitation of his death. Shaken, the Doctor did Teshuva / repented and it served as a merit for the patient he killed.
Suffering is not the worst thing in life. There are worse things – like living with out purpose and without doing good. The Torah provides the means to find purpose and maximize your doing good for yourself and others.
It was a prize from the Pet Show raffle. He came home not only with his knapsack that day – but with a small bird cage – bird and all. OK – we decided to keep it. I figured – oh no – I don’t like to take care of pets because if you are a bit careless – you might find a fish floating on top of the water after about a week.
Taking Care of the Bird
It wasn’t my first pet. We got it so I might as well take care of it. Perhaps there was a mitzvah the pet could help me to do? Like feeding it before I eat. I took care of it. I fed it. I gave it to drink. I showered it & cage with a hose. Rarely did I take it out of the cage. I was concerned it would fly away and I would be able to get it back in its cage.
Bird Babysitter – Stress and Animals
Once I left it to a friend to bird sit. His family liked the bird. Some time later I was informed that the bird died. I was saddened but a bit relieved that I was relieved of my duties as bird caretaker. I had theories that it had died because of stress in the house or old age. They offered to buy us a new bird – but I politely refused.
Prohibition of Pain to Animals
We have a Mitzvah not to cause pain to animals – it’s called Tzaar Balei Chaim. So I had to treat it nicely. Once a rabbi shooed away a lamb seeking refuge under his garment – ans since it was an act that was not to his stature – he was stricken with a toothache for 13 years. Taking care of animals is a responsibility towards the animal and towards the surroundings.
Don’t aDopt Dangerous Dog
A dangerous dog is forbidden to have as a pet it might hurt people. I heard of stores of pet dogs attacking children when parents weren’t home. Dogs also bark. Their bark can cause a woman to miscarry if she is startled of fear.
Yes – I know pet lovers will say – my dog is so kind. Still one must to be concerned about the points mentioned above. There are stories about dogs saving a person’s life in the Torah. Yes I know that dogs are called a man’s best friend.
Essence of a Dog
The word for dog in Hebrew is KELEV. Kaf-Lamed-Vet. Adam – the first man- gave the animals their Hebrew name based upon their nature. Adam called this animal KELEV because it is KULO LEV (All Heart). Someone gave me an interesting possible reason of why a dogs are able to connect with humans more than others. A dog has more hutzpa / audacity than other animals. This audacity makes it think it is on the level of a human. Other animals are not so brazen and they recognize they are inferior to humans. The preferred animal as a pet in the US is a dog. Interesting theory.
Of Pets & Having Children
A couple who lacks children should consult a competent Orthodox rabbi whether it is worthwhile to have a dog. A dog may serve as a comfort for people without children. This comfort may cause them to relinquish praying with all their heart to Hashem to help them bear children. Perhaps not having the dog would cause them to daven / pray with more fervor. This intensified prayer could open the heavens for their prayers to be answered.
Search for Satisfaction that is Productive
Once someone who had difficulty bearing children asked a rabbi what he could do to bear children after being childless of years. He asked the man – Is there anything that gives you satisfaction. He replied yes – my business. He told him to reduce his business dealings. He did so – and a short time later he bore children. Apparently a person is supposed to get a certain amount of satisfaction and pain during the year. He was deriving all his satisfaction from his business and that was eating up what was due to him in satisfaction. When he relinquished it from the business, Hash-m gave him the satisfaction from the children.
Do Animals Communicate
It was known that Shlomo Hamelekh / King Solomon wisdom allowed him to speak with animals. Apparently they have feelings also – as illustrated in a story between Shlomo and a bird boasting to its wife that it could destroy the castle of Shlomo to his wife.
The Curse of the Birds
Recently I heard that there are animals in Heaven – by a Rabbi Meyer Eliyahu (shiur in Hebrew). I also heard recently about birds that cursed their master. Someone was convicted of a crime. The Man asked a Mekubal – a Rabbi that is well versed in Kabbala / Jewish Mysticism – why he was convicted of a crime. The Mekubal answered that His Birds cursed him. He told the rabbi he would get rid of the birds. He said the decree was already decided in heaven.
Were the birds at least partially responsible for his sentence? I don’t know. Should you avoid birds as pets? You decide.
Fish, however, I heard are good pets to have because they have a good eye. They were not corrupted by the flood of Noah.
At a wedding, a family member told me of some insulting comments towards Jews by some musician. I forgot his name.
He said it was important to let people know that Jews are good and to rebuff the Anti-semetic rhetoretic spewed by those Anti-semetic people.
So I told him that when you want to solve a problem, you try to find solutions to the root causes of the problem, rather than the symptoms. The Anti-semetic rhetoretic is a symptom. Apparently by trying to prove that the rhetoric they say is not true, you give credibility to their argument. You give their voice credibility.
Why does the Good G-d allow Antisemetic acts? To awaken Jews to remind them that they are Jews. So Let’s Awaken. A good article on the subject is : on Aish.com – named Dear Antisemites, Thank You
If G-d is sending us a personal message – I would like to tune in.
What are Ethics.
I was thinking – who does ethics belong to? Really – it’s Hash-m’s world – so it is not for me to say what is right or wrong. It’s for me to understand what G-d wants from me. For me to posit my opinions of what is right or wrong – in contradiction to what G-d said – is nothing more than impudence. A king declares that you cannot steal in his country – and a minister says you can steal – that is impudence.
