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Joshua be Nimble – How to Revamp & Relocate Quickly in Changing Times

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It was a Motzi Shabbat / After Shabbat. Yehoshua (Joshua’s Hebrew name) comes in to the synagogue after the Avot Ubanim program (where fathers learn Torah together with their sons). He announces He is moving to Florida in 3 days. We were astounded by this quick decision. He had a great opportunity and decided to take it up.

In New York He had financial success, a nice house, his children were in a Torah Day School. He was appreciated in the community. He loved his Rabbi & Synagogue. He had learning sessions / a chevruta in a local Yeshiva with a friend. But he thought – this is a great opportunity. Some encouraged him – and wished him well. Others told him to take time to think about it.

He planned it out – He found a place in Florida. He found an Orthodox synagogue in his new neighborhood. He found a Torah Day school for his children. He found a little community in his new neighborhood. He would take care of selling his former house by an agent.

In several days he made a major life move.

What can we learn?

People are at times stuck. They are stuck with their attitude. They are stuck in a dead end job or relationship. They are stuck in their neighborhood – not because it is best for them – but out of habit. People are averse to change.

Many people left New York recently – I heard over 300,000. I guess the gains of living in NY were outweighed by the benefits of living elsewhere.

Adopting a New Attitude

Today’s times are quickly changing. We can learn from Joshua to move when a good opportunity arises. Or when a new attitude arises. The Torah has many great ways of living a more meaningful existence. A great place to start is by learning Pirkei Avot / Ehics of the Fathers. Shrugging them off we lose a great opportunity.

The Great Aliya in times of Mashiach

Also the events of these times signal and the great Rabbis say that we are in the times close to Mashiach / the Messiah. Miraculous events that will happen will be greater – than those that happened when we left Egypt. There will be a parallel also – just like the Jews of Egypt were asked to leave Egypt to go to the Promised Land – Israel – the Jews will be asked by the Messiah to relocate to Israel. I guess we should learn from Yehoshua – to be light and grab the opportunity. Those that are attached to their houses, Jobs, school, circle of friends, etc. will have to make a choice. Will they chose a golden opportunity to live a more spiritually satisfying life – or remain attached to their material property.

Be Light like the Eagle

This is what Pirkei Avot / Ehics of the Fathers (Chapter 5:20) means :

Be Bold to Do the Will of G·d

20. Yehuda ben Tema says: Be bold like the leopard & light like the nesher [king of birds] & quick like the deer & strong like the lion to do the Will of your Father in Heaven.

Let’s learn to be lighter in our improving our life. Some people were tempted to relinquish the possibility of growing spiritually in Torah and Mitzvoth – and the beautiful life it entails – for a pack of chiclets.

I heard when a certain mountain was supposed to erupt. They knew it beforehand. They warned the surrounding towns and villages to evacuate. Some residents interviewed – they would not relocate. Asked why? They replied – I was living here all my life.

Be Nimble. Be Quick. And Don’t jump over the candlestick. Jump over the attitude stick.

Don’t Just Thank G-d – Do This Too

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Weekly we read a new Torah portion / parasha at the synagogue. In parasha Be’haalotecha – Hash-m commands Aharon to light the Menora.

He says : “Speak to Aharon, and say to him; When you light (literally: ascend) the lamps towards the face of the Menorah shall the seven lamps cast [their] light.” (Bamidbar / Numbers 8:2)

Ki Ner Mitzvah ve Torah Or / A Candle is a Mitzvah & Torah is Light. Many Torah commentators explain the Menorah’s significance and what it symbolizes. Some say the 7 branches represent the 7 types of wisdom. Some say that it represents the 7 days of the week. The center being Shabbat. It is possible to explain when one sanctifies the Shabbat – (the face of the Menorah was the center lamp) – the 7 lamps shall cast their lights. When one observes the shabbat – the entire week takes on new holliness and light. The observance of Shabbat gives sanctification for the rest of the week allowing a person greater success.

