My cousin used to bet with a coworker who would be able guess the date in the month when a full moon would appear.

My cousin always won.

His secret?

The Jewish calendar is a lunar calendar that is adjusted for the solar year. Meaning, the length of the month is based upon how long it takes the moon to revolve around the earth. It is about 30 days. In the middle of the Jewish month the moon is full.

Early in the new Jewish month we recite a special prayer for the new moon. One should be able to clearly see the moon in order to recite the prayer.

Lost Blessing

This month I awaited to say the blessing, but unfortunately it was cloudy. Periodically I would go outside to see if the sky cleared, but the sky remained cloudy.

Thus I was unable to make this precious blessing that comes once every month.

I felt badly that I missed this opportunity.

I know I tried but I think I could have tried a little harder to be able to say the blessing. I could have tried to say it from the first time that we are allowed to say it. So technically I lost a mitzvah to sanctify the new moon.

I lost an opportunity to connect with eternity.

A Mitzvah allows a person to connect with eternal life

I was reminded of a story about a man who was intimidated to ask a rich person for a donation for a worthy cause.

His rabbi told him this is what you should say to the wealthy man : “You are nothing and I am nothing for in the end we were both return to the dust. What is it that lasts forever? A Mitzvah.” The Mitzvah of helping a needy person will connect you to eternity.

The man gave a handsome donation.

A Mitzvah connects you to eternity.

This is the job you have been dreaming of.

The interview starts in 10 minutes.

You are on the edge.

An old man pulls in front of you.

He is looking for a parking space – driving 6 miles an hour.

what now?

Honk?

Yell out the window?

Spew Insults?

Poor old man. He doesn’t even know you have an important rendezvous.

Why does he deserve your anger?

Why yell? He always drives like that – at least 15 miles below the speed limit. He is just being prudent.

Now is the time to remember – it is just a test.

A test from above to see if you can keep your cool – even in this situation.

In days of old there used to be a test of the Emergency Broadcast System to verify the proper functioning of the warning equipment over the Radio for the FCC to alert the public in case there was a real emergency. A slightly annoying tone was broadcasted for 30 or 60 seconds. A person was patient enough to listen to the Attention Signal for about a minute because he knew it was a test.

When you are at wits end – remember –

This is also for the good and “This is a test. This is only a test…”

Also – what good is it to yell at the old man – he won’t hear you and he won’t drive faster.

But … next time remember to leave the house a little earlier.

I was driving recently, when I noticed a single word bumper sticker.

It said:

EartH

If you ever noticed, the word “art” is in earth.

It is so true.

Notice the beauty in life everyday.

A beautiful landscape. A majestic mountain.

A cascading waterfall. A sunrise on the beach.

An Apple. A Baby.

Artists paint beauty. They produce images of fruits, trees, landscapes and nature.

They capture beauty in the art they produce.

God created beauty.

Hash-m is the Greatest Artist.

I am not an expert in English grammar.

Grammatically speaking, though, shouldn’t it be correct to say “who is you?” instead of saying “Who are you?”

For singular nouns we use “is”, like : “where is he?”, “Where is it?”; “The car is rolling.”

For plural nouns we use “are” like – “where are they?”; “what are they?”; “The cars are rolling.”

Why the “are” in “who are you?”

When we refer to a group of people – like “you guys” – we can say “where are you (guys)?”

Apparently the “are” in “who are you?” is used because the “you” that we use in everyday conversation is the formal or plural form of you.

Formality vs. Familiarity

In French – there is a single form of the word “you” – “tu” in French – for people you are familiar with and a more formal form or plural from of “you” – “vous” in French – for people a certain honor is due, and sometimes a distance is due.

Apparently it is like in old English the difference between thou (you for a single person) and ye (you for a group – thus the declaration – “Hear Ye! Hear Ye!). When we ask who are you – We are in essence saying “who art ye?”

“So?” you are probably asking – “Who cares?”

And rightfully so.

Proper Relationship with Parents

There are people that we are close with and people with which we maintain a distance.

In the Torah when Yaakov (Jacob) and Esav (Esau) were to receive their blessings from their father Yitzchak (Isaak) each addressed their father in a different form.

Esav refers to his father in the more distant form – the third person form. (Bereishit / Genesis 27:31)

Yaakov refers to his father in the more familiar form of you. (Bereishit / Genesis 27:19)

As we follow the teachings of Jacob, the Torah teaches that our parents are to be addressed by the familiar form – meaning they are a close, and integral part of our lives – not a distant relative to respect. Children too are treated as close ones.

Hash-m is Always Close

When we address G-d as well we use the familiar form of you – atah in Hebrew – showing that Hash-m is an integral and close part of our daily lives.

Every moment Hash-m is close and available to hear our prayers. We just have to call out to Him.

A job is a medium to achieve financial or spiritual aspirations in life. At the workplace one can thrive, find comfort and motivation, achievement and satisfaction.