Torah Judaism is the only religion that had over 3 million witnesses who saw thunder and lightning and heard G-d speak at Mount Sinai – when the Jewish people with Moshe Rabbeinu (Moses) received the Torah after leaving Egypt. Thus – before deciding if something is ethical or not – consult the Book of Ethics – the Torah or ask you local orthodox rabbi.
He has to catch the bus to work. his wife nags him – ”Why do you leave your bed unmade? Please Make your bed before you leave and pick up your clothes.” Reluctantly, the husband goes and does so, thinking ,,”ok I’ll be late 5 minutes. Better that than getting into an argument and be late half an hour.”
A man thinks – why is she nagging me? But really a wife is a reflection of her husband. Rabbi Meir Eliyahu said that the way a woman acts with her husband reflects the relation he has with Hashem. If she is makes dinner late – perhaps he comes to synagogue late.
In parasha Vayera Hashem asks Abraham, why did Sarah (his wife) laugh when she heard that she will have a baby at the age of 90. G-d reproched her lack of belief. Some commentators explain that Hashem wasn’t reproching Sarah’s conduct but Abraham’s level of belief because his wife’s attitude was a reflection on Abraham. Perhaps he had a slight imperfection in his belief. Perhaps he should have instilled in her or taught her more emuna – belief in Hashem.
So when one’s wife says something – it may be Hashem is sending him a message that he has to improve in a particular domain. Like cleanliness is next to godliness.
I like statistics. Provided they are true, they help you decide more or less in an unbiased way.
I can drum up many statistics about TV. But I won’t.
Waiting for a minyan at our neighborhood synagogue I asked myself, why some people avoid the synagogue? I thought – in previous decades the synagogues were full.
What happened?
What happened? Before the center of one’s family life was the family and the synagogue. The synagogues and the Mitzvot allowed a family to connect in a positive, wholesome way.
The yetzer hara – evil inclination – said I’ll take care of that. I will replace the center of one’s family life with electronic media.
Today, walk into the average home – and the center of their life is centered around the TV.
Those who realize this will choose family over the screen. The synagogue over the social media.
In many Orthodox Jewish homes the TV is absent but family connection is not. They center around the coffee table to connect rather than having a screen that serves as an intermediary between them .
I wish I knew that 10 years ago. I wish I has the foresight. We don’t see the the issue until we are faced with the situation.
OK. A course in foresight.
Take a situation. Like:
I am searching for a job. I am offered a job today. Should I take it? Fast forward 10 years in your mind. Now imagine you are 10 years older and still looking for a job. Do you regret the job you didn’t take 10 years ago (which is actually today)?
There are other methods of foresight – like listening to advice on your issue after asking a reputable Orthodox rabbi.
Doing Mitzvot also helps. Following Torah allows a person to structure their life and make good life decisions.
Once a person in Mexico City, who recently had decided to observe Shabbat, had a good deal to sell his office building. The buyer wanted to continue negotiating close to the entrance of Shabbat. The seller said he must stop to prepare for Shabbat. The buyer relinquished the deal. The week after an earthquake shook Mexico City. Due to the many buildings damaged and his remaining intact, he was able to sell his building at substantially more than had he decided to desecrate Shabbat and go through with the first deal.
Hashem has foresight. Observing his Torah allows us to tap into it.
My friend Meyer was talking about happiness. He said a formula where a person can be mostly happy.
There is always a silver lining
I knew of the concept, but he brought is out clearer.
Givens:
We know Hash-m / G-d is good. G-d does good always.
Now if something happens that we think is bad – I hurt my ankle, someone yelled at me, someone called me a name – given the givens – we should not be saddened. We should make an effort to brainstorm why that could be actually good.
Someone I know was in a bus accident. They were hurt. They thought why did that happen – they were on the way to do a mitzvah. Afterwards the doctor proscribed time off from work – allowing them to take care of important business while being paid.
Technically one can be happy all the time. It’s a matter of understanding why what we think is bad is actually good. Looking at the silver lining in the cloud and putting our focus on the silver lining rather than the cloud – is the formula.
Having this attitude – one can be happy all the time.
Rosh Hashana is behind us. All Humanity of the world was judged- Jews and Gentiles. Hashem wrote his decrees. We hope all of us received a good verdict for the new year.
Hashem gives us many chances to rectify our misdeeds. Yom Kippur – the day of atonement – is when Hashem seals his verdict.
I was thinking about the concept of what happens. G-d has 3 books. The book for the righteous – who are written in the book of life. The book for the wicked – who are written in the book of death. The book for the average – that are hanging by their deeds.
A common expression to express that you want nothing to do with a particular person is “I wrote him off.” Meaning – I am cutting him off from any relationship. If you think of it, when Hashem writes someone in the book for the wicked – He basically writes them off.
Hashem acts with us middah Keneged middah, measure for measure. If we don’t write off people – God will not write us off. He will write us in the book of life. Some people write others off for hours, days, or life. Forgiving and forgetting is an admirable trait – whose repercussions can improve our daily life and give us long life. Once a rabbi was on his death bed. He was judged and in heaven – they added years to his life. Why? Because he never held a grudge- he always forgave people in his heart before going to sleep. [in the reading of the Keriat Shema on the bed.]
He forgave because he knew that any insult or suffering he endured was a message from Hashem due to his former deeds. The person who meted it out was just the messanger.