Another interpretation is that – When you ascend to do the Mitzvot / commandments – you shall bring in Holiness 7 days a week. Our attachment to Hash-m / spirituality is really experienced when we are immersed 7 days a week in Torah and mitzvot. When a person is immersed in Torah 7 days a week then they see the light. They see the light of Torah. They see light in their lives. They see the blessing. When people observe Torah as a nice tradition – when convenient – they do not necessarily experience that light. Thus is why many Jews seek other philosophies – they never sought to immerse themselves in Torah & Mitzvah observance completely – 7 days a week. They didn’t feel the closeness to Hash-m – because Judaism was treated as a nice pastime – rather than life itself.

Part of feeling the Spirituality / Closeness to Hash-m of Judaism is being thankful every moment for the good in one’s life. People get depressed because they see the difficulties, the lackings – the Torah says be thankful for what you have. Do not envy. Look at the half full cup as completely full.

When we have good in our lives – let’s be thankful for every single thing.

When we thank G-d – He sees we appreciate our blessings and provides us with more. But we should ask for more after thanking G-d – to continue giving us the blessing or to give us more.

We learn this from Leah – our Matriarch. When she had Yehuda – which means “I will thank” – she stopped having children for a period. Why? Because sometimes thank you may mean “No Thank You” or “Thank you – that is enough”. Thus when we do thank Hash-m – don’t just express your appreciation – ask for more.

But feeling thankful also entails feeling indebted to the person. Many will go out of their way to help others who did them a favor in the past. This feeling of gratitude – should help to motivate us to do more good, do more Mitzvot, to learn more Torah & to reciprocate the good that we received from Hash-m to our fellows.

3 times 0 = 10? How to Not Be Misled by Falsity

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The Seltzer Enigma

I was looking at a seltzer bottle’s ingredients. One serving is 0 calories. 3 servings is 10 calories. The last I checked 0 + 0 + 0 = 0. Or 3 servings x 0 calories per serving = 0 calories. Did the seltzer company come out with a new branch of mathematics? No. The reason for this discrepancy is that the FDA allows you to round to the nearest 10 calories. One serving of flavored seltzer is probably about 3 calories. They rounded to the nearest 10 – which is 0 for one serving. For 3 servings it is 9 calories – so they rounded to the nearest 10.

The point of this article is to help people discern what is true and good and what is bad and false.

Honest Reporting?

I am sure there remain people with morality and honesty in Journalist. The little news I do read are from sources that have some kind of non-biased bent – that report news facts.

The Change from Fact to Opinion

We are not here to condemn News organizations or Journalists. Yet I have more distrust of News media that 20 years ago. I remember the days where some kind of ethics reigned in the media. Nowadays – many once reputable news organizations – reports their take on the matter, at times reporting their own agenda & fake news. Some change spin doctor journalism into something close to fiction.

Falsity in History

It is not a new phenomena. People from ancient civilizations did the same. Reporting things – out of context – to give credibility to their agenda. Many cults, philosophies, religions use the same technique. Some will quote you verses from the “Bible” out of context to fit heir agenda. It makes them look good in the eyes of the ignorant. But the educated will not fall for their game.

Protect Yourself from Falsity

So how do you protect yourself from falsity and fakery? the simple answer: Educate Yourself & Research it. Be willing to sacrifice your comfort zone to find truth.

If you want to know three times zero is 10 – educate yourself in Mathematics. You know that 0 + 0 + 0 = 0. So there must be some explanation. If you know mathematics – you will attempt to discover a reasonable explanation for the discrepancy. If you don’t know math – you will accept it at face value.

Questioning Discrepancy

I know people who investigated many religions an cults. When they discovered a  discrepancy and asked about it – the leader either swept the question under the rug, or used the ‘you just have to have faith’ answer or looked down upon the person asking the question. These responses – lead the questioning person to have doubt that the person is covering up.