The social aspect of work is also a means for satisfaction. Co-workers intermingle and create friendships. These friendships can be positive – like when one makes a good friend – or negative – when the relationship made may lead to improper familiarity – like between people of opposite genders.

Society’s Concern

Society has realized the need for professional conduct at the workplace – to avoid improper relationships – due to the increase in and high costs of harassment cases. Companies now examine emails and correspondence between co-workers to avoid harassment suits.

Workplace Conduct in Judaism

The Torah has preceded society’s concern by thousands of years through its awareness of the psychology of men and women and it’s laws on healthy relationships.

The obvious reasons for concern include avoiding the breakup of a healthy marriage and family due to a wavering spouse,

The Torah’s laws set boundaries on relations between a man and a woman forbidden to each other.

Boundaries for Propriety
Here are categories of some laws that set boundaries:

Kraiva – Familiarity.

Yichud – Seclusion.

Tzniut – Modesty in Dress.

The Torah’s Laws are highly detailed in each. Let us just examine some simple ones.

Familiarity

Familiarity leads to intimacy. Intimacy leads to dating. Dating leads to marriage. Thus the Torah provides laws for the conduct of people to prevent improper familiarity. Basically a person speaks and acts in a way that prevents him or her from developing an emotional attachment to a person who is prohibited to them. It regulates people’s speech and actions like:

– Instead of a boss calling a secretary by her first name – he addresses her by her last name – Mrs. Cohen instead of Sarah.

– One refrains from asking personal questions like – what did you do this weekend? Are you happily married?

– People of opposite genders refrain from using the word “we” when working together like – “we should talk to the editor about this article” or “We should order new software.”

– Co-workers of opposite genders refrain from taking rides in the same car together.

– One does not shake hands with a person of the other gender. This is called Negiah – Touching – which each gender refrains from touching the opposite gender, unless it is their spouse, or certain close family members.

Seclusion
Seclusion leads to temptation. So seclusion is avoided with a person of the opposite gender in a closed room.

When privacy is needed between people of opposite genders, a door is left open. An open cubicle is preferable than a closed office. An office with a window visible to the co-workers also helps alleviate seclusion concerns.

Modesty in Dress
The Torah provides guidelines in dress for Jewish women to not attract attention. These laws also help to curtail temptation.

Proper clothing for Jewish women include dress that amply covers the knees, wearing stockings that cover the ankle and leg, wearing blouses that cover the neckline and elbows. A married woman covers her hair with a scarf.

A Book on Workplace Guidelines
An excellent Sefer (Jewish Book) on the subject is “9 to 5 : A Guide to Modest Conduct at the Workplace” By Rabbi Shmuel Neiman. It explains in much detail what is proper conduct at the workplace and what is not. It also can be applied to any extramarital friendship as well. After I showed it to someone I know, he contacted the publisher to buy copies to distribute them freely.

Sad Reality – Pain of Unfaithfulness
Unfortunately, he told me a story of two couples he knew who were friendly with one another. They went out to restaurants, to the others’ houses. It ended up that the wife of one couple was unfaithful with the husband of the other couple. What ensued? When their spouses found out all experienced tremendous pain and grief. The couples divorced, breaking two, once healthy marriages. Why? Familiarity breeds intimacy. The Torah, thankfully, draws the line for us to explain the guidelines of familiarity.

Man’s Best Friend
Extramarital friendships, when uncontrolled, can undermine the pinning of a solid marriage. One’s best friend according to Torah is supposed to be one’s spouse. They are the one we confide in Provide and receive empathy, advice and emotional support. When one partner seeks it elsewhere – that is where the trouble begins. Thus the Torah provides very clear guidelines to explain what is a healthy relationship and what is not.

Making Marriage Thrive

The Torah delineates relationships so that those that are permitted – like a husband and wife – can thrive in their relationship. Some examples include the laws of family purity – in which married men and women separate for a period of time – which helps to assure the newness of their marriage. Laws of Modesty – for a woman that – allows a woman to be appreciated for her inner beauty.

A True Story

Once there was a woman in France who wanted to adhere more carefully to the Jewish laws of modesty. She didn’t tell her husband that she was going to start covering her hair with a scarf. She started covering her hair right before Shabbat started. Surprised at her new look, he didn’t say anything.

During the Shabbat, however, he made it a point to avoid her presence. She would walk into one room, he would walk out. She would go into the dining room, he would go to the kitchen. This occurred the entire Shabbat. When she finally confronted him after Shabbat, she asked “My Beloved, why were you avoiding me the entire Shabbat?” Sheepishly, he answered “We have been married for many years. For all this time, I did not feel you were really mine until today. I felt so emotionally about it I could not face you. I could not come to terms that for all these years I relinquished this feeling of closeness.”

The laws of the Torah are for the good of man. Reflecting upon and observing them one eventually realizes this first hand.

