A Kind Father
Imagine your father. You ask him for what you need – he will surely give it to you if he has the means.

G-d always has the means. He is your Father in Heaven.

In life, one encounters :

Times of smooth sailing – where everything goes your way.

Times where you steam ahead – advancing, spiritually and materially.

Times of rocky waters or where the tide pushes you backwards.

All are good.

Why?

As Hash-m is the essence of all good, only good emanates from Him. All good in the world emanates from Him.

Why Bad things Happen to Good People

But how could it be, that it is always good?

Joseph lost his job. Jonathan lost money in the Stock Market. Solomon lost a shidduch / match.

G-d not only determines what you should receive but when. After viewing the past, present and future, He determines whether receiving it is good for you at this point in time. A greater perspective than ours, of just several years.

If making money will distance you from Him – perhaps now is not the time for that raise. Perhaps that match was not the right one for you. Maybe losing in the NASDAQ gave you motivation to reflect on the proper perspective in life. Perhaps the loss of the Job will encourage one to pray with more fervor, take upon new Mitzvahs and find a better Job and a happier medium.

Proper Prayer

As G-d has the perfect perspective, it follows that some prayers allow for His input. Prayer is such, that if you pray enough for something, you will receive it – even though it is not in your best interest. Rather than pray:

“Oh G-d please help me to marry David Cohen.”

Perhaps he is not a suitable match for you.

A more intelligent way to pray is:

“Oh G-d please help me to marry the best person suited for me. May he have good qualities, like generosity, kindness, being affable, having a good heart and good Torah values that we will be able live with closeness to you and to raise children in the way that you would be proud of.”

Steering the Ship and the Situation

When we encounter a challenge – it is not time to shut down.

Our job is to steer the ship.

G-d wants us to steer the ship in the way that will bring out the best in us and the best for the world – thus we have challenges, deceptions and triumphs.

Our means to steer include prayer, faith in G-d’s goodness, belief in his ability and willingness to give it to us and a solid effort – materially and to advance spiritually.

Does Every Cloud Have a Silver Lining?

Once a person was riding a motorcycle around a winding mountain road. Suddenly a truck came in the opposite direction. He veared off the road, off a high cliff. Letting his motorcycle tumble down and crash, he was able to grab a branch and remain there until help arrived. Proud about his personal miracle the rider boasted to the Rabbi – Rabbi Noach Weinberg – of Aish HaTorah in the Old City. Rav Noach replied “Who do you think put the truck in your path?”

Some live day to day with cute Aphorisms (look it up 🙂 – I had to too) like:

“Every Cloud has a Silver Lining”

According to Torah it is not that there is a challenging situation and then there is a bit of good that comes out of it. The Torah’s perspective is that cloud was made for the silver lining.

The person who reflects upon past challenges will see that it is true.

The reflective person will take the challenge and milk it for all the lessons and guidance that it provides to become a better person according to Torah. Like when you get a flat tire. Or for example – that cliff hanger – that went to see the Rabbi for meaning when he was saved from danger.

Use the lessons and your ability to overcome past challenges to give you strength for the current ones.

The challenge is not to see whether a situation will turn out for the good – for it will surely come out good – the challenge is have enough patience and faith to see the good come to fruition.

The Proper Path

Sometimes we are in doubt what is the right path to choose.

Keep in mind with Mitzvot you never lose.

As Hash-m is overflowing with kindness – His work – the Torah – also overflows with kindness. He wrote it such that the best path to choose in all situations will be the Mitzvot.

All the Mitzvot that G-d gives us are for our Good – and that we more closely adhere to them is the purpose of the challenge.

A businessman was having trouble selling a building in Mexico City. The week he decided to start observing the Sabbath – someone wanted to purchase the building. Approaching the time of Shabbat on Friday afternoon, the businessman stopped his negotiations to be able to properly prepare for Shabbat. “We’ll continue negotiations next week.” he said. The next week – the man did not return to the negotiating table. That week there was a earthquake in Mexico City. Many buildings were demolished. His remained. Demand and the price of his building increased substantially. His decision to observe the Shabbat helped him financially and spiritually.

Encountering challenges, some just write them off as coincidence or ignore them – emerging no better or worse from the lesson. A Lost opportunity.

Some want to reinvent the wheel.

Some want to ride the waves.

What can we learn?