Questions to Improve Ourselves

The questions below are to help us to improve and clarify our philosophy in life. They are not to put people down. They are to make you think. We in this world are guided to live a moral, uncontradicted life. We are supposed to ask questions to ourselves and others to arrive at the truth – to correct ourselves in this world. In the next world we cannot correct ourselves. Our reward in the next world depends upon how we think, speak and act in this world. If we don’t ask these questions to ourselves – in Heaven they will show us the biographic “video” of all our life – and ask us to clarify some of the questions asked below. Better to correct ourselves in this world than to be corrected in the next world.

Questions that many a philosophy cannot answer but can be answered by Judaism:

Questions For Philosophies that deny the existence of G-d.

Question: How can the world be created by random atoms colliding with one another to create a perfect universe? Where did those atoms come from? What happened before the “Big Bang”? What is the physical difference between a body before death and after death? How does growth occur – according to the “random atoms” theory?

Torah Judaism’s Answer– We believe in a G-d that created and continues to direct the world every moment.

Questions For Agnostics:

Question: Would you expect a company that creates a complicated piece of machinery or even a simple appliance – like a toaster – not to include instructions & warnings? How could G-d create a world without providing instructions?

Torah Judaism’s Answer– We believe in a G-d that spoke to millions of people at Mount Sinai – when He gave the Jewish people the Torah. Those are the laws of the world.

Questions For religions – that believe in the Torah / 5 books of Moses –

Question: How can someone believe in a philosophy that condemns killing – Like it says in the Torah “Do Not Kill” in the 10 commandments – yet the history of that religion was replete with killing?

Torah Judaism’s Answer – Judaism never committed crusades, pogroms or terrorism to get converts – we are looking for sincere people to follow Torah not quantity.

Question: How can a philosophy that condemns idolatry – which is the second of the 10 commandments – believe in a Human as a deity?

Torah Judaism’s Answer – Judaism believes in one Omnipotent, Omniscient G-d Hash-m – that Has no body or physical form.

Question: How can a philosophy say that G-d “changed his mind” about observing of His laws or about His selection of the Jewish people – this insinuates that G-d does not know the future?

Torah Judaism’s Answer – Judaism believes that G-d never changed His mind.

Question: How can someone observe the 10 commandments if they were only given to the Jewish people? (The 7 Noahide laws from the Torah were given for the Gentiles).

Question: The Torah says “I am Hash-m, Your G-d, that brought you out of Egypt” Meaning the 10 commandments only applies to people who left Egypt and their descendants – the Jewish people.

Torah Judaism’s Answer – The Torah was given to the Jewish people to observe. A non-Jew that wishes to Observe them entirely – may convert. Their main obligation is to follow their 7 Noahide laws from the Torah and Torah laws that are not prohibited by the Torah – like observing the Shabbat. If they want to observe more they can take upon themselves certain commandments. Consult a competent Orthodox rabbi for more information.

Question: How can you believe in different G-d than Hash-m when Hash-m is the Only  Name that is mentioned in the 5 Books of the Moses? (Many Bibles erroneously translate – G-d’s name – “Hash-m” – as “The L-rd”. For instance a verse in the Text is properly translated as “Hash-m spoke with Moses Saying” – NOT “The L-rd Spoke with Moses saying)? )

Torah Judaism’s Answer – Judaism believes only in Hash-m.

Questions for People Who condemn Israel

Why? Did you define what is apartheid – and compare Israel’s policies to what Apartheid was? Do you also condemn virulently other nations that commit more heinous acts that what you accuse Israel?