A Boy is in dire need of a particular medical treatment. It can be provided if enough people sign a petition to the US Governemnt.

More information can be found and the Petition can be signed here:

“authorize the FDA to grant a compassionate use exemption to Refael Elisha Cohen for Antineoplaston therapy.”

Receive the Mitzvah of Pikuach Nefesh – Saving a Soul.

Please also Remember to also pray, learn Torah and/or recite Tehillim for the complete healing – refuah shelema – of Refael Elisha Meir Cohen ben Devorah as well.

On Hanukah we celebrate miracles.

After our holy Temple – the Beit Hamikdash – was ransacked by the Greeks, the Jews who recaptured it found a jug of pure oil to kindle the Menorah. It was supposed to last one day. It lasted miraculously 8 days – enough time to travel to get new oil.

The Beit Yosef – Rabbi Yosef Caro – Codifier of the Jewish Work of Law – the Shulchan Aruch poses a question:

The Beit Yosef provides 70 answers to the question.

Some include –

The first day we celebrate the miracle of the Jews victory over the Greek empire.
The first day we celebrate the fact that we found a Jug of oil intact with the Cohen Gadol’s (Chief Cohen) seal.
We celebrate that every day only one-eighth of the oil burned.
We celebrate that every day the cups on the branches of the menorah refilled miraculously with oil.

Another answer he gives is:

The first day we celebrate nature. Nature itself is a miracle.

Rejuvenation

Observing the physical world we observe many miracles daily – the miracle of a tree, the miracle of a baby, the miracle of life.

Our problem is that we view the daily beauty of life as mundane or take it for granted. It is only nature.

The Torah says all is a miracle.

G-d recreates the world continuously.

When viewed as such every creation is becomes special and every moment important.

Every new moment is a new gift – a new miracle. A wonder to appreciate.

Grabbing the moment and turning it into eternity through doing a kindness is the way to grab eternity.

Learning Torah gives us the ability to encapsulate time and leave a legacy for the world.

Every moment is special – using it for a Mitzvah – helps us renew life continuously.

Just remember – life itself is a miracle.

Once we were discussing the properties of water at the Shabbat table.

As water is heated – it expands. When it cools – it contracts (becomes smaller) – becoming more dense.

If that was so, I was left with the question – why does water in a bottle break the container when placed in the freezer?

Kindness is in the Water

My friend explained to me an interesting characteristic of water. When you boil it – it expands, but when you cool it it contracts. But there’s a certain point in which water, when cooled begins to to expand. This causes ice to be less dense than water and thus ice floats. (Things that are denser than water sink – things that are less dense than water float.)

This is an important principle for the survival of the world. If water would become more dense as ice then the bottom of the lakes, rivers and oceans would freeze before the top. This would cause plants, coral and living things like fish on the bottom of the ocean to die. This would upset that ecosystem of the world.

There is a verse to help us understand the nature of the world – “The world is built with kindness.” Ice is one example.

Greek Philosophy vs. Torah

Some – like the Greek philosophers of old – would see this as pure coincidence. The Jewish view from Torah is – it is no doubt that this physical property of water is a kindness that Hash-m (G-d) has ingrained into nature.

The Menorah – Torah is Center of Knowledge

The menorah in the Temple in Jerusalem had seven stems. The center stem and three stems on each side. The Netziv in his sefer Emek HaDavar explains that each of the flames of the menorah represents an aspect of knowledge: psychology, philosophy, mathematics, language, science. The flame in the center represents the Torah. Each flame points towards the center flame.

Apparently one of the lessons is that if knowledge is used in congruence with Torah, an accurate picture of the world is produced. If not all sorts of falsity creep in.

Lesson of Hanukah

This is the lesson of Hanukkah.

The Greeks wanted us to believe that what you see is what you get. They said there is nothing beyond the physical or aesthetic beauty of the world.

Purpose of the Physical

The Torah teaches us that the physical is here for us to reach higher spiritual levels. We eat and enjoy ourselves on Shabbat to become closer to Hash-m.

The physical is not an end in itself. The physical is here to help us establish a greater connection with our Creator.

The light of the Torah, represented by the Menorah, illuminates our vision of the world.

An Added Dimension in Life – Spirituality through Torah

Looking beyond the mere physical not only applies to understanding nature but also regarding the our relations with others. When a person sees relationship just for the physical – “this person makes me feel good” – it is reducing a relationship to just physicality. But when one takes into consideration when deciding on a mate, the spiritual aspects – like how they will help you become a greater person, become closer to Hash-m, how you will be able to reach higher spiritual heights in Torah through a relationship – this is when a person can really reach their potential.

The Jewish outlook is to look beyond materialism when choosing a life mate. We look also at their potential for helping us to reach higher spiritual heights together as a couple and as a family through Torah.

Happy Hanukah!