Have a positive perspective – Feel good about yourself and the future. Believe in yourself. Put in your prayers and effort. Have faith in the one who said “Let There be Light” and you will see soon see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The past has passed; the future is not yet; the present is a fleeting moment. So why worry?
– Avraham Ibn Ezra, 11th Century Torah Scholar, Jewish Philosopher and Poet

“The goodness of Hash-m is such that ingrained in the nature of the world is : doing kindness brings good to the world and eventually it comes back to you.”

In Europe, before World War II, a young Torah scholar – I believe it was the Steipler Gaon, Rabbi Yaakov Kanievsky – saw a sefer (Torah Book) that he was interested in purchasing. He wrote to the author to ask if he could purchase it at a discounted price. The author graciously sent him a free copy.

After the war, when many Jews immigrated to Israel, they wanted to reprint the sefer. They could not find a copy from which to reprint. The Steipler Gaon let the publishers know that he had an original copy. They reprinted the sefer from the book that was given as a gift to the Steipler by the author.

King Solomon, the wisest of all men said it (in Kohelet 11:1) “Send your bread upon the waters and in many days you will find it”

I have a cousin. A successful business man now. His name is Alain.

Once when he was young lad, like most of us, he did something not to his father’s liking. His father was ready to punish him. He said to his father – “There is no need to punish me, I already learned my lesson.” His father smiled and and let him alone.

Parents punish for many reasons. Some to vent their frustration. Others to teach a life lesson to the child. Some both.

G-d sends messages to us to correct us to become a better person. Sometime it comes in the form of making a windfall – so that we can give charity to those in need. Or by giving a child to a person – so that they send their child to a Torah school – and can forge a healthy relationship together through the guidance of the Torah. Or by sending a rebuke – so that one can reflect on the past to correct an incorrect behavior on their part. The goal is to teach a person to better themselves.

Whether it seems to be kindness or rebuke – it is all for the good of the person. Thus G-d does only good – even if it does not seem so at times.

Like when you get a flat tire.

The other night, driving in the fast lane, thinking about other things than the road, I sped over a large indentation. I heard the hard slamming of the tire into the pavement. The car started vearing to the left. I recognized that the tire was out. I slowly continued until I reached a place of safety to fix the flat. By the time I got there, the tire was torn to disrepair.

Was it just a coincidence or was it divinely guided? If it is coincidence, then the incident has no significance whatsoever. I can’t learn anything to improve myself from it – only next time I should be more careful to avoid potholes.

But if it was divinely guided, then the incident has significance to me personally to help me improve myself. From it, I can learn something that applies to me. From it, I know that there is “Someone” watching me from above who cares about my actions. It makes for a life of more purpose.

Judaism says that no incident occurs without divine intervention.

So the question I asked: I am basically a nice guy. Why did this flat have to happen to me?

I reflected on what happened during the day. Then I found the possible source.

Earlier that night, I was eager to get home from teaching. A friend asked me to drop him off not far from where I teach. “No Problem” I said. In the car he said “So you will wait for me to drop me off near my house?” My imagination took over – I thought – he will take like a half-an-hour to go shopping. “I am sorry I have to get home.” I answer coldly and sped off into the night.

It ends up that he took only about 5 minutes. He took the bus home. I could have had more patience. I didn’t. So, it is possible, that G-d wanted to teach me, to have more patience and concern for my fellow by giving me a flat tire. I came home much later than I would have had I waited the 5 minutes for my friend. I had to pay to replace the tire and I lost a Mitzvah of doing Kindness. All for a slight lack of patience.

After reflecting upon the incident, I felt badly I didn’t wait. I guess it was a good lesson. I hope the next time, I will be more patient and less callous – to think more of the needs and feelings of others.

We all have times where we miss the mark. If we regret the incident and repair the related lacking in our character traits – we don’t need to get a flat.

In any case it is prudent to have a spare tire. 🙂

I was at Shahrit / the morning prayer service today at the Beit Midrash / House of Study in my neighborhood. After after the Tefillah / prayer service the men learn Torah in a group. They were discussing the family of Yitzhak / Isaak and Yaakov / Jacob – The patriarchs. It was a calm but emotional discussion.

I realized that the Jews are part of one large family that begins with the Patriarchs – Abraham, Isaak and Jacob. Every Jew belongs to that family. Even the very distant. Converts have a Jewish soul and are considered the children of Abraham and Sarah.

Another reason to have peace among us.

Another reason to feel you belong.

G-d loves simple people. There is a certain comfort and purity of living a life of simplicity.

No one to impress with fancy cars or luxuries. One’s bank account has an average balance with 3 digits instead of 8. You have to save money to purchase certain high price goods – like those over $100. Money has value and people have value.

The values of people outweighs their net worth. It is not what you have but who you are that matters.