How to Not be misled by Other Philosophies

To Not be misled by Philosophical Arguments – learn what Torah says about it – ask a competent Orthodox Rabbi. If someone from another religion tells you a “proof” that supports their view from a verse in the Torah or Tanach – first see what the Authentic Torah sages say about it – ( like Rashi, Ibn Ezra, Ramban, Sforno, Abarbanel, Aderet Eliyahu (Rabbi Yosef Chaim), Alshich , Avi Ezer, Bartenura on Torah, Bekhor Shor, Chatam Sofer, Chizkuni, Chomat Anakh, Daat Zkenim, Gur Aryeh, HaKtav VeHaKabalah, Haamek Davar, Kitzur Baal Haturim, Kli Yakar, Malbim, Minchat Shai, Minei Targuma, Mizrachi, Or HaChaim, Paaneach Raza, Penei David, Rabbeinu Bahya, Ralbag Beur HaMilot, Ralbag on Torah, Rashbam, Recanati on the Torah, Riva, Rosh,  Siftei Chakhamim, Torah Temimah on Torah, Tur HaAroch, Tzafnat Pa’neach, Tzror HaMor) These commentators explain Torah as it was handed down from Mount Sinai. If one relies on interpretations that contradict Torah – it is like learning Tennis from the pre-game show.

Torah Questions

In Torah – we are encouraged to ask questions. The Passover Hagada /  Book – encourages the children and adults to ask questions. Torah study appreciates and relishes questions. The Torah is not afraid – because it was given by G-d / Hash-m. Hash-m is truth.

 

 

 

The Butterfly Effect – the Spiritual Aspect of Cause and Effect in Judaism

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The Butterfly Effect is a theory associated with Edward Lorenz. He states that the path of a Tornado and slight variations can be caused by the flap of a butterfly wings.

In Torah we believe in a Physical world and a parallel Spiritual world. There is laws of “nature” in both. We decide what happens in this world through our actions. G-d gave us Freedom of Choice to Choose doing good or bad – and responsibility for the consequences.

Let’s say a person gives charity to a poor man. He creates an angel that is a Defendant. This defendant angel will defend the person and possibly the whole world from negative outcomes due to this one action. G-d will then decide on a course of action in the Spiritual world that will be effectuated in the Physical world. Let’s say G-d will then decide – because this person did this good deed all of the people in a certain town in the United States will be given food. His act caused a spiritual outcome that affected the physical world.

It also happens for negative deeds.

Stories abound about this. The Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers (Chapter 4 – Mishna 2)  Mentions it :

Good causes Good & Evil, Evil
2. Ben A’zzai says: “Run to [do] a simple Mitzvah (like for a weighty one) & run away from the sin for a Mitzvah causes a Mitzvah & a sin causes a sin; for the compensation of a Mitzvah is a Mitzvah & the compensation for a sin is a sin.”

In the Time of Baba Sali – a man who was careful about guarding his eyes from looking at woman – saved an entire bus of people.

In Europe – once a person was killed in a small town. It was very unusual. Someone had a dream – that that week the Town Rabbi became very angry and it had a domino effect causing this murder.

We can understand this phenomena as cause and effect or spiritual consequences. In the second story, it is possible that the Rabbi – got angry at an individual – and that individual vented off his steam on someone else and the third person – went out to kill someone. Or it is possible to explain that the Rabbi’s anger – which was a transgression – caused the decree in Heaven that someone in his town was to be killed.

Our actions are meaningful. Our words are meaningful. Our thoughts are meaningful. A Jew that has a thought to do something good is credited as if he did a positive act. Some people who have a thought to do something negative – are also credited as if they did it. In the Hagada quoting the text that we say when we bring the first fruits in Devarim / Deut (26:5) – we say “An Aramean – Who killed our forefather [Jacob]  – caused us to descend to Egypt.” Who was this Aramean? It was Lavan – the father of Rachel – his wife. Why does it say he “killed our forefather?” because he tought to do it – it is credited to him as if he did do it.

A Jew who studies Torah gives the world life. He causes it to remain intact and brings great goodness to the world. If the Non-Jews knew the great consequences of the Jews learning Torah – they would appoint guardians over us to assure that we study Torah.

This is also the concept of Middah Keneged Middah / Measure for measure. The good one does (and the opposite) eventually returns to him or her.

Do good. Get good. Do good for the world.

The 7 Noahide Laws – A Primer Before Conversion to Judaism

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It seems that many people have a feeling for Judaism – Jews & Gentiles.

Many religions accept the Torah as True – but they say “G-d ‘changed His mind’ about the people He chose or the doing of the commandments He gave.” G-d gave the ability of a person to make a logical deductions and freedom of choice. Apparently with those two abilities – one can come to truth. But a person has to be unbiased and willing to give up anything for truth – things that many are not willing to do.

What are Your ‘Chiclets’?

Some will not accept doing Shabbat – because they want not to give up their shopping day. I heard – once – a woman Koshered her house and was willing to go all the way to complete Observance of Orthodox Torah Judaism – when she saw a packet of “Chiclets” gum on the table. At that moment she had second thoughts – She told the rabbi “I don’t want to give up my Chiclets” – until he calmed her down apparently telling her there are Kosher alternatives to Chiclets.

Does it make logical sense to say G-d changed His mind about anything? G-d – unlike humans – knows the past, present and future. He knows the ability of people. He knows who he can trust. So to say G-d changed his mind about His doing law – is illogical.

Did G-d give one law for all people or laws for Jews and laws for Gentiles?

Most religions say observe their law – and if not one is an infidel. The Torah says “Jews Observe our laws and Gentiles – Observe Your laws.” If a gentile observes their laws that is great.

The problem in other philosophies lies in professing that G-d gave one law for all people to observe. According to Torah – He gave laws for Gentiles – the 7 Noahide laws – which are really 30 laws – and laws for Jews – the 613 commandments. The 7 Noahide Laws are a step in the right direction for those wanting to observe Judaism. The Noahides – learn Torah about their laws – and observe some commandments like the Jews. If a Gentile wants to go further – they can always chose to convert to Judaism with an Respected, Competent, Knowledgeable, Orthodox Rabbi – that deals with Conversions.

Following the Torahs laws allows a person to receive a place in Heaven. Thus a person who really is searching for truth – and wants a place in heaven – will investigate what the Torah promises for Jews and Gentiles observing Torah.

 

The Jewish Guru – Gil Locks

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It was the 70’s. Gil Locks was a Guru.

The 60’s were a  time where people searched for spirituality – sincerely following movements that seemed spiritual* on the surface. The 70’s followed the momentum of the 60s.

As a child, one of the only religious experiences that he had was speaking to the GREAT OTHER.

The sensual pleasures – like eating ice cream and going on a boat ride left him thinking, that there must be more to life than this. Could this great universe be created for just a boat ride?

Gil, did the standard fare. He went to a 4-year college and afterward started his first job. He started working as a supervisor in an organization that distributed surplus food.

Gil became a very successful businessman back in the seventies. One day he realized it was an empty lie with no true purpose, no goal except making more money and owning better things. But once you achieve your million-dollar home, the next goal is to earn a two-million-dollar home. So what’s the point? So he dropped it, and went in search of meaning. Eventually he became one of the most powerful and capable gurus in India and in the USA.

He thought to himself he wanted to something more in life. He decided to go all out to investigate life philosophies. He went to the east in search of truth. He wanted to learn from certain Gurus – that people would wait weeks just to see him. Once he waited and somehow met a particular guru. Eventually, he found out that the guru’s honesty left to be desired.

He used to sit by Central Park West and 86th Street and sit silently on the Park bench – having stopped talking as is a result of the Eastern detachment. People would join him – sitting and watching and staying silent. He communicated with motions. He had a following.

In his book -“Coming Back to Earth: The Central Park Guru Becomes an Old City Jew” – he mentions that this detachment and such allowed him to reach unclean powers that others did not have. At times he would see the immediate future – a Deja Vu of sorts – while awake.

Gil – who now goes by the name Gutman – In his quest – finally decided to investigate and learn about Judaism. He went to live in a bus. One of his expression of praise of Hashem that he painted on the bus was “Yea G-d” – teaching that “G-d is Love.”