Enter the world of illusion – TV, the Big Screen, Super Heros and Sports Heros.

I recently overheard a conversation of some young kids.

It went something like :

“Do You have a Role Model?”

“Yes”

“My Role Model is Rocky Balboa. He is a boxer.”

“What?! Your aspirations are to hit people?”

“No. It is the guy who plays the boxer…. He acts so smooth and suave.”

“Maybe it is just an act? How do you know that he doesn’t get very angry and shout at people?”

“No. I saw him on many interviews….”

A Role model is someone you wish to emulate. Someone you wish your life would be like theirs.

The illusion of the world of glamour makes us imagine the good but disregard the bad.

So we buy the magazines, the styles, and follow the fads as if they were written the guidebook for life.

But let’s take a step back for a moment.

We also have good in our lives. Happy moments. Positive relations with family members and dear friends. Moments of enjoyment and triumph.

Then our imagination takes over. Like a Film Editor, it takes the jumbled scenes and splices the good of our life with the glamour of the star’s life – giving us a false impression that stardom is what I aspire to, that being a sports star is all glory no pain.

One may think: “The boss understands me so well. Why doesn’t my husband?” “That girl is so down to earth – she makes me feel good. What’s the difference if I marry out of my faith?” “That secretary is so well in control – not like my wife.” “That man in the novel is so romantic, I’ll wait to get married until I find someone similar.”

So the imagination takes you away from reality to make a beautiful ending. But the true ending is hidden. Hidden from you so that you just follow the waves of emotion – until the harsh reality wakes you up. Divorce after 20 years of marriage. Kids confused, lonely, sad spending one weekend with a different parent or grandparent. Staying single till old age.

There is the illusion.

Everyone has ups and downs. Each one has good points in their life to appreciate. But the imagination does not want you to see the downs of wealth. “Just look at the Glamour. Don’t look at the hard work and deceptions encountered to reach the top.” The time to study and practice hours upon hours hitting the tennis ball or baseball. The negative repercussions of following only after the heart.

The question we should ask ourselves is – is giving up the good that we already have in our lives worth it to receive the honor, recognition and wealth of others?

Most times a person will think and say “not really.”

You already have a head start in being happy. When we see the good in our lives by appreciating that which we have already – and work on improving life and appreciating others – it makes for a life of satisfaction.

A simple life with authenticity is greater than one of glamour and illusion.

A simple message from the Torah.

I have an old Dell laptop. Fast for it’s day. But it’s day was about 5 years ago. Today the fast microchips are about 12 times faster than that in my laptop. It has scratches. It crashed – so I replaced it with a Linux Operating System called Fedora.

It is a bit beat up, but I still enjoy using it.

My car is the same – a bit beat up – but I still enjoy it.

Many a time one enjoys an object until the next model comes out. Then the novelty wears off.

So, people play the “keep up with the Jones” game. He has 2014 model, I must get the 2015 updated version. They continue until the end.

Even worse they do the same with their spouse – “time to get a newer model.”

So what? Just stay with that old phone till it breaks?

No. The Torah wants a person to enjoy their belongings and their lives. It doesn’t want a person to play the keep up with the Jones game. That is living for and giving control of your life in the hands of others.

The Torah says “Jealousy, Honor [seeking] and Desire – take a person out of the World” (Pirkei Avot) One possible explanation is because you make your happiness dependent upon others. You should be in control of your own happiness. The Torah says- you control if you are happy or not.

So how can one prolong enjoyment of their old jalopy or old laptop?

Use it for spirituality. Type Torah Texts. Send Get Well Soon Emails. Use Your creative Talents for Judaism. Renew yourself and Renew your tools.

But the same applies to renewing relationships. After a person is married, the humdrum of everyday life seeps in. Sometimes husband and wives and families live lives in their own cocoon – not sharing experiences or joy together. Each one in their own room with their own computer screen or TV. Who are those people who pass me in the hall? Oh yeah it is my family!

When one experiences spirituality – in combination with other activities – with family a greater bond is formed. When one spends time at the Shabbat table with the family – we bond. We share experiences, life, Torah, questions, songs, ideas, and of course delicious food.

Learning together with a son or a daughter allows you to hear what they have to say – what their opinions and views are – and helps them to blossom into greater individuals. Many books are available in English or practically any language you want – on Torah topics.

Apparently this is one reason why – Avot UBanim – is such a popular Program. Avot Ubanim is when father’s learn Torah together with their sons. The sons receive door prizes, refreshments and a chance to win in a raffle. Father’s and sons bond. It is more appealing that a watching football game because – in the game both father and sons are spectators. In Father and son learning there is a healthy interaction – and sharing of ideas – between father and son through the medium of learning Torah.