Gutman is a thinker. He didn’t accept the trends, fads and social norms of society. He questioned life to get real answers. Some quotes from his book:

Quote from page 252: “No matter how small the kindness, you never know how important it can be.”

Quote: “If you take a rock and heat it up in a fire and then put it on the street, people can warm themselves from it.”

After years of searching, he found the Truth & Love he was looking for in Torah Judaism. Now he sometimes stands by the Kotel / Western Wall in Jerusalem to talk to people and discuss philosophy of Torah as opposed to the philosophies he studied and rejected in the end. Someone adamant about finding truth – with effort and earnest prayer to Hash-m / G-d – will eventually find it – like Gutman did.

 

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*To search for something one first must define what exactly it is. Spirituality is developing a close relationship with G-d / the Creator of the world. Judaism teaches spirituality through Torah. Torah is the only divinely given document that was given by G-d and whose giving was witnessed by millions of people. In the Torah – it teaches how to become closer to Him.

*This Post was corrected for accuracy by Gutman Locks himself. We express our thanks to him for his time and effort.

“Doable” – Can One Word Change Two of Your Life Philosophies?

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It’s a Mentality Game. Based upon what is fed to your mind that’s the attitude you take.

Some put two words in their mind “I Can’t.” Really the “I Can’t” many times is “I don’t feel like putting in the effort.” But the mind gets used to the “I Can’t” propaganda and really thinks it is so.

The elephant is a good example. People train Elephants to stay put by a simple trick. The young elephant is chained with a strong chain to a strong post. After the elephant struggles with the post – not being able to escape – it resigns itself to not trying anymore to escape. The keepers then replace that post with a weak post from which the elephant can easily escape. Yet he does not try. He assumes he cannot get out.

This technique stops people from personal progressing, from reaching higher heights, from putting their self-esteem at risk – like in the case of making cold calls, etc. I am afraid of rejection – so I won’t make that sales call. Why? Society has trained us to be averse to failure. But failure helps us to improve.

Hash-m / G-d wants us to try and rewards us for effort – more than what we accomplish.

Many people use the “I can’t” technique to absolve themselves from investigating or observing Torah Judaism. They say “I can’t” do the Shabbat. Really they could – but it’s convenient to say “I can’t.” They could gain so much if when approached by Torah Judaism – they would say – it’s “doable”. G-d does not give you Torah commandments that you cannot do.

A mother will not tell her 3 year old to jump over a 20 foot fence. She tells him things to do that are doable – not things that are not doable.

Even more so – Hash-m / G-d knows the capability of humans. Thus he gave the Jews 613 doable Torah commandments. And the Gentiles 7 doable Noahide laws.

Let’s take it one step further. Many religions believe in the Torah. They say “G-d gave the Torah to the Jews – but the laws were not “doable”. Make sense? Would G-d give a law that was impossible to do? Obviously not. Like a mother would not tell her son to jump over a 20 foot fence.

There is another contradiction. Some religions say that the Jews were punished for not observing their commandments. At the same time – they say that the Torah commandments were not doable. If that is the case – why would G-d punish them if they were not “doable”?

If the religion says yes the Torah laws were “doable” – so why would G-d want to change them?

Think you can – and you’ll be better able to do the doable.

 

Rules to Break Productivity Breakers – for Work & for Life

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You want to get work done. Procrastination and distraction are major productivity breakers. I know.

Being Productive by Removing Barriers

To be more productive short-term & long-term we try to find ways to break the productivity breakers. One major step in the right direction is to get a flip phone instead of a smart phone. Many executives made the move and found afterwards they focused more on business than distractions.

To break the breakers we must know what activities causes the most time wastage. Is it surfing the shopping sites? Is it communicating with whatsapp? Is it talking to friends over the phone at work? You decide. Write down 5 and focus on those.