Or when a mother makes cookies or fresh Challah – bread – before Shabbat for the Shabbat Queen. It is a time to bond. Preparing for Shabbat is one opportunity to forge relationships.

Sharing spirituality is one way to renew relationships. The Torah outlook is that one should spend quality time daily with each member of the family.

This is what life is made of.

I recently overheard someone saying if you invested in $1000 in Apple Computer 20 years ago you would be a millionaire today.

How important it is to make long term investments. The Torah teaches that our sights should be on long term gains.

At times we seek immediate gratification. After we will pay, but today we can’t resist.

The credit card is a good example. We buy it today, but end up paying three times the price of the object. Thank G-d, we recently paid our credit cards off. Now we just throw out the offers they send. You can’t imagine how satisfying it is – not to receive a credit card bill with 25% interest payments and some nice penalty payments to boot.

Or not going on the eating or drinking binge.

The little victories in life give us satisfaction.

Some overlook the long term gains of Mitzvahs.

Not intentionally. It just doesn’t enter their mind.

Observing Shabbat takes effort. It may easier to go shopping or watch football. But what comes from it? Peace of mind and tranquility – better family relations.

Or it might be easier to spend on excessive luxuries – than to give to charity. But Torah charity brings better fruits in the end. You helped a needy family to survive hard times.

Before you take a bite – ask if it is kosher. It might taste good – but you also want it to be good for your soul.

Before marriage – ask yourself if your prospective mate is ideal for helping you reach your and your families potential. Is it worth it – because of love or infatuation – to overlook the long-term spiritual satisfaction of the family? Before marriage the Torah outlook is to inquire about a potential mate’s values, outlook regarding Judaism, desire for growth, stability, good heartedness and good character traits. Love will eventually come. Love before inquiry leads to disappointment many times – it is putting the carriage before the horse.

Ask if it is true before you subscribe to a way of life. Don’t subscribe and then ask if it is true.

I used to be an avid TV watcher – not the level of being a couch potato – but up there. Yes – some programs were entertaining, but was it worth the opportunity cost of spending quality time with my family? I don’t know. Before choosing the tube over Torah study – ask what gain comes from each.

I had friends I loved.

They went their way. I went mine.

They became successful people financially and in their careers, because G-d blessed them for years that they worked hard.

I focused on learning Torah. Now I teach others.

Invest now for what you want to achieve.

Don’t feel badly that you didn’t invest that money in Apple. You can invest now in a worthwhile charity and get better long-term returns.

Once a rich man called up a fund raiser. He told him he had lost millions in the stock market. He proceeded to thank him for soliciting him for a major gift. He said that is the money that will remain with him in the next world.

A Mitzvah is eternal.

The world is guided by physical laws. It is one proof of the existence of G-d. Albert Einstein said “G-d does not play dice with the universe.”

There is plan and purpose in the Universe. Things do not happen at random.

Physics are laws governing physical objects – Throw something up – it will come down.

Biology is laws governing living things – White blood cells rush to repair damaged tissue.

Earth Science are laws governing the earth – Winds at different levels of the atmosphere come together from different directions create tornadoes.

There is a spiritual dimension that goes unperceived in life. Some may think that the world just acts with random acts.

Think again.

G-d runs the world with precision and exactitude.

G-d gave the power to man to shape the world – through the physical and the spiritual.

The world is also governed by other laws – spiritual laws – the spiritual dimension of the world.

One is known in the Torah as Midah Keneged Midah – “Measure for Measure.” Doing good causes good – doing bad causes bad.

Another is called Tephilla – “Prayer.” Prayer to Hash-m has the power to affect changes in the world.

The intensity and sincerity of the prayer will have an effect on the outcome. Pray for a good grade in the Math test and make the effort and it will bring fruits.

Measure for Measure works thus – Do good and it will come back to you. The same applies to doing bad. Be extra patient with someone – others will be patient with you. If one yells at a child and it is possible that soon after someone shout at them. I have observed this personally many times.

Being good – brings not only good to the world but good back to you.

Tzedaka is the word for Charity in Hebrew. It comes from the word “Justice” – tzedek. Through giving charities one makes the world more just. A poor person is given Tzedaka is allowed to support his family – that makes for a just world. Torah provides great bounty to the world. It is just for those who have gained from this abundance to give it back to the source of their blessing – Torah institutions.