Rules for Efficiency

An idea to break the productivity breakers is to establish rules and stick by them. At times I tend to get distracted. So I made a rule and put it on my list of tasks on my email software – that has a simple task manager – like “No talking to friends on phone during work before clearing desk.” Obviously dealing with non-work related issues should be kept to a minimum. But breaking the habit or establishing a good habit takes concrete steps – like the one above and dedicating a short time – let’s say 2 minutes daily (for continuity) towards the goal.

The 2 Minute Rule

Those are the short term habits. Work habits. We also can use the same system for personal habits. Like taking 2 minutes a day to express appreciation to one’s spouse or children or parents.

Torah Rules

The Torah provides laws to be most productive in life. It says in the Torah – that a person only transgresses – when a spirit of folly enters their mind. If a person thought out thoroughly their actions before they did them – they would come to the conclusion that the way of the Torah is best.

Let’s take some examples: A Jew follows the 10 commandments – which are major categories of 613 commandments that they follow. Gentiles follow the 7 Noahide laws from the Torah – which are major categories of 30 commandments that they follow.

Examples of Gain vs. Loss

One commandment for both is “Do Not Steal.” A person who gets away with stealing – may gain in the short term – ie, the money they stole. In the long term – they put themselves in a situation of worrying about being caught, covering their trail, losing their reputation, losing their job. Is the $1000 gained worth the worry? No.

A Jew observes the Shabbat. We do not write, light a fire, initiate electricity, etc. Some go shopping instead. So what did they gain? A good sale? What did they lose? A time to connect to spirituality – ie, connecting with Hash-m / G-d. A time to connect with family and friends. The Loss outweighs the gain.

Torah – In Best interest of Man

The Torah – written by Hash-m / G-d – is made in the best interest of man on a personal, community and global level. What we gain by following Torah allows us to live a more productive life.

Regrets of Youth

I have a friend. He said when he was a youth – he followed the way of the world. He had girlfriends, toured the world – enjoyed the high life. He complained that while he was “living it up” – others were establishing families and building their future. He expressed regret. Some – learn quickly and correct the errors of youth and eventually align themselves with Torah values. Some don’t.

Starting a New Page

To be most productive – to become the best that you can – G-d / Hash-m gave us the Torah. A good place to start for a Jew is by learning the Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers and about the 613 commandments. For a Gentile – the best palce to start is to learn about their 7 Noahide commandments. That is a good start to live a productive and meaningful life.

Four Things to do to Receive Special Holiness on Shavuot

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The Jews were in Egypt for 210 years. They were a free nation that was gradually lured into slavery. G-d had to take them out quickly – for them not to remain with a slave mentality.

After the plagues – The Jews with somewhat of a mentality of fear were reticent to enter the desert with Moshe. G-d put his divine presence upon them. With this great holiness – the Jews were motivated to leave Egypt to receive the Torah.

After Hash-m / G-d split the Sea of Reeds into 12 tunnels, Jews traveled through tunnels towards mount Sinai to receive the Torah.

When they exited the tunnels, G-d took away this Holiness from them. They had to work for the Holiness – that was previously given to them as a gift.

The way for them to receive this great holiness, spirituality – and happiness – was them to work on themselves for 49 days to receive the Torah. These 49 things are the 48 ways to acquire Torah – as mentioned in the Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers / (chapter 6, mishna 6). After doing this – working on one trait a day – and all of them on the last day – they received this Holiness and were able to receive the Torah from G-d Himself at Mount Sinai. That was the only time in History that G-d spoke to entire Nation – the Jewish Nation – of Millions People.

I Heard a Shiur / Lecture from Rabbi Meir Eliyahu – who spoke about this subject in a Shiur / הרב מאיר אליהו | חג השבועות | משכן יהודה – ה’תשע”ו

He said we too can receive this Holiness according to the Ari”zl / Rav Yitchak Luria. There are 4 steps for a man to receive it:

  1. Count the Omer – for 49 days starting at the Second night of Pesach / Passover we count 49 days of the Omer / the Barley offering at the Beit Hamikdash until Shavuot.
  2. Do the Tikun / Reparation of the Night of Shavuot – the night before the Jewish people received the Torah – they slumbered. G-d had to wake them up with thunder and lightning. That was a fault. They should have stayed awake in anticipation to receive the Torah. They slept. To repair this – we stay awake the night of Shavuot – and read a special Sefer / Holy Book called Kerieh Mo’ed. This is the second step. R. Eliyahu mentioned – although praiseworthy to learn other Torah that Night – he said that the Tikun is specifically done with the Kerieh Mo’ed. Also one should refrain from vain conversations and not slumber or sleep.
  3. Dip in a Mikveh – the night of Shavuot – before the prayer.
  4. Daven / Pray with much Hilahavoot / Enthusiasm & Fervor

One who does so can receive this special holiness.

Improve Your Communication & Marriage – Learning from the Parrot

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One of the secrets of a good marriage is good communication. The Torah teaches successful communication.

I met some people at a wedding recently. I gave them our “You are Special Card” by Ohr Binyamin. It lists 36 reasons why you are special. I told them once someone asked me “Do You have a card on Shalom Bayit / peaceful relations at home?” I replied: Yes – read one of these reasons on the card to your wife every day. A wife needs to feel appreciated by her husband. A simple “thank you” or buying her a gift regularly can go a long way for more peaceful relations. Take 2 minutes a day to think about & do what you can do to make your spouse happy.

Learning from Animals

The Talmud says we can learn from all men. It goes to the extent to say we can also learn from animals in Eruvin 100b:

… Rabbi Yoḥanan said: Even if the Torah had not been given, we would nonetheless have learned modesty from the cat, and that stealing is objectionable from the ant….

What can we learn from parrots? Parrots repeat what a person says.

Empathy in Marriage

A spouse seeks empathy – an essential part of communication. Empathy means that you understand & feel the feelings of the other person. Men tend to be “problem solvers”. Women tend to be “Empathizers”. How do you empathize with someone? Repeat what they say in other terms – sincerely. For instance: Wife comes home from work and says “The boss was upset that I came late today.” The natural reaction of the man is – “Let’s put on the alarm a little earlier for tomorrow.” The wife doesn’t necessarily want to hear solutions. She wants you to feel for her that she was upset by the boss being upset. By empathizing you validate the other’s emotions. A more proper response would be – “I understand that it is upsetting when your boss feels frustrated.”

One lesson learned from the parrot.

You can also learn it from the Torah – in Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers chapter 6 – One of the 48 ways to acquire Torah is – Noseh Be’ol Im H’avero / Carrying the burden with your fellow. Noseh Be’ol also includes noticing the burden of your fellow and doing what you can to relieve it. You see a large pile of laundry – put a couple loads in the washer and dryer. Sensitivity to others is one way to become greater person.

The Wife Mirrors the Husband’s Actions

Once my aunt in a department store. She was looking for her sister, who looked similar to herself. She saw a woman and she waved. The Woman waved back. She thought she found her sister – when she realized that she was looking at a mirror.

G-d runs the world Middah Keneged Middah / Measure for Measure – what one does – comes back to them. One of the reasons G-d commanded a person to get married is for each to grow together. Having a partner – gives you many opportunities for growth. What a man does – is sometimes shown to him through his wife. If one gets angry at his employee – when he comes home his wife may become angry at him. If he was kind – she may be kind with him.

So – if a man sees that his wife is not acting with respect – the obvious – but incorrect – reaction is being upset with her. The Torah’s recommended reaction is not to correct her – to but to correct yourself – correct the action you did that prompted your wife to become upset.

If she reflects your deeds – you should not get angry at her – correct yourself and that will hopefully extinguish the negative attitude of your wife. Obviously – your reaction also depends on the situation. This is a simplified answer – to bring out the point. This point is also brought in the book “Garden of Peace” by rabbi Shalom Arusch.