Worthy charities abound. Even among the Jewish charities there are some that are more worthwhile to invest one’s money in than others. When one invests in supporting Torah, one not only helps to bring tremendous good to the world, but s/he builds their own world – their future world. The Torah is what helps make the world run.

The following is a list of Jewish Charities that provide Torah education to Jewish people of all backgrounds. The list is not exhaustive –

Yeshivas
Yeshiva Shor Yoshuv – A Yeshiva for Advanced and beginning Students in Torah Learning
Aish HaTorah – Educational Torah programs in Israel & the US
Ohr Somayach – Educational Torah programs in Israel & the US
Mir Yeshiva – A Top Yeshiva Program in Israel and the US
Rabbinical Seminary of America – A network of Torah institutions throughout the US and Israel
Yeshiva Primary – A Jewish Day School program for Students from Public schools
Mesivta Tiferet Torah – A Yeshiva in Queens
Yeshiva Mikdash Melech – Yeshiva geared to Sephardic Students in Queens and Israel
Yeshiva Or Haiim – In Queens for Students of all backgrounds
Yeshiva Ohr HaChaim – Yeshiva Program in Israel headed by Rabbi Reuven Elbaz
Beth Midrash Govoha – a Great Yeshiva in Lakewood founded by Rabbi Aharon Kotler

Jewish After School Programs
Ohr Binyamin – Creates Hebrew School programs for children in Jewish Schools and in Public schools to educate them in Mitzvot Observance
Jewish Education Program of Long Island – Jewish After School Program for Public School Children
Jewish Education Program of Queens – Jewish After School Program for Public School Children
Jewish Education Program of Brooklyn – Jewish After School Program for Public School Children
Jewish Education Program of Westchester – Jewish Outreach Program in Westchester

Outreach Organizations
Ohr Binyamin – Gives away free Torah materials to help any Jew observe Torah easily
Hitdabroot – An organization that teaches Torah via TV and other media
Aish HaTorah – Has Centers Around the US and World to Teach Torah
The Shabbos Project – a project to teach and help Jewish people to observe Shabbat in it’s entirety together in South African
Chazaq – an organization dedicated to teach Torah in the greater Queens community

Jewish Day Schools and Camps
Nechomas Yisroel – Provides Financial Aid and Other help in Enrolling Children in Jewish Schools.
Camp L’man Achai – Provides Financial Aid and Other help in Enrolling Children in Jewish Schools. Rabbi Shmuel Kleinman
Al HaMaayan – Network of Torah Schools in Israel – that was under guidance of Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, ztz”l
Otzar HaTorah – Network of Jewish Day Schools in France and Morocco

I believe it was a recent Friday Afternoon, after food shopping for Shabbat, when I met Joe*, outside the Kosher Supermarket.

He was sitting on a chair collecting funds for himself. He told me his story.

With regret in his voice of his past – he told his reason for his woes – his poverty, lack of a stable job and lack of a wife. When he was young he had somehow angered his mother on a number of occasions. Apparently, his mother – fed up with her son’s behavior – cursed him. This is why, he said he remained in his dire straits.

Trying to console him, I offered him some simple advice. Every year most synagogues, before the new year – Rosh Hashana – and before Yom Kippur do a nullification of vows and nullification of curses. I mentioned to him that every week – on Friday mornings – at our synagogue we do the same. I told him to attend and perhaps it would help bring some respite from his challenges.

He agreed to come. Many weeks passed and I did not see him at the synagogue.

I forgot about him.

Just recently I saw a stranger enter the synagogue – waiting for the service to begin. He became impatient and wandered off to another synagogue in the neighborhood. It was Joe. Before I had a chance to catch him – to tell him to stay to listen to the “nullification of vows and curses” – he left.

Perhaps his situation would have improved had he heard the nullification. Perhaps his situation was due to his lack of effort. Or perhaps because of his lack of enthusiasm in sincere prayer to Hash-m (G-d). Perhaps it was partly due to his mother’s curse.

But let’s say his life would have changed – little by little. One small step – of being patient – could have lead to improving of his lot.

We have our own package that stops us from reaching our heights. A reason to blame our lack of success or lack of happiness. We talk others down. When really we should bring ourselves up by rising to the challenge.

It starts by taking one small step in the right direction and praying to Hash-m to help us in our endeavor. G-d wants both from us.

G-d’s calculations for the situation of man are perfect. The problem that we have is – we don’t always understand his equation. Praying for true guidance and seeking guidance from Torah authorities are essential ingredients to lead us to the road to our own personal redemption.

* Names changed to protect identity.